A Test Of Love

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By Beth Muramoto

RATED: PG

Takes place after CRUSH and INTERVENTION. Dru returns again to get even after Spike has spurned her and prove to him that his love for the slayer will be the death of him, quite literally.

**

Dru had been anxious to get back to Sunnydale. It had been several months since Spike had threatened to kill her for any scrap of love he could get from the slayer, only to fail. She was still quite angry with him and had sought out a way to seek her revenge, but she also wanted the satisfaction of driving him to despair for choosing the slayer over her. She wanted to make him see that he would never get what he wanted from the slayer. She clapped her hands gleefully as she waited for Spike to return to his crypt so that she could surprise him yet again. Her trap was set. This would be a game that she and her dollies would enjoy thoroughly.

**

Spike returned from patrol weary and weighed down by the continuing dismissal by Buffy of his love for her. Despite the reluctant kiss she gave him in gratitude for enduring Glory's torture and not revealing Dawn to her, she still evaded admitting to anything more. He had let that kiss give him hope. False hope, he knew, but still it was something that kept him going, that kept him fighting beside her, though he didn't need any other reason other than his love for her and Dawn. Even if she never returned his love, he would fight and die to protect them both. That was his inescapable fate.

He entered his crypt and immediately felt the presence. All too familiar and it just added to the weight he already felt.

"Dru, what are you doing here? Come to kill me after all then?"

"Now, now, Spike. I am still very cross with you, yes, but I told you that I already knew that you would fall in love with the slayer. I can feel that you still are. Your torch burns bright for her."

"Why are you here then, if not to kill me? Though I suppose at this point, you might be doing me a bit of mercy by doing that…still, not your style. Suspect you are enjoying the torture I'm going through."

"I have come to prove to you that you are wasting your time here, that the slayer will never give you anything but pity for your little blue shocks. It's time for you to return to me."

"Afraid, that's not going to happen, luv. I think you know that. No matter what happens to me or even if Buffy never loves me, you and I are finished. I will always care for you. You sired me, after all, but that's all it can ever be."

Dru growled low as her anger began to rise.

"Then I will just have to be content in exacting my revenge for breaking my heart."

With those words, she pulled out an orb and it glowed in her hand. She wrapped her long, dark fingers around it and squeezed it until it shattered, sending light and wind out from it. The light penetrated Spike as he fell back from the impact and slammed against the wall. She laughed maniacally as he screamed from feeling something enter into him, his body stiffened against the wall, as he tried to fight it off, but failed. Then darkness once again filled the crypt and Spike started to pick himself up from the floor.

"What was that? What did you do?" He asked, anger in his voice, but the power of it was diminished by the overwhelming weakness that hit him and he had to lean against the wall again to steady himself.

"I have infused you with black magic. A kind of love spell, but one that will surely be your undoing." Dru giggled. "Are you feeling weak, my luv? That is just the start of it. In the next seven days, you will become weaker and weaker. You will begin to feel pain creep slowly into you. It will be subtle at first, but as the days go on, it will become stronger. It will become agonizing at the end. I shall enjoy seeing that." Dru practically cooed with delight at the prospect.

"The only thing that will break the spell will be a declaration of true love from your slayer. She cannot just say the words, she'll have to mean them heart and soul. Only that can save you, my sweet. We all know how this will end, don't we? Oh, one other detail, you can't tell her what's happened to you. She can't help you with counter spells or with pity. If you tell her, the tables will be turned and it will be she who will die."

She laughed again and clapped her hands in excitement then suddenly became serious again.

"I've never been a patient girl, you know that. I'll come back at the end. The last face you see will be mine so you will know that you could have saved yourself from this."

"Dru," Spike said, finally able to clear his head and stand on his feet, "Perhaps you've done me a favor, ending my pain this way. I'm too much of a coward to end it myself. It's probably what I deserve, but one thing I will not do is give you the satisfaction of thinking that you could have saved me. I'd rather die for her than be saved by you."

"We'll see how your defiance holds in the next few days."

Dru walked out of the crypt, leaving Spike to his thoughts. He sat in his armchair and had to laugh at himself. He pondered what a mess his unlife had become and all over love. The irony that had brought him to this love for a slayer, had also brought him to a loyalty that he knew he couldn't walk away from. For whatever time he had left, he would help her find a way to destroy Glory or at the very least protect her and Dawn. There was also the selfishness that was ingrained in him. He wanted to stay near her for as long as he could, knowing that he would never see her again after this week.

**

Several days passed with Spike helping Buffy fight the usual daily menu of demons on patrols and doing the best that he could to hide his pain and weakness from her. He had been pretty successful containing it and only faltered when they weren't in battle, when they were just walking and talking. It was during those times that he had to use all of his concentration to keep the struggle and discomfort from showing on his face. After the sixth day, though, it became more evident that something was wrong and Buffy began to pick up on it. He had already prepared himself for her questions.

"Spike? Are you all right? You've been acting a little weirder than usual and you seem to be in a lot of pain lately."

"Fine, Slayer. I'm still healing from Glory's torture. Some things are taking their time healing. She's a right thorough torturer."

"It's never taken you this long to recover from other battles."

"Well, there's always a first time, pet." Spike found a nearby tombstone to lean on as he closed his eyes fighting off more pain, letting a small grunt escape his lips. "Guess she knew where to get me where it hurt most. She dug in pretty deep inside of me."

"Spike, speaking of Glory, I want you to know that my gratitude was real. What you did was -"

"No need to say anything. I care about the nibblet. Key or no key. I could never put her in danger like that."

"I know." Buffy said, "I just wanted you to know that I really appreciated it. I have to be honest. I don't know what I would have done without your help. I love my friends, but even with Willow's witchy power, I've been feeling like all this stuff with Glory really is all on me and I haven't really felt like I can handle it all. Knowing that you're there, that I don't have to worry about you taking care of yourself and that you're strong enough to beat the demons back, it's been great and has really helped to take the edge off."

Spike was pleasantly surprised by her warm words. A few months ago, she never would have said such things to him and it meant a lot. It wasn't a declaration of love, but it was as close as he was ever going to get and it was good enough, more than he could have ever have hoped for. The only thing that hurt him was that he would soon have to leave her to fight the battle alone again. He hated that. It wasn't of his own free will, but she would never know that. It scared him to think of leaving her in her time of need. That thought hurt him more painfully than the spell Dru had cast on him.

"I'm glad I can be of some use to you, but don't underestimate yourself, luv. You have so much power. You can do anything you set your mind to."

"I don't feel very powerful. It's been such a sucky year. First mom, now Dawn and the apocalypse. I just sometimes feel like why me?"

Spike well understood. After discovering his love for her, he asked that question a lot of himself and of the fates that had given him this lot. He couldn't find a reasonable answer, just that it was what it was. Buffy was seeking much more than that explanation.

"I can't answer the why, luv, but I do know that if I had to entrust the world to someone, it would be you. I know it seems like a lot and I bloody well know it's unfair, but I also know that the monks would never have trusted you with Dawn if they didn't think you could protect her. You already love her, the rest is just being you. Though it doesn't feel like it, I really believe that you were the right choice."

Buffy smiled at Spike's words. They were reassuring and confidence boosting. He'd been doing a lot of that lately on these patrols. He had become her motivational speaker. Though her friends were also trying to make her feel that she could handle everything, she knew, deep down, they were depending on her to make sure that it would turn out okay and that was a big mother load of responsibility for her, but Spike levered his words of confidence and belief in her with his own strength of conviction and that she wouldn't fail because he would be there for her.

"Thanks. It's been nice to have you watch my back. It's helped me to relax a little."

"You'll always have that." Spike said as he felt a wave of dizziness hit him. He couldn't help closing his eyes again to steady himself.

"Guess we should call it a night."

Spike could only nod at first, "Yeh, I'm feeling a little nackered. A little blood and some sleep should do the trick."

Buffy's concern for him continued to grow. She had never seen him this tired, this weak, not even right after Glory had done her worst to him. Something was wrong. She felt it.

"Do you want me to walk you over to your crypt?" She asked, almost hoping he'd say yes.

"No, I'll be fine. Go on home. I'll see you tomorrow night." Spike said as he felt his head clear and was able to stand. He hated lying to her. By this time tomorrow, he would be gone. He'd be lucky if she would think of him as a fond memory. More than likely, she'll just remember that he left her without so much as a word, just like the others had left her. She would probably end up hating him. It made him sad to think that would be her last memory of him.

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?" She pressed.

"Sure as I am of you, luv." He said with a smile, "Now, get home to the nibblet."

Buffy still looked at him with a skeptical eye, but let the issue drop for now. She then reluctantly walked away.

**

Spike had just a few more steps to go to reach his crypt. He had to stop several times to rest along the way. He felt himself getting weaker and weaker. He was sure it was all according to Dru's schedule. It was only by sheer will that he was able to get through the patrol tonight. The pain didn't go away like it had before. It lingered and grew stronger as the night wore on. He hoped that he could rush Buffy off back home before it became unbearable for him, so that he could get back to his crypt and wait for the end, his last sounds would be Dru yammering at him about how much she was enjoying his suffering. Just as he was at the door, a wave of pain hit him slowly, but powerfully. He leaned against the crypt wall trying to fight it, but he was losing the battle. He slowly fell to his knees, unable to hold his weight as the pain drew every ounce of strength out of him. He squeezed his eyes, moaned helplessly, and tried to take deep breaths.

"Bugger…" He groaned.

"Good ol' Dru, " Spike thought to himself, "She always did love inflicting pain. Knew she wouldn't hold anything back..."

All he could do was wait and hope for the pain to subside enough so that he could stand again. He moaned and grabbed at the wall to find something he could grip onto as the intensity grew worse.

Unbeknownst to him, Buffy had followed him. She rushed over as soon as she saw him fall.

"Spike! What's wrong? Let me help you." She said as he lifted him up and helped him through the crypt door.

"Buffy, what are you doing here?" Spike asked as he grimaced through the pain as he let Buffy guide him into his armchair.

"I was worried that there was something you weren't telling me so I followed you." She said, "Spike, you have never been this bad. This is more than about Glory, tell me what's happening to you?"

"You have to go, luv. It's not safe for you here -" Spike gripped the chair from the pain, as he sensed her presence. She was here to watch him die and he knew the end was coming. He couldn't keep a handle on the pain anymore. It was now relentless and unwavering.

"Not safe from who?" Buffy asked.

"From me." Dru said as she emerged from the shadows. "Promised you that I'd come at the end, didn't I, Spike? I'm a woman of my word. Didn't expect the slayer to be here too. Didn't think she'd care enough."

"Drusilla…" Buffy uttered warily. "What's going on? What are you doing here?"

"You're just in time to see Spike die and then when he's gone, I can complete my vengeance by killing you."

Spike's anger penetrated the pain. The idea that Dru would hurt her brought out whatever warrior instinct he had left in him. "I won't let that happen, Dru. Let her go. This is between you and me."

"How brave you are, Spike! Your slayer must be so impressed that you would fight for her, especially being so close to death as you are, but you're in no position to make demands. It won't be long now, my Spike. Soon your time will be over. I can wait a little longer to kill your slayer."

Spike knew that Dru was right. He was dying. There was no weapon nearby and he didn't think he had the strength to wield it or even pass it on to Buffy. This was worse than dying, knowing that he was useless to her.

"You did this to Spike? Why? Just because he dumped you?" Buffy said defiantly. "Seems to me, he's better off."

"No, because he chose you. He chose a slayer over me," Dru said with evil dripping from her voice, "Vengeance is mine. A woman scorned, you know."

"If you want me, then bring it on, let's do it, right here, right now, but first help Spike."

He was surprised at her protectiveness, at how she was willing to fight Dru. He was confused and the pain wasn't helping him think clearly, still, his heart leapt at the thought that Buffy would try to save him somehow, would battle to keep him alive.

Dru laughed at the display, " Well, well, you care about him, don't you?"

Buffy paused, "Of course, I care."

"Ah, but just as another warrior in your fight against evil and nothing more, is that right?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you. You've got one foot in the booby hatch, maybe both feet. Now, stop what you are doing to Spike." She evaded and demanded.

"I'm not doing anything to him, Slayer. What he's going through is because of you and only you can end it, one way or the other."

"What are you babbling about?" Buffy said, irritated. "Stop speaking in riddles for a change and just tell me what I need to do to help him."

"I cast a spell on him because he had been a very naughty boy and tried to kill me to get the love of a slayer. I didn't take that well and now he will die realizing that he had no chance with you and that he gave me up for nothing."

Buffy turned to Spike with soft, concerned eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me? We could've done something -"

"He couldn't." Dru said. "I told him that if he did, the spell would turn and you'd be the one to die. For some misguided reason, he'd rather die than see you die. You see what you have done to him? You've killed his will."

"No, luv, don't listen to her. I'd rather die than leave the world without you in it. Remember what I said. The world is lucky to have you. And I couldn't leave Dawn without your love to guide her. She needs you. It was an easy choice." Spike declared between difficult breaths and grunts of pain. "I'm not worth half the things you are to this world."

Buffy smiled and marveled at Spike's continued devotion even when he was going through such pain. Once again, all for her. He was willing to give up his life for her. No one had ever done that, offered their lives to save her.

"Spells can be broken." Buffy asserted, still looking deeply into Spike's eyes.

"Oh, yes, they can, but the only way to save him now is for you to declare that you love him. You can't just say the words, little pretty. You must truly love him with all of your heart, otherwise you condemn him to death. Isn't this a fun game, we're playing?"

Buffy looked at Dru and back at Spike, looking confused and scared.

"You see, poor Spike knows that you can't do that or maybe won't do that to save him. If you don't, he dies. It may already be too late. He's very close. I don't know how he's still alive, really, but he's never been one to play by the rules. Always changing them to suit himself."

Dru smiled evilly at Spike. "But in the end, it won't matter. You can't love a creature without a soul. You said so yourself and you don't believe demons can love without a soul, even though they can. I know that Spike can..." She became almost wistful, "You don't deserve his love. I hope that you're haunted by how his love for you killed him."

Buffy looked up at Spike, tears running down her face. He looked at her and he could feel his heart breaking, but he couldn't let her believe that she had caused him to die because she couldn't feel love for him. It wasn't a fair thing to ask of her. It didn't diminish his love for her though.

"Luv, this isn't your fault. Dru is taking delight in torturing me like this, but this has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with my loving you, not her and I don't regret it." Spike swallowed with difficulty and every word he spoke was punctuated with a pained expression and rapid breathing. "I already knew in my heart that it was never to be between us. I accept that and love you more for telling me the truth. I will always love you, Buffy. I made my choice and I wouldn't change it. My only regret is that I wasn't the man you deserved to love back."

The pain cut Spike off and it was getting harder and harder for him. He was barely holding on now. He watched Buffy rush over to him, tears still streaming, then she did something that totally took him by surprise. She bent in and kissed him softly on the lips. Ah, a sympathetic kiss good-bye. Just like her kiss after Glory tortured him. She was thanking him for saving her, nothing more. It would have to carry him to the next world. When she parted from him, she looked into his eyes and said something that he thought must have been a pain-induced delusion.

"Dru, you don't know a thing about me. You're right. I did say that demons could never love without a soul. It's not the first time I've been wrong and it won't be the last. I've been wrong about a lot of things and I've done some pretty stupid things…and sometimes I didn't do anything at all and lost so much more for not doing something, but that stops here, today." Buffy shakily smiled at Spike, her face stained with tears. "No, you don't know me at all because I'm not the same Buffy anymore. I'm the new and improved Buffy and that's because Spike does love, because he loves me. He loves me enough to stay even though I've given him more reasons to leave than anyone else. He stays and helps me when it would be easier to give up on me. He makes me believe I can do anything, defeat anyone, lets me know he's there to help me…to save me if I needed it. You're right about my not deserving his love because I don't, but I'm not going to let him down now that he needs me." She said then turned to him and looked deeply into his eyes again. "I love you, Spike…so much, it scares me, but I love you with all of my heart." Buffy whispered softly, her eyes glowing with tears and real love.

Suddenly the crypt was again filled with light and wind as it had been almost seven days ago when the spell had been cast. Dru squealed in torment this time and shielded her eyes. Spike also screamed again as the light bathed him. Dru was swept up into the vortex that was created and then everything flashed back into darkness. Spike sat in his chair, breathing shallowly, but the pain was gone. He then looked into Buffy's eyes and didn't have to question her about her love for him. The spell would never have restored him to life if it had been insincere, but he couldn't hide his awe at her declaration.

"Buffy…" Spike said in shock, but also in joy.

"I'm sorry, Spike. I'm sorry you had to suffer again because of me."

"No, no Buffy. I just never expected -"

"I've known for a while, but was too afraid to admit it. What you have done for me…your love is in everything you do. Lately, I've come to realize that I have loved you for a long time, even before Glory took you. When I thought I could lose you just because I was too afraid to tell you that I loved you, it gave me the courage to finally say it. When Dru told me that it was something she knew wouldn't happen, I also had to prove her wrong."

Spike kissed her passionately and then cupped her face in his hands.

"I'll do everything in my power to make sure that you never regret making that choice."

"You already do that, Spike. It's me who has something to prove."

"You don't have to prove a thing, luv. I don't deserve your love, but I know it's real. I know it in my heart."

Spike kissed her again lovingly and realized that he, too, was starting to cry.