Author: Keren and Meredith (with a guest appearance by TBQ as the ever verbose Angel)

E-mail: avssp@hotmail.com

Rating: R

Pairings: B/S

Distribution: Sure, just let us know

Spoilers: Twelfth episode in the series Strange Bedfellows: Being the Unlikely Adventures of a Vampire and a Slayer, an alternate Buffyverse which diverges after “Crush”. Follows “The Clash.”

Disclaimer: These characters aren’t ours. We just like to play with them. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox TV, WB, UPN and any other copyright holders

Feedback: Yes, please!

Thanks to Liz for the internet research!

And to read more about what’s happening in the world of Angel according to TBQ, go to: http://countylimerick.prohosting.com/fanfiction/buffy/changes.htm

Sight Seeing

Previously, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

Back at the bungalow, Spike is in the living room with the curtains drawn. He is in his jeans, with no shirt, lounging on the couch, smoking and watching Manchester United. Four Watchers walk in the front door without knocking, and upon seeing Spike, they hold out a number of large crosses.

Spike: Is it time for mass already?

Buffy (from the kitchen): Spike! Have you seen my other shoe?

Spike: It’s under the couch, pet. We have company.

Buffy: Tea company or crossbow company?

Spike: Watchers, Luv.

Buffy: Both then.

*************************************************************

Wesley: Well, the demon vanished when we got there. That would indicate that whatever it was to be done was done.

Buffy: Or maybe he was just running away.

Wesley: (grudgingly) Yes, that is a possibility.

Gunn: So we got nothin’.

Spike: Well, if any of my parts fall off, I’ll be sure and let you know.

*************************************************************

Faith: You make a choice; you see where it takes you. Thing is, when you get there, you gotta keep your eyes open and deal with the consequences.

*************************************************************

Buffy: (still very angry) I know. I told him you could’ve killed me a million times by now if you wanted to. (Pauses) And that’s more than he can say.

Spike: (barks a laugh and quickly pulls over to the side of the road and turns off the car before he crashes in a fit of laughter.) Ok, say that again! What did Angel look like?

Buffy: Stop it Spike! This is serious.

Spike: (turns in his seat to face her) Oh yes. This is serious. This is bloody well the most important thing I’ve heard in days.

Buffy: (turns to face him) He said he knows you better than I do.

Spike: What does Angel know anyway? He’s so sodding observant he barely notices light and sound. People change.

Buffy: Yes, they do. (She leans over and kisses him.)

Spike pulls back after a minute, and looks her in the eyes, searching for something. When she doesn’t look away a slow smile spreads across his face and he leans in, kissing her back more aggressively.

*************************************************************

At the Summers' household, some time later, Dawn is in Buffy’s room, rummaging through her dresser drawers.

Dawn: (shouting) Buffy! Can I borrow your ivory sweater?

Buffy: (from elsewhere in the house) No!

Dawn: Ok! (She continues to rummage through the drawers, when she comes across the “Oxford is for lovers” T-shirt crammed in the back of the drawer. Dawn grins, shoves it back, and leaves the room, triumphantly carrying Buffy’s sweater.)

*************************************************************

Later that day, at the Magic box, Buffy enters to find Anya counting money behind the register, and Giles having a cup of tea at the research table.

Buffy: Slow day, huh?

Anya: I know! I’ve counted the money four times now, and there still isn’t any more of it.

Buffy: (taking a seat across from Giles) Well, maybe it’ll pick up after the summer. You know, all those crazy college kids wanting to buy them crystal balls.

Giles: Or sacrifice entering freshmen to Machida.

Buffy: They passed a no-hazing rule this year.

Giles: (gives her a small smile.) The reason I called you here Buffy is that I’ve had a phone call from one of my colleagues.

Buffy: Please tell me it wasn’t Wesley.

Giles: Happily, you are the only one who has enjoyed the dubious pleasure of his conversation lately.

Buffy: Yay me.

Giles: No, this was Stanislaus Kozarski...

Buffy: Oh, very British.

Giles: It is a worldwide organization, Buffy.

Buffy: Is this the Cult of the Eclipse again? ‘Cause I never planned on visiting Dracula’s homeland.

Giles: No, thanks to you they have been eradicated. (He fails to notice Buffy’s nervous shuffling) Actually, he’s based in New York. Apparently, during an excavation of a building site, an old Colonial-era gravesite was unearthed. Since this is commonplace in the Manhattan area, they were forced to postpone the building plans and conduct an archaeological investigation. Stan was called in to consult.

Buffy: Well, it’s good that you two have been catching up on old times... really, really old times… but what does this have to do with me?

Giles: They found an amulet that Stan informs me might be very useful to your efforts.

Buffy: Great – costume jewelry. What’s it do?

Giles: Well... I don’t exactly know. Stan insists that I send you over to pick it up.

Buffy: Ok, have they never heard of Fed Ex? I understand delicate manuscripts, but if it’s gonna disintegrate I can’t so much wear it. Slayer lifestyle, not so easy on the wardrobe.

Giles: He seems to think it would not be safe unless the Slayer herself brought it back to the Hellmouth.

Buffy: Well, what else can I say but yay! Another vacation for me! D’you think we could get the Council to pay for everyone again?

Giles: I sincerely doubt it, especially after the last trip. I was scarcely able to convince them not to send you Kuwaiti Air. Now, you’ll need to arrange your own flight and accommodations. Your appointment is on Monday at noon, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art...

Buffy: Woo hoo! The Plaza, here I come!

Giles: (Hands her a slip of paper) Here are the Council’s expense allowances.

Buffy: (face falls) Oh.

*************************************************************

A couple of days later, Buffy is in her room, filling a roll-y suitcase with clothing, as Joyce sits on the bed and hands her things.

Joyce: Do you think you’re going to need some mace?

Buffy: (gives her a wry look) I think that’s the least of my worries.

Joyce: Oh! And make sure you tip the hotel staff well.

Buffy: I don’t think there’s much of a staff at the St. Mark’s pay by the hour hotel.

Joyce: They’re sending you there?

Buffy: Yup – one night, deluxe accommodations all thanks to the Council. They even bought me my very own subway token.

Joyce: Oh honey, you can’t go to New York for just one day.

Buffy: Well, how long could it take to pick up an amulet?

Joyce: Look, I’ll call my friend Jordan at the Soho Grand. They bought several pieces from the gallery when they redecorated the lobby last year; I’ll get a good deal. Take a few days. New York is full of cultural opportunities, and I want you to have a chance to broaden your horizons.

Buffy: (face lights up) Really? Thanks Mom! (Face falls again) But I did promise to come back and defend the home turf within my allotted twenty-four hours.

Joyce: No arguments! I’m sure Rupert and your friends can keep an eye on things while you’re away.

*************************************************************

That evening on patrol, Spike and Buffy are nonchalantly walking through the graveyard, it apparently being a slow summer in Sunnydale.

Spike: So, when’s the next movie training session?

Buffy: (raises an eyebrow at him) Sid and Nancy is not what I’d call a training session.

Spike: Hey – attitude is just as important as technique!

Buffy: Pfft. Anyway, It’ll have to wait until I get back from New York.

Spike: What?

Buffy: New York, NY – the city with insomnia. You’ve heard of it?

Spike: When did this happen?

Buffy: Well, not yet, notice my use of the future tense. I’m leaving tomorrow night.

Spike: For how long?

Buffy: Oh, a couple a days. The Council was sending me there for all of two hours, but Mom’s paying for an extended trip so I can have actual fun.

Spike: Oh. (Looks hurt for a second, but quickly covers it up.) Right then, so when do we leave?

Buffy: You seem to have turned your “m” upside-down. Me, not we.

Spike: Well, not much sense me goin’ without you love.

Buffy: Argh! You’re purposely missing the point! (Glances at him) Stop smirking!

Spike: No, you’re missing the point. I lived there, who else you gonna get to show you ‘round town?

Buffy: I was thinking Mr. Big Apple Tours.

Spike: Bugger that! You can find the Empire State building yourself, just look up. I can show you the good stuff.

Buffy: Somehow it seems wrong to go on a vampiric sightseeing tour when I’m on Council business.

Spike: What’s this Council business anyway? Some big nasty to kill? ‘Cause you know, (leans in and whispers in her ear) I like killing.

Buffy: (shivers a bit as his lips brush her ear, then recovers and rolls her eyes) No, I just have to pick up some magic jewelry.

Spike: For god’s sake Slayer, you know full well how I feel about magic knick-knacks!

Buffy: Please don’t start that again!

Spike: Fine. That’ll take you half an hour, tops? That leaves us every night free. (Leers at her) And all the days...

Buffy: (gathering her resolve) No! I need you here to patrol with the guys.

Spike: (gives a short barking laugh) Like they’d let me patrol with them. (Snorts) And like I’d want to. (Looks her straight in the eye) C’mon, give me one good reason why I shouldn’t go with you.

Buffy, obviously flummoxed, annoyed and uncomfortable, punches him in the jaw. Spike smiles as he wipes a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth and punches her back.

*************************************************************

Sometime the next night, Buffy is seated on the plane, leafing through the in-flight magazine. She snorts at one of the pages and turns to her left.

Buffy: A singing fish pen? Why would I possibly want to buy a singing fish pen on a plane?

Spike: (Studying the safety card pictograms in amusement) Lack of oxygen? (He leans over and glances at the magazine) It’s better than the chicken clock.

Buffy: In what universe?

Stewardess: Drinks?

Buffy: I’ll have a coke.

Spike: (leers at the flight attendant, who blushes) Bloody Mary, luv.

Buffy: (elbows him hard in the side after the stewardess has handed them their drinks and moved on) So not funny Spike.

Spike: (gives an impossibly innocent look) Not my fault her name’s Mary.

Buffy: Tell me again why I didn’t put you in a box?

Spike: ‘Cause it’s only a five-hour flight.

Buffy: Rhetorical question. But now that you mention it, it’ll be dawn by the time we get in and get our bags and stuff.

Spike: I’ll just cover up and run to the car.

Buffy: Aren’t people gonna notice you’re smoking?

Spike: This is New York, luv. In Sunnydale, the people don’t notice. In New York, they just don’t care. I love this city!

*************************************************************

That morning, back in Sunnydale, Dawn ventures over to Spike’s crypt both to relieve summer vacation boredom, and to tease him about the T-shirt she found in Buffy’s room.

Dawn: (opening the crypt door) Spi-ike! Guess what I found? Spike?

Dawn’s jaw drops as she takes in the state of the crypt. All of Spike’s meager possessions have been tossed around. The entire crypt has been ransacked, clothing, stakes and bottles lie everywhere, and the small TV has been smashed. After a few moments of staring blankly at her surroundings, Dawn holds back her tears, and runs out of the crypt, intent on finding Giles and the rest of the gang.

*************************************************************

Meanwhile, three hours ahead in New York, Buffy walks up the large steps leading to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. After consulting with the guard, and obtaining a visitor’s pass so she can enter the museum on a closed-to-the-public day, she heads down to the curator’s office. She opens the door to see a tall, gray-haired man with his back to her. He is dressed in jeans and a button-down shirt, with the sleeves rolled up, and appears to be muttering under his breath.

Buffy: Ahem.

Stan: (turns to face her) ...Buffy Anne Summers.

Buffy: Just Buffy’s fine.

Stan: (glances at the amulet lying behind him on the table, then turns back to Buffy and gives her a warm smile) Buffy then.

Buffy: (walks over to the amulet and picks it up. Dangling from a thin gold chain is a diamond-shaped gold pendant with an oval topaz set horizontally in the middle, its star-cut facets catching the light.) Is this it? What’s it do?

Stan: Go ahead, try it on. (He waves towards a mirror on the wall) It is called the Eye of Exu. It will help focus and hone your perception of the supernatural.

Buffy: And in the vernacular?

Stan: (smiles) It’ll help you see demons.

Buffy: I already see demons, I see them all the time. Well, except the invisible ones.

Stan: Precisely! (Hops up and takes a seat on his desk) This amulet will glow slightly in the presence of demons. Think of it as eyes in the back of your head.

Buffy: Ew. I’d rather not.

Stan: (chuckles) That’s why we went with the amulet.

Buffy: So that’s it? No user’s manual? Do I have to sign for it or something?

Stan: No, as far as the museum is concerned, it never left. An excellent copy has been left in the permanent collection.

Buffy: Ah. I see. Mum’s the word. (She tucks the amulet into the front of her shirt.) No need to get up, I’ll show myself out.

Stan: Take care just Buffy.

As Buffy walks towards the main entrance, she hears the low drone of a voice behind her.

Tour Guide: And Carter replied, “wonderful things!” This here, is my personal favorite item found in King Tut’s tomb, a golden statue of the goddess Selket...

Buffy: (mumbles to herself) Isn’t the museum closed today? (She turns around, and sees nothing except a slightly rustling exhibit curtain. She shrugs and exits the museum.)

*************************************************************

Late that night, Buffy and Spike are dressed for an evening of fun, Spike in his usual black attire, minus the duster because of the sweltering New York summer, and Buffy in a pair of white capri pants, skimpy champagne tank top, and strappy sandals. Spike leads Buffy to the door of CBGB’s and they enter. As the door closes, an old front page of the New York Times blows down the street, and a giggling drunk couple stumbles into a taxi. Horns blare on Houston Street a few blocks away. Moments later, the door reopens, and Buffy and Spike exit, a gust of bad music and smoke following in their wake.

Spike: What the bloody hell was that? College bands! Did you see what he was wearing? Did you hear what he was singing? Bleedin’ sellouts they are, or would be if anyone was stupid enough to buy. Back in my day...

Buffy: That’s quite enough memory lane, thank you. Perhaps my date can refrain from making references to the fact that he is a hundred years older than I am?

Spike: (too surprised by the description to argue) Ok. Now, where to?

Spike thinks for a bit, and begins to walk eastward, heading into alphabet city. Buffy is amazed at the amount of people on the street, having lived in a town where breaking curfew usually means broken necks. Spike brings her to the front of a smallish building with the faded word “Pyramid” on the front. They enter, only to exit again, moments later.

Spike: Gay 80’s dance night? Ack!

Buffy: (pouting a bit) But...it was fun in there!

Spike: No it wasn’t. C’mon. (He grabs her arm and pulls her down the street.)

*************************************************************

It is around 1:30 in the morning, and though the streets are still teeming with nightlife, Spike has yet to find his hangout of choice.

Buffy: (pretending to be annoyed, but obviously amused) Ok, so we’ve had places that you used to like, places that you used to like, and places that you used to like. What’s next on the agenda?

Spike: I need a drink! (He looks around, and pulls her across the street into the dingy interior of the infamous Mars Bar.)

Buffy: Spike – it kinda smells like...

Spike: Ahhhh. This is it! This is the city I remember. (He sits at the bar and orders two tequila shots.)

Buffy: (sits next to him after eyeing the dingy seat with a bit of distaste. She picks up the drink placed in front of her and views it skeptically.) Isn’t this the drink with the worm in it?

Spike: Don’t worry, it comes with condiments.

Buffy: Like mustard?

Spike: (amazed) You really don’t spend enough time at university, do you? Here, watch. (He proceeds to show her the lime, salt, tequila process.)

Buffy: (copies his actions, and downs her shot) Bleh! What’s fun about this again?

Spike: (ordering two more) Seeing if you can beat me.

Buffy: (all reluctance gone.) Oh I can beat you.

Some time later....

Buffy: (peering into the bottom of an empty glass) I think I need another. (Pokes Spike in the side) I’m kickin’ your ass.

Spike: (gives her a suggestive smile) Just like you always do luv.

Buffy: (sucks on a lime and then turns to Spike, lips puckered) It makes my lips all mummrffm (she tries to speak through her pursed lips, but nothing intelligible comes out)

Spike: (staring at her puckered lips, not caring whether she’s intelligible or not, just that she’s being uncharacteristically cute) That it does. (He leans in to kiss her.)

Buffy leans in and gives him a big, loud smacking wet kiss on the lips and then downs another shot. Spike chuckles, and turns his head as a middle-aged man sits down next to him, beer in hand. He has long, dark, greasy brown hair that is greying slightly at the temples. He is wearing a black leather jacket and old, slightly flared blue jeans.

Guy: Fuckin’ yuppies.

Spike: I hear ya mate.

Guy: This city ain’t what it used to be.

Spike: You’re tellin’ me! There’s a bloody posh benefit at Max’s Kansas City! The boy bands have invaded. Love to kill ‘em all.

Buffy: (wags her finger and tuts at him.) Bad Spike! You know you can’t. (Leans in and hugs his arm) and I won’t let you. (Sticks her tongue out at him.)

Guy: That your old lady?

Buffy: Ha! He’s the old one! He’s a hunerd...a hunerd an'....a hunerd an' what honey?

Spike: (surprised at the honey bit, turns to the guy and says in a loud conspiratorial whisper) I think she’s drunk.

Buffy: Am not! (Knocks back another drink and slams the empty glass down next to nine others)

Guy: (takes a swig of his beer) Wish I was. This day couldn’t get any worse. First, I get kicked out of my squat ‘cause the man wants to build a fucking condo. So it’s a nice night, I figure I’ll just crash in the park...(Buffy starts to play with the end of Spike’s T-shirt) and then the stupid cops come to shut the damned thing down.

Buffy: Hate the cops! (She goes to slam the table for emphasis, but misses, and narrowly avoids depositing herself in Spike’s lap) It’s not like I killed Kendra. That was your girlfriend. (Pokes Spike in the chest, and then turns to their bar mate) His ex-girlfriend.

Guy: I don’t think you have anything to worry about sweetheart. So anyway, there’s nightsticks everywhere, people are throwing broken bottles and punches...

Buffy: Like this? (She clocks Spike in the shoulder, sending him sprawling on the floor as she grins, apparently quite proud of herself.)

Guy: (as Spike gets up, looking embarrassed) Exactly. And then BAM! Something comes down on my head and I can’t see anything.

Buffy: Oh that’s terrible! Wan’ me to rough someone up for ya?

Guy: (smiling) No, that’s ok sweetheart.

Spike: (turning to Buffy) I think you’ve had enough.

Buffy: No fair! I was winning!

Spike: (smiles indulgently) Ok, you win luv. I think it’s time we were headin’ home anyway.

Guy: Well, have a nice night folks. (He puts down his beer and walks off. As soon as he is a few feet from the bar, the beer disappears.)

Spike: Did that drink just disappear?

Buffy: They keep doin’ that! (They get up and walk out, Buffy draped from Spike’s arm.) So what do I win?

*************************************************************

Back at the hotel:

Buffy: (walking in and falling back on the bed with a satisfied sigh) Hey! There’s only one bed in here!

Spike: (comes and lies down next to her, and begins to trail his fingers up and down her arm.) Oh really? I hadn’t noticed.

Buffy: Oh, it’s true. (She turns her head and eyes him suspiciously) Is this a sinister scheme?

Spike: (gives her a sexy smile) Oh yes.

Buffy: Ok.

She turns her body to face Spike and he kisses her. Buffy immediately pushes him aside, and onto his back, but before he even has the chance to feel disappointed, she hops up and straddles his hips. Spike sticks his tongue behind his lower teeth and grins up at her.

*************************************************************

The next afternoon, Buffy bursts into the hotel room, arms laden with shopping bags. The dimness caused by the drawn curtains does nothing to hide the room’s post-tornado-like state. Clothes and bed sheets are thrown everywhere. The door to the bathroom stands open, the tub filled to the brim, shower curtain hanging akimbo. Lamps lie sideways on the floor and every ashtray is filled to the hilt. The TV blares in the background, as Spike lays beneath a layer of blankets, dead to the world, so to speak.

Buffy turns on the light, saunters up to the bed and deposits all of her purchases atop the slumbering Spike. He jolts awake, and peers between the multitude of shopping bags, blinking sleepily.

Spike: What time is it?

Buffy: 1:30.

Spike: Shouldn’t you be hung over?

Buffy: (Plops down on the bed) Nope! Those Slayer superpowers are handy for more than healing gaping wounds.

Spike: Bully for you. (He burrows under the covers)

Buffy gets off the bed and puts her purchases away. She sits back down and flips through all the TV channels three times, finding nothing to her liking. She looks around the room, taps her foot for a bit, before finally leaping on top of Spike.

Buffy: I’m bored! I’m bored! I’m bored! I’m bored!

Spike: This is New York City, how could you possibly be bored?

Buffy: It’s no fun when I’m by myself.

Spike: (turns over to look up at her) And here you didn’t want me to come.

Buffy: (pouting) That’s because I knew you were gonna be a big pain – which you are, I’m bored!

Spike: (leers at her) I can fix that. (Snakes a hand out from under the covers and around her waist)

Buffy: (pouts, but looks like she really doesn’t mean it) So I came all the way to New York to see a closed museum and the inside of my hotel room?

Spike: I’ll take you someplace fun tonight if you’re a good girl.

Buffy smiles.

*************************************************************

Back in sunny California, Giles has gathered the Scooby gang at the Magic Box, and the group is discussing their patrol schedules when Dawn busts in.

Dawn: Spike’s still missing!

Xander: Deja panic attack. He’s a hundred and twenty something year-old creature of unspeakable evil. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t need a babysitter.

Dawn: But...

Anya: You could call the missing person’s bureau.

Dawn gives her a look.

Xander: A. Not a person. B. It hasn’t been 24 hours yet. And C. Who cares?

Anya: So we wait out the 24 hours.

Giles: Anya, unfortunately these agencies are scarcely equipped to handle more mundane disappearances. (To Dawn) I appreciate your concern Dawn, but keeping the local demon population under control has to be a higher priority than locating your wayward vampire friend.

Dawn: What’s wrong with you people? Don’t you think anything that could take out Spike would count as within Scooby jurisdiction? And hello, Buffy just spent two days searching L.A. with El Dweebo for Spike. D’you think she’s not gonna notice that we’ve misplaced him when she comes back?

Tara: Dawn, you have a good point, but I’m sure Spike can take care of himself.

Dawn: He didn’t last time.

Giles: Vampires are notoriously unreliable. I’m sure he’s taking advantage of Buffy’s temporary absence to take Dutch leave of Sunnydale.

Xander: He’s going to Holland?

Giles: (sighs) No. I believe you might call it AWOL.

Xander: Ah.

Dawn: Did everybody miss the part when I said his crypt was ransacked?

Willow: Well maybe he was trying to find stuff while he was packing.

Dawn: (heavy eye roll) Packing? Pack what? Spike has one outfit. And I highly doubt he would put his foot through his own TV.

Anya: He might if his favorite soccer team was shamefully trounced.

Giles: He’d go through a TV every week. Dawn, you may very well be right. We can’t spare the manpower for a full search, but perhaps Willow and Tara can try to find him with a location spell?

Willow and Tara nod their agreement.

*************************************************************

Later that night in the Big Apple, Buffy and Spike are strolling down the Coney Island boardwalk. Buffy, her hair in two braids, is dressed in cutoff denim shorts, a raglan T-shirt with a big glittery 19 emblazoned on the front and sneakers, and eating a large cotton candy. Spike, in his usual attire, walks beside her.

Buffy: (glancing back at the Cyclone, which they have recently come off of) Why would you make a roller coaster out of wood? They had metal; the Bronze Age was a long time ago.

Spike: (grins) I don’t know. It increases the fear factor though, when one stray splinter could mean the end of your life.

Buffy: (gives him a wry look) I don’t think they built it for vampires. Admit it, you loved it.

Spike: (still grinning) I loved it. Can we go again? Please?

Buffy: Nope. Ferris wheel next. (She drags him towards it).

Spike: Ferris wheels are for children.

Buffy: Well, that’s perfect – you big baby. Besides, look how much fun they’re having. (She points to the top of the wheel where 3 young boys in old-fashioned caps are shrieking happily as they wildly rock the car.)

Spike: (Looks up to see an empty chair rocking) Who?

Buffy: Them. (She goes to point, but their car arrives, and they are motioned to get in.) Never mind.

After a relaxing ride on the Ferris Wheel, Buffy and Spike resume their walk down the boardwalk, Buffy looking a bit wobbly.

Buffy: No more funnel cakes.

Spike: Sure you don’t want another Nathan’s famous hot dog luv?

Buffy: (clutching her stomach) Ohhh.

Old lady: Highway robbery!

Buffy: Where? (She turns around to find a small frail old woman sporting a babushka)

Old lady: When they opened, it was two sausages for a penny, and none too cheap at the price. Now it’s one for a nickel!

Buffy: We were seriously overcharged.

The old lady fades away.

Buffy: What the...?

Spike: She’s a ghost luv. (He starts heading for the beach)

Buffy: What? Of hot dogs past? Aren’t they supposed to have unfinished business or something?

Spike: That’s a myth, pet.

Buffy: So we’re in a haunted amusement park. Why do I feel like I’m on Scooby Doo?

Spike: (flopping down on the sand) I don’t think it’s just here. ‘Member the guy in the bar last night?

Buffy: (concentrates hard) Vaguely.

Spike: Yeah well, beers don’t usually disappear into thin air.

Buffy: (plops down next to him) So all of New York is haunted. I guess you’re right about nobody caring here.

Spike: Anyplace old is haunted luv. Get enough dead people; some of us are bound to go for a walk. (Takes her hand.) Not usually quite so visible, though.

Buffy: So what do we do about it?

Spike: Can’t do anything – they’re dead already.

Buffy: So are you.

Spike: Yes, so I’d know. (Starts to nuzzle her neck)

Buffy: So was New York haunted back in the good ol’ days when you lived here?

Spike: (still nuzzling) Hmm? Yeah, more or less. Something seems to have stirred them up a bit, though. Probably Max’s Kansas City.

Buffy: (Gets up and starts pacing, and Spike falls back a bit into the sand, rolling his eyes) So, do these ghosts hurt people? Or just complain about hot dog prices and cops?

Spike: (on his elbows, watching her) I don’t know.

Buffy: Can everybody see them? For all that New Yorkers are blase, wouldn’t someone notice? It would be a big tourist pull...Ooh! Maybe it’s the amulet! It’s supposed to help me see the...hard to see stuff.

Spike: (Gestures at a ghost ship sailing straight through the Brooklyn Bridge) Then why can I see them? (He gets up, walks over to Buffy and begins massaging her shoulders.)

Buffy: (still in business mode, starts pacing again) Maybe you can see them because you’re dead.

Spike: (sighs and hands her his cell phone) Look, why don’t you just call the bloody Watcher and get some answers? You won’t relax until you do.

Buffy: Giles’ll be out on patrol.

Spike: No – the one who gave you the bleedin’ magic item.

Buffy: (gives Spike a ‘oh good idea’ look and dials) Hi...Mr. Kozarski? It’s just Buffy... Yes, I’m fine, how are you? ... Oh good...Yes, I’ve got it on me. Funny you should ask. I’ve been seeing, um, heh, ghosts...yes, ghosts...yes...no...Yes...some of them did...no...Not that I know of...No, it’s not a poltergeist, I’ve met those...kinda solid...hot dogs, oh! And King Tut...When I was leaving the museum. Spectral Tour group. Yeesh! Who’d wanna do that in the afterlife?...I see...I see...Thanks. Call me if you find out more...’Night.

Spike: Well?

Buffy: Well, it’s not the amulet, he says this happens sometimes, but he doesn’t know why.

Spike: Bloody useless.

Buffy: Well, the good news is, he’s never heard of them hurting anybody. He’ll call me if he finds out anything else. So, I guess it’s the standard hunt and seek for me tonight.

Spike: Why?

Buffy: It’s my calling. One girl blah blah blah, you’ve heard this before.

Spike: (half grin) Pet, they’re not hurting anyone, and once you find them you can’t do anything. Let’s chalk it up to a cultural experience and call it a night.

Buffy: (quirks an eyebrow at him) But...well...I guess you’re right.

Spike: ‘Course I am. So let’s enjoy the rest of the evening.

They walk down the beach a bit, and Buffy begins shivering, her summer attire not well suited to the breeze blowing of the water. Spike takes off his duster and drapes it over her shoulders.

Buffy: (as she shrugs into the coat) This is kinda like that footprints poem. Except for the part where an undead bloodsucker gives me his coat. And there are no piggybacks.

*************************************************************

Late that night, Buffy and Spike are on the empty F Train, headed for Soho. In her hands, Buffy holds a tiny stuffed bear, while Spike is struggling with a giant stuffed giraffe. He finally sets it down on an empty subway seat.

Buffy: Told you I’d be better at the bullseye game than you.

Spike: I’d have won if it weren’t for the bloody bad music from the tilt-a-whirl. Put me off my game.

Buffy: Yeah yeah. Crazy New York antics: Buffy 2 Spike 0.

Spike: You didn’t win last night, I won last night. You could barely walk.

Buffy: But, you gave me my prize! You know, the bathtub...and the thing... (She blushes)

Spike: I was humoring you luv, it being your first trip to New York and all.

Buffy: Humoring me! I beat you fair and square! (She pokes him in the chest with each word)

Spike: Beginner’s luck. I’ve got more stamina than you.

Buffy: (folds her arms) Oh really?

Spike: (snarky look) Proved it last night, didn’t I?

Buffy, having no answer, resorts to her usual tactic of punching Spike in the nose. Spike grins and punches her back. Buffy takes a moment to stow her bear in her coat pocket and then whirls, kicking Spike squarely in the chest, sending him flying across the car. She then cartwheels, and lands in front of him, just in time for Spike to kip up and grab her. He spins her outwards, so her back is facing him, and leans down to nuzzle her ear, but is quickly halted when she grabs his arm and sends him hurtling over her shoulder. Buffy snarls and leaps in the air, fist raised, ready to punch his prone form, but Spike again is able to regain his footing before she can connect.

Buffy, her face twisted with anger, grabs Spike by the scruff of the neck and smashes his head through the subway window. Spike pulls back in, a look of surprise on his face and whirls to face her again. Buffy is breathing hard, getting ready for her next attack, and Spike takes that time to rip the subway pole out of it’s hinges with a snarl. Spinning it in front of him like a baton, he brings the railing down in an arc, catching Buffy on the back, and then as she spins and punches him back, he hits her in the gut, sending her to the floor. Spike gets on top of her, attempting to bring the rail down on her shoulder, but Buffy grabs it, and whacks it across his face, sending him rolling off of her and onto his back. Buffy hops up, and straddles Spike’s hips, her hands around his neck. The subway lights flicker, and when they come back on, Buffy is still straddling Spike, but her hands lie limply at her sides.

Buffy: (talking over Spike’s head) Ok, that’s enough. This ends now!

Spike: (holds up his hands) Fine by me.

Buffy: (ignores him and gets up. She stares the air down defiantly.) Come out come out wherever you are.

Nikki: (the Slayer Spike killed in the ’70s appears behind Buffy, lounging on a subway seat, her booted feet propped up on the railing. She spreads her arms) Here I am.

Buffy: (spins to face her) Who are you?

Spike: Fuck.

Buffy: (confused) You know each other?

Nikki: You might say we’ve met.

Buffy: Wanna elaborate on that?

Spike: (mumbling) It’s the...you know...the girl I told you about that night.

Nikki: I’m dead, not deaf. I can hear you. This (jabs her head at Spike) is the vamp that did me in.

Buffy: (comprehension dawns) Oh. (To Spike) I thought the unfinished business thing was a myth.

Spike shrugs.

Buffy: So now what?

Nikki: Now we kill him, it’s our job.

Spike: Oh god, not again.

Buffy: How ‘bout no. I’m not sayin’ I approve of the whole him killing you thing, but that’s in the past now.

Nikki: Yes, I am in the past, but you’re in the present Slayer, so slay.

Buffy: No.

Spike: That’s tellin’ her pet!

They both glare daggers at him, and Spike wisely shuts up.

Nikki: You know how he killed me? You know how he got that coat you’re wearin’?

Buffy: Oddly enough, yes. He said you had a death wish.

Nikki: What can I say? I changed my mind.

Buffy: It’s a bit late for that.

Nikki: But it’s not too late for you to finish the job.

Buffy: He’s changed.

Nikki: Vampire’s don’t change.

Spike: Get that from your Watcher, pet?

Nikki gives him another death glare.

Buffy: Spike, you’re not helping.

Nikki: Did you expect him to help? He’s a vampire; he’s only waiting to kill you.

Buffy: Then he’s been waiting a really long time. He helps me now, he slays other vampires.

Nikki: So?

Buffy: What do you mean so? That’s not usual vampire behavior. God, who was your Watcher?

Nikki: So, he’s still a vampire. We kill vampires, that’s what we do, that’s what we are. No matter how many of his kind he dusts, it’ll never make up for all the people he’s killed.

Buffy: I’m so tired of this conversation.

Nikki: Fine, no more words.

She sends a right hook towards Buffy’s jaw. Buffy, expecting the blow to go right through her, is quite surprised when it connects, and connects hard. She quickly regains her equilibrium, and sends a blur of fists at Nikki’s chest, driving her back towards a subway pole. Nikki backs behind the pole and grabs on, spinning herself around, legs flying towards Buffy’s midsection. Buffy flips backwards, out of harm's reach, and stands ready for the next attack, as Spike watches the two Slayers dance, mouth agape. Nikki starts running towards Buffy, but at the last second, slides between Buffy’s legs, hops up and around and punches Buffy in the kidneys, followed by a leg sweep that drops Buffy to the ground. Buffy hops up, and stares down Nikki, she’s open for business now. Buffy sends a flying leap kick at Nikki’s head and then lands in front of the spectral Slayer, bringing her back leg up over her head for a scorpion kick. Nikki is thrust back for a moment, but then barrels into Buffy, knocking them both to the floor. The ghost Slayer pulls a stake from her pocket, it being the only weapon on hand, and plunges it towards Buffy’s chest. Before Buffy can react, Spike has thrown himself at her, pushing her out of the way, ready to take the stake himself if need be. Nikki’s stake plunges downward, but it goes through Spike’s chest like a wisp of smoke. Buffy, having gotten up by this time, sends a left hook at Nikki, knocking her away from Spike, and stalks towards her.

Nikki: (getting up and raising her hands in a gesture of peace) I guess you haven’t lost your edge.

Buffy: Nope, that’s me, still sharp and pointy.

Nikki: (throws her stake to the ground, where it disappears) I still think you’re crazy. (She walks to Buffy and touches the lapel of what was once her coat) It looks good on you.

Buffy: Thanks.

Nikki: (nods her head at Spike almost imperceptibly) Watch your back.

Spike: That’s my job.

Nikki rolls her eyes at him and fades away.

*************************************************************

Back in Sunnydale, Willow and Tara are sitting across from each other on Spike’s crypt floor. They are inside a circle of lit candles, chanting, with an Atlas open to the state of California between them. Suddenly, a wind blows across the crypt, as if from nowhere, and starts flipping the pages of the book. A green spark alights from one of the candles, swirls in the air, leaving a glimmering trail, before finally settling on a page, leaving a glowing green spot in the middle of the atlas. Willow and Tara look down at the page in surprise.

Willow: He’s in New York? (A look of understanding dawns on her face, followed by a look of worry.)

*************************************************************

The next morning, at the Soho Grand, Buffy and Spike are in bed with a half eaten room service tray at the foot of the bed. Spike lounges shirtless, watching cartoons, and Buffy is cuddled under the covers, looking quite snug in her banana-printed pajamas. The phone rings, and Buffy leans over Spike to answer it.

Buffy: (lying across Spike) Hello?...Oh hi Mr. Kozarski!.. Ok, Stan... Just one, I ran into a Slayer of days past... On the F Train... tall, Afro, and really cool pants... did you find anything out?... Aligned with what?...Each other, uh-huh, does this happen a lot?...Ok, so I’ve had my turn in this century...well great...thanks so much...Bye!

Buffy: (hangs up the phone, turns to Spike and shrugs) Star alignment.

Spike: (shrugs and looks over her at the TV) Powerpuff Girls are on.

Buffy: Ooh! (She settles back under the covers)

*************************************************************

Later that night, Buffy and Spike exit Nobu downtown. Buffy is dressed appropriately, in a nice flowing summer dress, while Spike, once again, sports his usual attire.

Buffy: That was unbelievable!

Spike: Never been one for raw fish m’self.

Buffy: Yes, but you like blood.

Spike: Not with sushi.

Buffy: (eyebrow quirk) But it’s a happy medley with pancakes?

Spike: Works just like syrup.

Buffy: Not enough eew in the world.

As they are walking down the deserted Canal Street, three shady looking characters emerge from the shadows of an alleyway.

Mugger: Do what we say and no one gets hurt.

Buffy stares at them.

Mugger: What?

Buffy: I’m waiting for you to turn into something.

Mugger: Don’t get cute lady. Give me your purse.

Buffy: (bursts into laughter) You’ve got to be kidding me! You’re trying to mug me. (Turns to Spike) They’re trying to mug me!

Spike smiles, lights up a cigarette and lounges against the wall, waiting for the show.

Buffy: Hold this. (She hands Spike her purse)

One of the muggers runs towards her, attempting to intercept her purse on the way to Spike, but he is grabbed by Buffy who throws him into the alley, and crashing into a pile of garbage cans. The next mugger pulls a knife and heads towards Buffy as well, but is quickly stopped when she grabs his wrist and twists. The bones snap, and the knife clatters uselessly to the ground. The third mugger, deciding Buffy isn’t the best one to take on, rushes Spike and attempts to grab the purse from him. Spike backhands the man without thinking, sending him crashing into the wall. Spike then realizes what has happened, and puts his hand to his head with a questioning look on his face.

Spike: Um...Slayer?

Buffy: (having knocked her opponent unconscious, takes Spike’s hand and gazes into his eyes) Let’s go home.

Spike immediately loses his train of thought and follows her back to the hotel.

*************************************************************

The next afternoon, Buffy arrives home, laden with packages. She deposits everything in the hallway, digs some items out of one of the bags, and bops down the hallway, humming to herself. She grabs a coke from the refrigerator, and plasters a bunch of “I Love NY” magnets on the door. She is on the way to the stairs, smiling and singing when the phone rings. Buffy returns to the kitchen, and picks up the cordless.

Buffy: (singsong voice) Hello?

Angel: Buffy?

Buffy: Angel? (Is a bit thrown for a minute, but continues in good spirits) What’s up?

Angel: Spike’s chip is out.

Buffy: (the smile drains from her face) What?

Angel: The Wolfram and Hart thing. Lindsey showed up just now. He said they turned the chip off.

Buffy: And you believed the man that kidnapped you and stuck you in a cage?

Angel: You wanna take the chance that he’s lying?

Buffy: Well, it’s been over a month, and he hasn’t tried to kill me.

Angel: He could have been killing other people.

Buffy: (small, hurt voice) Angel, why are you doing this to me?

Angel: (aghast with disbelief) Buffy, I’m not doing anything to you. I’m warning you.

Buffy: Oh yeah, I can so see some group of lawyers gettin’ together to help Spike.

Angel: (dead serious tone) Makes perfect sense to me.

Buffy: Ok, explain, brain boy.

Angel: You don’t know these guys, Buffy. They brought back Darla, they brought back Dru, and now they’re bringin’ back Spike.

Buffy: How would they even know he was gonna be there? This kind of thing takes planning.

Angel: Wouldn’t take planning if he was helping.

Buffy: Oh yeah, so Spike conveniently waited until I decided to go see Faith, offered to carpool and then planned to have himself kidnapped, with you, so he could get his chip removed while I was in the area.

Angel: I’m not sayin’ I know what he planned. I’m just sayin’ it looks awfully suspicious. I mean, if you’re gonna do it, why not make it look like one big coincidence?

Buffy: Spike doesn’t have plans. He has rush in and bop things over the head and hope it works. And if all else fails, bop more things over the head.

Angel: Fine, so this time it was rush in and kidnap two vampires... (He pauses and catches himself, realizing they have gotten off-topic) Look - that’s not the point. The point is he’s dangerous. You don’t know what he could do.

Buffy: Gee Angel, I didn’t know your new motto was help the helpless and stake the innocent. It is innocent until proven guilty in this country, isn’t it?

Angel: (blinks) He’s not innocent!

Buffy: (in a small, tear-filled voice) I just wanna be sure.

Angel: (something inside of him can’t help but melt, and his voice softens) Buffy...you know I want you to be happy, but I - I also want you to be safe.

Buffy: (tears start rolling down her cheeks) Oh god, what am I supposed to do?

Angel: Look, I dunno, maybe there’s something we could figure out?

Buffy: Is there any way to find out if this Lindsey guy was lying?

Angel: (thinks for a minute) I can break into their offices, see what I can find out.

Wesley: (in the background, but loud enough for Buffy to hear) Angel, that’s too dangerous.

Angel: (covers the phone with his hand, but doesn’t fully block his voice out) What else do you want me to do?

Buffy: (assuming Wesley has no better answer, and having had quite enough of Wesley anyway) No, it’s ok, I can do this. I’ll handle it. Um...thanks?

Angel: If you need me to help...

Buffy: (softly) No. I think it’s best if I do this alone.

Angel: You can’t trust him.

Buffy: (crying silently) I know. (She hangs up the phone.)

*************************************************************

At Giles’ apartment, the phone rings, jarring Giles from a nice glass of whiskey and a large leather-bound tome. He goes to the desk and picks up the phone.

Giles: (listens and then grimaces) Hello Travers.

Evidence of Things Unseen