Measure of a Man

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E-mail Hilary

By Beth Muramoto

Rating: PG

Summery: Spike is injured protecting Buffy and must fight for his life

It had started out as just another day of patrolling for Buffy and Spike. They didn't have to question or worry about each other when they fought the pesky demons. They both understood each other's moves and had developed a connection unlike either of them had ever experienced with anyone else. It was like they were one entity, completely in tuned with the other's thoughts, feelings, and actions, especially in battle. They knew when the other one was in trouble and covered each other effortlessly. They had a developed a fighting style that went beyond choreography, it was a psychic ballet.

They also had a trust that was unbreakable. It hadn't always been that way. They had gone through so much to develop that trust, to come as far as they had from where they had begun as enemies. Buffy admitted that Spike came to it sooner than she did. She had resisted so long because of the prejudices she had learned, about her role as a slayer and her relationship to all demons and vampires alike. They were all evil, didn't feel, couldn't love. Generalizing. It was safer and kept her from feeling for them. But over the years, even when she didn't admit it herself she had realized that Spike didn't fit any of the known "compartments" in her mind and in her training. He had defied them all. She had only come to recently discover from Spike, himself, that it was his love for her, a love that even he had thought he could never feel, that had changed him. He'd always been different, he admitted, but when he had fallen in love with her, it eclipsed anything in his undead life. Though she hadn't told him, she had fallen in love with him too. It, too, eclipsed anything she had ever felt for Angel. Their love was borne of friendship and built from passion. A passion that had never dimmed. Just as Spike had declared that he would do anything for her, that he was inexorably tied to her life, so was her devotion to him and his life. She had decided that she would finally tell him. He had given up expecting it from her and just enjoyed the time spent with her, but she knew that it was the right thing to tell him and she would tonight.

As her thoughts strayed to how she was going to tell him, she heard someone screaming out her name in the distance and reacted slowly to it.

Spike had been paralleling Buffy's steps. It was one of the strategies that they had developed to cover more ground without losing sight of each other. Tonight, though, he had noticed that her strides were slower than usual and she seemed to be distracted. He could sense it. He'd have to ask her what was bothering her later. Lately, their relationship had developed into a comfortable togetherness. The harshness that had threaded their relationship over the years had disappeared. They still did their sarcastic banter, but it no longer strayed into painful, hateful words that wounded them. Spike's only longing or what he called his "selfish bastard" side was the love from her that he felt so deeply for her. She had acknowledged his love and believed it as real. She no longer doubted that he could feel love. She told him that everything he had done for her had more than proven that...but she had not said anything about her feelings. She had only gone as far as saying that she cared for him and that he was in her heart. She was still not ready to say or commit to anything more. She told him it was as much for him as for her. She didn't believe that she was worthy of his unconditional love and didn't want to hurt him with her uncertain feelings. He appreciated her kindness and knew that she had been honest so he couldn't complain. Just being with her was enough for now. Anything less would be painful.

Suddenly, he saw the spear, coming out of nowhere, as if from thin air flying through the air and heading in Buffy's direction. His heart, if it could beat, would have stopped. She hadn't seen it coming her way. He had to stop it. He had to run and stop it. As he did, he screamed her name, but knew that she wouldn't be able to dodge it in time.

"BUFFY!" He cried.

She heard Spike's yell and turned to see a large spear hurtling its way towards her. Suddenly, she couldn't move. All that slayer training and she was frozen. It was only for a moment, but she knew in her heart that any reaction she made would be too late. It was traveling too fast, unusually fast. All she could do was close her eyes and wait for the impact. She then heard another scream from Spike, a scream so agonizing, it forced her to open her eyes and finally move, but when she did, she was horror-stricken to find Spike at her feet, the spear plunged dead center into his chest. Her immediate thought was "thank goodness it missed his heart", but then her emotions flooded her heart and eyes.

"Spike, oh my god, Spike!!!!"

"Buff.....Buffy...I'm all right, it missed my heart. I guess I'll have to dust another day." He uttered painfully, feeling something odd inside his wound, like something oozing into his bloodstream, but he couldn't tell if he was imagining it or not. "Help me get this bugger out of me."

Buffy nodded and pulled it out as quickly as she could from the front. Spike growled an agonizing groan and arched his chest as it left. Buffy threw the spear to the ground and then went to check the wound.

"Spike, are you sure you're okay?" Buffy asked, calmed a little by his earlier gallows humor about cheating death.

"I'm fine, luv. Nothing a few bandages can't fix."

Buffy hadn't realized until just then that her eyes had been rimmed with tears that were about to spill over,

"Oh, Spike, you've got to stop putting yourself in front of hurling objects to save me...." She tried to joke, but her tears choked off the retort and she sobbed. She could have lost him tonight and everything would have been left unsaid.

"Pet, don't cry, I'm fine." Spike said, but he began to realize that he wasn't feeling that fine and he felt an intense pain rising from the wound. He used all his strength to keep it back so he wouldn't alarm Buffy. The pain he was feeling was unlike anything he had felt before and he had experienced his share of suffering over his many hundred years. "Let's get out of here, I just need to rest."

Buffy nodded and composed herself. "Let's head to my house. It's closer and I have more comfortable furniture than your crypt."

"Are you making fun of my decorating skills? I'll have you know it's very feng shui..." Spike said with difficulty. He had to keep the humor up despite the intensifying pain. It was becoming hard to stay focused. An occasional groan would rise up his throat.

"Yeah, sure it is, "Buffy smirked back.They had made it back to her house and she laid him on the couch because she felt his grip loosening around her waist.

"Rest here and I'll get the bandages."

Spike released a half groan and half sigh at being able to finally sit and rest, but the pain was becoming unbearable and he was having trouble keeping control of it. He felt his hands clench into fists and he had to squeeze his eyes closed to continue fighting it off. This didn't feel right at all. The wound wasn't large enough to cause this much pain. Even the chip degrading inside of his brain felt like a paper cut in comparison to what he was feeling now. At the time he thought it would fry his gray matter. "It's all relative, inni it?" He once told Buffy about pain and suffering.

"Oh..ggggooddd...." Spike finally hissed as he could no longer stand it.

Buffy came into the room and saw Spike's hands gripping the couch and heard his heart-wrenching moan. She rushed towards him.

"Spike, what's wrong?"

"I don't know, luv. I'm....I'm...the pain is bloody awful...I shouldn't be feeling this much...with this wound...I can't control it...mmmmm..." He almost whimpered, "something's very wrong..."

"I'll call Giles, maybe there was something about that spear, maybe it was poisoned?"

Spike could only nod his head, "Hurry...pet...I've got a pretty high threshold for pain...but this is nothing...I've...I've...ugghhhh..."

Buffy was already on the phone dialing Giles's number. All the while, her thoughts were racing, "please don't die, Spike, please...Giles please pick up the phone."

When Giles had arrived, Spike was still fighting off pain and Buffy was holding his hand, stroking it with hers in the hopes that she was providing some kind of comfort if only a little. He had begun to wish for unconsciousness, but that was another odd thing about what he was feeling. His senses were more alive than they usually are and the pain seemed to be actually preventing him from falling unconscious almost keeping him awake. His luck...maybe he should stop shielding Buffy from flying objects like she had said, it was getting too bloody dangerous. Of course, he knew that he could never stop protecting her. He had already accepted that he would give up his life in an instant to spare hers. He would do all that it took to keep her safe. His love for her was profound in that way. He had never felt so much for anyone and he had already "lived" through Buffy's death to know that he would never let that happen again. Falling into hell would be better than the hell on earth he felt after her death. Never again!

Buffy told Giles everything she knew and Spike also enlightened the Watcher on his heightened senses and about the pain keeping him conscious.

"Do you still have the spear?" Giles asked, "Maybe it will have markings or if there was a poison involved, there will be some traces left on it and Willow can analyze it."

"I tossed it in the cemetery. I'll go back and get it." Buffy said, but as she began to rise, Spike grabbed her arm.

"No, it's too dangerous...the spear was meant for you...whoever or whatever is out there...might try it again...you can't go...alone..." Spike uttered, terror was in his eyes.

"I'll be all right, Spike," Buffy said, but Spike's pleading eyes, softened her, "Okay, I'll have Xander come with me. I have to call the gang anyway."

Spike let go of her arm more from being unable to hold the grip than from being satisfied with her answer, but he knew his Buffy. She would go with or without assistance and she was only placating him. He managed a weak nod.

Several hours later, Spike was aware that the Scooby gang had all assembled in the Summers house. It seemed impossible to think that a year ago all of these friends of Buffy's wouldn't have cared whether he lived or died, yet here they were assembled to help him now, most with some kind of kindness and caring for him, not from obligation to Buffy alone. Dawn had temporarily replaced Buffy by Spike's side holding his hands in hers. He loved Dawn so much. She had come to mean so much to him. Her acceptance of him was second only to Buffy's mum, Joyce, who treated him kindly despite knowing he was a vampire. Dawn had come to him out of a need to feel accepted herself and he understood. He would die for her too. The only Scooby who probably still harbored ill will for him was Xander, but Spike had come to understand him too. Xander had loved Buffy from high school. For him, she was his first love and always would be. He couldn't hold that against him. He understood well the loving of Buffy and to some extent, her love was just as unrequited for him as it was for Xander. Yet, even he had come to care enough to help, if only that Buffy cared about him.

Buffy and Xander had been successful in finding the spear after much anguished searching and brought it to Giles who was sitting at the dining room table surrounded by some of the books Willow had retrieved for him as well as Anya from the Magic Shop. They had even stopped by to get some blood, knowing Spike would need it for healing. Willow was hunched over a microscope examining the poison that she had swabbed from the point of the spear.

Buffy went back to sitting by Spike. All the while in the cemetery while trying to find the spear, her heart ached to be back here, afraid that Spike would leave her and she wouldn't be there...that she wouldn't have the chance to tell him what she had wanted to all night, all these many years that she knew that she loved him and kept it from him. Hurting him in ways that no weapon could, not even this spear.

"Spike, hang on, please, we're trying to figure it out. Don't leave me..." Buffy began sobbing uncontrollably. She felt his grip in her hands and bent down to kiss his lips, gently so she wouldn't hurt him, but even through his pain, he returned it more lovingly, deeply and, if possible, with desire behind it to reassure her he was still there. "God, I love you so much..."

"Luv, I'm not going anywhere...especially not now...never leave you..." Spike said, uncertain he could keep his promise. "Not if I can help it", he thought to himself. "You know I love you, have always loved you and will always love you."

Buffy smiled through her tears, but it soon disappeared when she saw Spike's face contort and his body arch and stiffen from his pain, struggling to keep from screaming, but his body spoke everything. Buffy screamed for him, "Spike! What's wrong? Hold on, please, please!"

" Guys! Hurry!!!"

"I've managed to identify the spear as one used by a specific vampire sect. They perfected a poison that can kill both human and vampire alike, but for a vampire, the effects are particularly agonizing. It correlates with what Spike described. There's a component that mercilessly keeps vampires awake through the pain the poison inflicts. It is a punishment. The assumption is if the sect used the poison to kill a vampire, it would be because it was a traitor."

"I don't understand, it was aimed at me, it was coming towards me..." Buffy's voice trembled.

"We'll never know who the true victim was meant to be. As a slayer, you still could've been the intended target and Spike by putting himself between you and the spear was hit."

"No, it was meant for me..." Spike rasped through the continual pain.

"How can you know that?" Buffy asked.

"I know that sect...they're talked about among other vampires...and I'm...infamous...of sorts...for my betrayal by helping the slayer."

"Still, it was aimed at me..."

"They know that I would protect you...this sect is also known for their twisted sense of mental torture..." Spike breathed heavily, "It's more entertaining for them to see me rush to save Buffy... They get their jollies no matter who they were aiming at...If I had been too late, Buffy's dead, if I had saved her, I'd be dead and half the entertainment would be to see me suffer or struggle..."

"I don't care anymore who they were after, I just want to find out the antidote to it and save Spike."

There was a long pause by everyone.

"Well, Buffy...you see..." Giles stammered.

"What? What are you saying..." Buffy asked desperately, her voice cracking.

"Sweetheart..."Spike swallowed hard again, "they're trying to tell you, there is no antidote..."

"No..." Buffy gasped, "No, I won't accept that."

"It's true, Buffy." Giles said, "There is no known cure..."

"Then I'll hunt every vampire down until..."

"Luv, you can't do that you know it..." Spike groaned, "I don't want to leave you, never would leave you willingly, but if it's my time..."

"No, that's not good enough...it can't be good enough."

"Well, Spike isn't entirely correct either," Giles interrupted.

"What? What do you mean?" Buffy asked, hope filling her heart.

"Yes, the poison can be fatal and I can't raise your hopes or Spike's, it probably will be, but in the readings, there is also a reference to the poison being used as a rite of passage of sorts for joining the sect. It's used as a test of loyalty. Any vampire strong enough to survive the poison, passes the test."

"So it's survivable?" Buffy asked, "Spike could still live?"

"Perhaps, but it's torture, Buffy. Hours and hours of extraordinary pain. It would take Spike as close to death without killing him, if he were to survive."

Buffy had a torn look on her face. She didn't want Spike to suffer, but her selfish side kept needling at her that if there was a chance...but to put Spike through all that pain...after seeing all of the pain that he'd already endured...She didn't know what to do.

Spike felt Buffy's anguish, understood the options she had to consider, one of them being sparing him the pain and relieving his agony, but he wouldn't, couldn't ask her to do that, especially after she had expressed her love for him. She would never get over it. It would haunt her just like it had haunted her when she thought she had killed Katrina, even accidentally. He knew that he would have to make the decision for her. If there was a chance to live for her, he would. He didn't want to die, not now.

"Pet, I promised you that I would never leave you...don't want to die. I've gone through worse in my unlife and survived it, went through the demon trials to get my soul and lived...this won't be any diff...any diff..." Spike choked as a wave of excruciating pain hit him hard, he squeezed Buffy's hand and any normal hand would have been crushed by it, but she held on, felt the intensity through his grip, "Bloody hell..." he groaned, "those bastards...those sadistic bastards...unnnh."

Buffy's face, shimmering from her tears, managed a small smile for Spike. God, he was the most heroic man she'd ever known. All that he does for her, for her love, astonishes her, made her doubt so long that anyone, demon or man, could have such a capacity for love and devotion. No man has ever done that for her. Angel and Riley had both left, one because he thought it would give her a chance at a normal life and the other because he knew he could only give her a normal life...How ironic? But Spike understood her, loved her in spite of all she had done, loved her for who she was. He was willing to battle death for her, for the right to live in her life, her world.

"Spike, I...", there were no words she could say. Thanking him seemed hollow and insufficient for what he was doing for her.

"Buffy...just hold me," Spike said, "If I feel you with me, I'll get through it... Your love can get me through anything, I can even beat death."

All the scoobies in the room were moved, watching Spike struggle for love, fighting to live for the love of Buffy. They were either crying openly or stunned silent. Though they knew Spike loved Buffy, they had never considered how far he would go for her. It was a devotion that some didn't think he was capable of, that anyone was capable of, but he was a marvel to them. There were no "textbooks" on Spike. He was writing them as he lived.

"I'll warm up the blood, " Dawn said, breaking the quiet tension in the room, " He'll need it to make him stronger."

She rushed into the kitchen and put a bag of blood into the microwave. She pressed the button to start it. While it began to hum, she allowed herself to cry fully. She hoped she'd find someone as loving as Spike someday. Buffy was so lucky. Dawn loved him too. He had listened to her, understood her own outsider pain, didn't treat her like a child or a fragile thing."

Buffy laid herself gently on Spike's chest again. No longer sobbing, but wrapping her arms around him, kissing him gently on his face. The time for sorrow would have to wait, hopefully it would never come. For however long this took, she was going to give him all her strength to make sure that he never doubted her love for him, to be there for him like he had been for her for so many years. She was going make up for all of the suffering he had already endured at her hands, both emotional and physical. He had never given up on her through all of the cruel things she had said and done to him. He just took the punishment and seemed to absorb her pain so that it could no longer hurt her, but at such a great cost to him. She had caused him to lose hope so many times, yet somehow he'd find a way to regain it again.

"Spike, I love you so much, " Buffy whispered to him "The way you know me, the way you touch me, the way you never left me when I couldn't find the right words to say, when I didn't try to find them and used bitter ones instead. I know that I've asked so much of you, demanded so much from you and I don't deserve, don't have the right to ask you to do this for me, going through this for me, but I promise that I will give you the love you so deserve, that I will never leave. From this moment on, you'll never be rid of me, what do you think of that?" Buffy smiled.

"Good..." Spike said as he reached up painfully and stroked her face with his shaky hands. "You deserve so much more than me, luv. You have no idea how much love and strength you give, just by being who you are and letting me into your life, letting me share time with you. It's more than I could ever hope for. I don't regret a thing. You saved me, made me a man, a better man..."

"No, you were already a better man." She said.

Over the next several hours, Spike fought the pain. He had never felt so much unremitting pain. If he survived this, he will have earned his right to live and his reputation in the demon world would be that he was hard to kill, maybe impossible to kill. He liked that idea. He liked that demons would think twice before trying to cross his path. His big bad side relished it.

He felt himself growing weaker. It was getting harder and harder to endure the pain. Dawn kept warming blood for him and feeding him, hoping it would keep him going and it did help. She was a beauty like her sister. So full of love and caring it swelled his heart.

Buffy had fallen asleep on his chest when Giles came to check on her.

"Watcher," Spike whispered, not wanting to wake her, "Take her so that she can rest."

Giles nodded and managed to move her to a nearby chair. She was so exhausted that she didn't even stir.

"How are you feeling?" Giles asked with genuine concern, but also felt it was a stupid question.

"To be honest, I don't know..." Spike said, tiredly, "The pain is still bloody intense, but it's not hitting me so often...I don't know if that means that I'm dying or if it's working its way out of my system. If only I could sleep, rest in between, but my senses are still alive. I'm so tired..."

"Spike," Giles paused and stopped to take off his glasses and fumbled them in his hands as he often did when he was nervous or frustrated, " I know you are doing this for Buffy. I know that you chose this because you know that she couldn't...that you wouldn't ask her to..." Giles struggled with his words, all that education and he was sounding like a babbling twit, "What I mean to say is, if it becomes too much...if the suffering becomes too much for you, all you need do is ask me..."

Spike was impressed and even moved that Buffy's Watcher, sworn to destroy his kind without prejudice, was offering to relieve his suffering as well as spare Buffy ever having to make that choice.

"I understand and appreciate what you're offering, mate, but I couldn't ask you to do that anymore than I could ask it of Buffy. She wouldn't be able to forgive you, no matter if deep in her heart she'd want to. She would be haunted by the memory and hate you for it. I couldn't stand knowing that I left her that way, with that memory. I couldn't ruin your relationship with her...If it is my time, she'll need you..." Spike clenched his hands and grunted as pain riddled through his body yet again, "I'm...willing...to leave my life in the hands of fate...no matter what happens, at least this way, Buffy will have a chance to go on living, love again, without my leaving her by her hand or someone else's...I can endure it, for her, I can endure an eternity's worth of pain and suffering. I'm not afraid of it. I'm more afraid for Buffy and what will happen to her after I'm gone. Make sure that you are with her and help her until she's ready to move on...force her if you have to, that I told you I'd want that for her...that the dying would've been worth it knowing that..."

"You needn't ask, of course I will." Giles said.

"Didn't think I'd have to, but I felt I had to say it."

"Spike, I want to apologize for doubting you, doubting your love for Buffy, for misjudging you..."

"For trying to kill me? " Spike smirked, the humor helped eased the tension.

"Well, yes, I hope you know that I was protecting Buffy."

"I do...I don't blame you. I was a monster. Still am a monster, really, just one with a soul. I will never be good enough for her. I know that. Admire you for loving her enough to protect her. Never doubted that, really, but I do love her, believe that, if nothing else." Spike said, growing weaker, "You were just doing your job..." Spike paused, a half cough and groan came from his throat, "Oh bugger..." He said as he curled into a ball, groaning as another wave of pain hit him.

It had been 24 hours since Spike had been infected with the poison. Somewhere in his tired mind and body, he felt that the pain seemed to be easing, fading, but he was feeling so weak that he wasn't sure if it was because he was near death now or if the poison was leaving him. He could barely move, Buffy had returned to lying on his chest. He scanned the living room of the Summers house and saw all of Buffy's friends sleeping in various chairs, keeping a vigil over her and for some, over him as well. It was comforting to him that they would all be there if anything happened...that he wouldn't die alone. He had believed that he would die alone, had accepted that as his fate.

He looked down at Buffy, his hands barely having the strength to stroke her hair or cup her face. He couldn't even lift his head to kiss her. He was feeling so tired now. His body felt like dead weight to him. Memories began to fade in and out of his mind. He remembered the good and the bad with fondness now. All they had gone through had brought them to this moment. Can't regret anything now, he thought to himself. Memories of the first time he told her that he loved her, her first kiss to him after Glory had tortured him (survived that too), when she told him she believed in him before he was taken by the First, getting his soul...all those memories.

Spike felt the weariness wash over him. It felt like a shroud draping him. He was almost relieved that he could finally rest, but also a little afraid that if he gave into sleep, it would be eternal, that this was his end...didn't want to die, leave her, but he was no longer sure he could stay with her, stop death from coming for him.

"Love you, pet." He whispered, "Feel my love for you, hear my thoughts. Believe that I will always be with you, that my love will not die with my body. It's everlasting, without end, it's in my blood and yours..."
Spike faded away with those last thoughts and a small, satisfied grin lined his lips.

Buffy woke up with a start. She had heard Spike's voice telling her that he would always love her, that his love would always be in her blood...it was like he was saying goodbye...No, not goodbye...

She looked up at Spike and his eyes were closed, his body still for the first time, yet there was this soft smile on his lips. Her heart raced, ached. "No!" She yelled, waking everyone.

They then heard her wailing, almost howling Spike's name. It was a sound that caused physical pain to them all. They all loved her and would've done anything to keep her from harm and to feel the pain she was feeling now.

"What is it, Buffy?" Giles asked and was the first to run to her side.

"It's Spike…he's stopped moving," she said, her voice hoarse from her wailing and crying, "I dreamt that I heard him talking to me, telling me that his love was everlasting, like he was telling me goodbye and when I woke up, I found him like this…"

"How can we know for sure?" Xander asked, "Normally doesn't have a heartbeat, normally doesn't breathe?"

Giles looked over at Spike and just smiled.

Buffy noticed his reaction and asked, "What? What is it? Why are you smiling, Giles?" Anger was rising in her voice, was Giles happy that Spike was dead?

"Have you forgotten already, Buffy?"

She stared at him, looking hurt and confused.

"When a vampire dies, whether by being staked or any other means, they always turn to dust. Spike is still here. The poison is gone. He's asleep. He's done it. He lives or unlives."

Buffy's eyes brightened, practically glowed, and she ran to hug Giles so tightly, he gasped with the breath she pushed out of him. Everyone in the room, short of cheering, smiled broadly with his good news. Dawn lightly sobbed tears of relief and joy.

"Guess I need a brush up on my vampire lore, huh?"

"He's been through a lot, he'll probably sleep for a long time to regain his strength, but I think his vampire healing has already taken over."

Buffy could only nod her head and then she kneeled back down to stare at Spike's peaceful visage. His face was calm and handsome. Oh, how she loved this vampire, this demon who defied everything written, who claimed that his love for her changed him, made him achieve things that he thought he never would, compassion, redemption, love.

"Thank you for loving me. Thank you for giving me faith in enduring love." Buffy whispered.

A few more hours passed and the others had left to give Buffy and Spike some time alone. Dawn had gone up to bed, she had been unable to really sleep the whole time and literally fell unconscious when she hit her bed, a sense of relief washed over her, a feeling of security, knowing Spike was here to protect her, both her and Buffy, as he had always done.

Spike finally moaned and opened his eyes, not fully knowing where he was at first, believing that he had died when he lost consciousness. He turned to see Buffy looking back at him, smiling sweetly up at him, the pain of the poison was gone, but he felt the soreness of muscles that had been stretched to their limits.

"Buffy…" He rasped tiredly.

"Hey…" her little voice said, her face glowed in the candlelight of the room.

Spike was so moved by her beauty as it was framed by the flickering candles.

"Am I really here or is this a cruel dream?"

"No, you're not dreaming, you're here with me…" Buffy said kissing him and despite feeling like she was all cried out, she felt her eyes filling again with joyful tears. Spike returned her kiss, deepening it as he had done so many hours earlier, never losing his passion for her. "Mmmm.." she moaned, "Now I know you're better."

Spike's eyes rimmed with tears as well, a similar joy rising in his heart.

"You've gone through so much for me, Spike, and I don't just mean the poison. No one has ever gone through so much with me and stayed. I feel so selfish for not having the courage to put you first as you have always done with me. That I should've had the strength to let you go, that you suffered needlessly."

"No, luv. I told your Watcher that I would suffer an eternity's worth of pain if there was the smallest chance that I'd be able to live my unlife with you. It's always been my choice. You're not selfish. It's me who's selfish. I want to be with you always."

"I love you, Spike, " Buffy smiled lovingly at him.

Spike cocked his head at her, then found the strength to lift his arms, "Give us a hug now, pet."

Buffy just nestled in his arms. She had never felt so content. "Please no more trials to prove our love," Buffy thought to herself in a prayer hoping a higher power was listening, "I think we have gone through enough to prove that a vampire and slayer can love.

The End