Author: Keren and Meredith

E-mail: avssp@hotmail.com

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: B/S

Distribution: Sure, just let us know

Spoilers: Fourteenth and final episode in the series Strange Bedfellows: Being the Unlikely Adventures of a Vampire and a Slayer, an alternate Buffyverse which diverges after “Crush”. Follows “Evidence of Things Unseen.”

Disclaimer: These characters aren’t ours. We just like to play with them. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox TV, WB, UPN and any other copyright holders.

Feedback: Yes, please!

Me and Mine

Previously, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

Travers: We want you to kill William the Bloody.

Buffy: (poleaxed) Huh?

***

Buffy: (almost inaudible) He's gone. And he's not coming back.

Willow: You can't know that.

Buffy: I should’ve known.

Willow: How?

Buffy: They always do.

***

Hours later, Buffy is still on the couch, her half eaten bowl of ice cream a pool of goo. She stares blankly at the TV in the dark room, not really watching the late late movie, when there is a knock on the door. Buffy disentangles herself from the blanket and opens it to Spike. They stare at each other, neither saying a word.

*************************************************************

The next morning, Dawn descends the steps to the Summers' basement, mug in hand. She creeps up to Spike, asleep on a camping cot in the middle of the floor, and sits down cross-legged next to him. She puts the mug on the floor next to her and gently shakes him awake. He blinks sleepily up at her.

Dawn: I brought you some blood. (Hands him the mug)

Spike: Open a vein for me pet?

Dawn: Eew - no. Mom's been keeping some in the freezer since your babysitting days.

Spike: Why didn't anyone ever tell me?

Dawn: (shrugs) Guess you weren't here long enough to get hungry. (Looks down at the floor) Are you now?

Spike: Hungry? (Pauses) A bit, Bit. Thanks. (He looks into the cup, and then places it on the floor beside his cot) Buffy tell you I was here?

Dawn: No, I heard you come in last night, well, earlier this morning. Are you staying?

Spike: Have to pet, the sun's up.

Dawn: You know what I mean.

Spike: Would I be here if I wasn't?

Dawn: You scared me. And you scared Buffy. (Pause) Mom knew you'd come back though, she knows you're a big sap.

Spike: You got me. So where's big sis?

Dawn: She went out a while ago. I think she went to tell the guys you're back.

Spike: Oh bloody hell, Harris'll rat me out in a minute.

Dawn: Do you think Buffy would tell them if she didn't think it was safe for you?

Spike: 'Course not. But I'm not layin' bets on the Scoobies keepin' their bloody yaps shut.

Dawn: Yeah, they're not so stealthy.

Spike: (lighting up a cigarette) What we need now is a bit of hide and seek.

Dawn: (raises an eyebrow) Maybe without the seek?

***

Meanwhile, at the Espresso Pump, Buffy and Willow are seating themselves at a table, having just purchased their lattes.

Willow: (after a few silent moments of adding sugar) Wow. Or not necessarily wow, but huh. Spike's back.

Buffy: (head down, stirring her coffee) Yep.

Willow: So, is this the kind of back where I lock the aquarium?

Buffy: You can't lock an aquarium, Will. And no. He will not kill your non-existent fish.

Willow: (overly prim) They prefer the term "differently being-ed," thank you. (Gets serious) So...he just went somewhere. And did something. And now he's back and we trust him?

Buffy: I trust him. (Stirs her already-stirred coffee again) He came back, Will. He didn't have to. Hell, no one else ever does. He was free to do what he wanted, and he came back for me.

Willow: He's got this thing for you. That doesn't make him good.

Buffy: What does good mean anymore? D'you think the Watchers are good? Spying on me? Hell, they tried to kill me on my 18th Birthday and almost got my mom in the bargain.

Willow: I think the Watchers are stupid but they're trying to do what's right. And I'm sorry you're confused, but what's right hasn't changed. It's the same as it was when we met you. But Buffy, this isn't like mathletes or football.

Buffy: (raised eyebrow) No, it certainly isn't. And those two things aren't very much alike either.

Willow: They both have just the two sides. Even if the Watchers were really bad, Spike could be really badder...or worse.

Buffy: (sigh) I am so tired of the Spike is bad argument! I only have facts to go on. Spike came back. He has not tried to hurt me or my family or my friends. He also did not skip town the minute he was told about the Watchers. He could be off wreaking havoc with Drusilla right now, but instead, he's sleeping in a basement. I don't know about good or bad, but he's on my side.

Willow: (angry) Oh that's funny, 'cause I only have facts to go on too. Like he kidnapped me and Xander and threatened to shove a broken bottle through my skull!

Buffy: (angry) And Oz tried to eat me! We all forgave him and let him go, and no one thought you any the worse for it.

Willow: I'll forgive Spike when he asks for it. And I don't think the worse of you, but I think you're making this decision for a lot of people who should get a say.

Buffy: And the fact that Spike came to you to ask for his soul back means nothing?

Willow: It means he loves you. That's not nothing. But I'm not sure it's enough. (Puts her coffee down) It wasn't enough for Oz.

Buffy: I don't think it's just me. It's Dawn, and my mom. He cares about them too. And because of that I can't believe there's nothing trustworthy about him.

Willow: (Nods reluctantly) He does take care of Dawn.

Buffy: I'm just not willing to let someone who has put so much on the line for my family go down without a fight from me.

Willow: Why does it have to be a fight? The Watchers aren't exactly known for their attention span. He could lay low for a week or two 'til they get bored, start missing their baked beans on toast, and go home. And everybody's happy, or at least hopefully not dead.

Buffy: That's actually the plan. But everybody won't be happy afterwards, Watchers or no. Spike will still be here.

Willow: Everyone will be a lot less unhappy the sooner you tell them. I'm not saying we ever would've been throwing a big Buffy and Spike shindig, but half the problem with the whole slideshow of doom, besides the captions, is that we didn't find out until after, and we didn't hear it from you.

Buffy: I know. That's why we're here. I'm going to Giles' next.

Willow: I'll go with you. We should get some jellies. Everything goes better with doughnuts.

Buffy gives her a wry smile.

***

A little while later, two muscular moving men are pushing a handtruck into the gallery storeroom in the wake of Joyce Summers.

Moving man: Where d'you want it?

Joyce: (points to a corner filled with similar crates) Behind there is fine.

They deposit the box lengthwise on the floor, then leave the room. Joyce pulls a crowbar off of a shelf and pries open the top. Spike sits up in the crate, garbed in a light silvery-grey suit that would have been quite trendy in 1983, skinny pink leather tie, black button down shirt, and yellow spiked mullet-style wig on his head. He starts to pull packing peanuts out of his new coif.

Spike: I don't know how I let you talk me into this. Where on earth did you find this get-up?

Joyce: The suit was Buffy's father’s, and the wig is from an old Halloween costume of mine.

Spike: (swinging himself out of the crate) What'd you go as, a bloody hockey player?

Joyce: (proudly) I was a punk rocker.

Spike: (mumbling) No wonder Buffy's so uneducated.

He goes to get a cigarette out of his pocket, but before he can retrieve them, Joyce hands him a ledger and a pen.

Spike: What's all this then?

Joyce: As long as you're here, you might as well make yourself useful. I've been putting off inventory for a while now.

Spike: But...

Joyce: It'll make much better cover, dear. (She pats him on the shoulder) And no smoking, you'll damage the paintings.

Spike: Yeah, well, I hope you're payin' more than the goin' babysitting rate. (Nonetheless, he begins checking crates and filling in the ledger.)

***

Meanwhile, at the Sunnydale Hotel, the Watchers are convened in the common room of their suite. There are two squat loveseats, upholstered in a shockingly hideous red, blue, and gold striped pattern that almost, but not quite matches the overused gold carpeting. Travers sits in a chair behind a fake mahogany desk, and the rest of the Watchers are gathered around him, shifting uncomfortably on their feet. Spread out on the desk are several large volumes, and lying across them is a large ordinance map of Sunnydale, the words "Property of Sunnydale Library, Do Not Remove" stamped in the corner.

Travers: I knew he was still here. Wallace, are you prepared to do the localized locator spell?

Wallace. Yes, quite. If you would please draw the drapes?

The drapes are drawn and Wallace sets up a circle of candles on the floor. He lights them and motions everyone to silence as he begins chanting. A wind blows across the room and causes one of the candles to spark. The flame turns green and a small spark alights from the candle, swirling in the air and leaving a glimmering trail as it pinpoints the exact location on the ordinance map. Wallace lowers his hands, and ceases to chant, while the rest of the Watchers lean eagerly over the desk.

Travers: (looks at the spot on the map, and then compares the location to a computer printout) Interesting. I hadn't thought the Slayer would risk her own mother.

Pinkerton: Perhaps we should send a surveillance team instead. He can't stay in there forever. And when he comes out to feed, we'll make our move... (He trails off as everyone else stares at him in silence.)

Travers: The time for hesitation is over. I would scarcely have chosen to have involve the civilians, but this unorthodox Slayer consistently does so, and we can no longer allow it to tie our hands. We do not want him feeding. It's only a matter of time before he kills the mother anyway. This way she'll have a chance, however slim...or at least a clean death.

Pinkerton pales, but nods his head.

Travers: (picks up the phone on the desk and dials) Orkney?...Travers here...The quarry is at 1323 Jefferson Blvd. Proceed with caution...It is the Slayer's mother's place of business. We have to assume she or any of her allies could be there as well...No we can't do another one...because that's what we pay you for...check the roof, possibly an alley exit...yes, I know you're professionals...call me as soon as the mission is completed. (He hangs up)

On the other end of the line, a short, scruffy-looking man with an oft-broken nose hangs up the phone, loads up his crossbow and faces his companions.

"Right then."

***

And still meanwhile, Buffy and Willow approach Giles' apartment door. Giles answers their knock, and beholds Buffy standing in front of him, trying to smile and proffering a bag of doughnuts.

Giles: (after a moment of silence) Spike's back, isn't he?

Buffy: (pouts) You ruined my surprise. Well, guess I'll be goin' then.

Giles grabs the bag from her hand, and Willow gives Buffy a push inside, follows her in, and shuts the door behind them. She sidles up to Buffy, and gently nudges her in the side, prompting her to speak.

Buffy: (takes a deep breath, and launches into a wellspring of words) Spike's back, I'm not letting them kill him so he's laying low with Mom, and when the Watchers go back to the motherland, we can all have the nasty discussion that we don't want to have, 'kay?

Giles: (deadpan) Oh joy.

Buffy: Yeah, that's the way I feel.

Willow: But it's good...we're communicating...and sharing information...

Giles: Quite. Are you sure Joyce will be safe with him?

Buffy: It was her idea. So, yes.

Giles: (removes his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose) Thank you for telling me.

Tears well up in Buffy's eyes, and Giles is flustered by the brief show of emotion. They stare at one another for a moment, and then Giles offers Buffy a doughnut, producing a smile from her for the first time in days.

***

A bit later, the Scoobies, at Giles' request, have gathered at the Magic Shop. After a short while, Giles, Buffy, and Willow join them.

Buffy: No Watchers?

Anya: No, they haven't been by. Which is good because I put the Eye of Exu in stock in the basement. I've already had three inquiries on our website...

Tara: Shouldn't we take the spying spell off first?

Willow: Later sweetie. There's something we need to talk about.

Buffy: Spike's back. (She is regarded with dead silence)

Xander: (pushes back from the table, and stands abruptly, knocking his chair over. He stalks a few paces away and spins on Buffy) So, Spike's back. Whoopee! (He flings his arms in the air) Wait, lemme guess, I know this one. Before we didn't kill him 'cause he was gone, and now we don't kill him 'cause he isn't. Am I right?

Giles: Bang on the nose.

Buffy just looks at Xander expectantly.

Xander: What?

Buffy: Go ahead. Scream, yell, have bad metaphors, get it all out now. Then we can get down to business.

Xander: Business is what you just said you won't get down to, Slayer (Buffy's eyes narrow). I don't see what there is to talk about.

Buffy: Fine. I'll bring that up the next time you lecture me. (Xander is surprisingly quiet, though he looks undaunted, and she continues.) Yes, Spike's here. No, I'm not killing him. We are going to wait until the Watchers leave and then we will deal with it if it needs dealing with. If he'd come back to hurt us, we'd know by now. Spike was never Mr. Subtle.

Xander: Great! That just leaves the rest of the population!

Buffy: A. There is a large world out there, and 99% of it is without Slayers. He could've gone off and killed there. He could've gone off to terrorize Mexico, he didn't.

B. He's with my mother, (holds up her hand as Tara opens her mouth to say something) by her choice. What's he gonna do, drag her along on the killing spree?

C. I trust him not to. Period.

Xander: Well that makes one of you.

Tara: (half raises her hand in the air) A-and a half?

Anya: (stalks over and puts an arm around Buffy's shoulders) Two and a half! (She grins at Buffy, and Buffy smiles back appreciatively)

Xander: An...

Anya: No Xander! I'm with Buffy!

Giles: It's not a question of not being with Buffy. We are all with Buffy, but this is not something we can take lightly. People's lives may be in danger.

***

Back at the gallery, Spike is retrieving a box for Joyce from the top of some metal shelving, when the front door chimes. A soft "may I help you" is heard as Joyce's assistant Jeremy greets the customers, and he is answered by an unintelligible British mumble. Spike's ears prick up as he hears Jeremy tell the customers that Joyce is in the back and can't be disturbed, followed by a loud thump from out front. The door bursts open seconds later, revealing four men, all carrying stakes and crossbows.

Spike jumps down from the ladder he is standing on to place himself directly in between the intruders and Joyce, and a crossbow bolt thunks into a can of turpentine on the shelf, directly where Spike's heart would have been. He shoves the metal shelving over, spilling it to the ground, in an attempt to get some cover from what will most likely be a barrage of projectiles.

Spike: (shoving Joyce towards the back of the room) Go! Get out the back!

Joyce runs to the back door, and attempts to open the door, but it seems to have been barred from the outside. Spike meanwhile, has ducked another flurry of bolts, and shoves some precariously piled crates in front of the attackers. One of the men leaps the obstacle, and runs directly at Spike, wielding a stake. He attempts to plunge it into Spike's heart, but is stopped when Spike grabs his wrist, growls and twists, causing the bones to pop, and the stake to fall uselessly to the ground. Spike's features shift to vampiric form, and he snarls as he backhands the man across the room. Two more bolts fly through the air, one narrowly missing Spike's head, and the other embedding itself in his thigh. He bares his fangs and jumps toward the crossbow wielding attackers, taking them both down with a double clothesline their necks. The fourth man quietly sidles behind some paintings, attempting to take Spike from the back. His stake is raised ready to plunge, when Joyce lets out an unintelligible warning. It is enough for Spike, and he spins, kicking the man directly in the face, and sending him toppling into a bag of packing peanuts, which explodes into the surrounding air.

The two crossbowmen have gotten to their feet by this time, and have pulled up their companion with the broken hand. One runs to retrieve their companion lying on the packing peanuts, and as he is hoisted up in a fireman's carry, the other crossbowman takes a Zippo lighter out of his pocket and leans down to ignite the spilled turpentine. He grins at Spike, and quickly exits with his companions, closing the front entrance and locking Joyce and Spike inside. The fire flares up and quickly spreads, igniting stacks of wooden packing cases as well as the paper and oil paintings inside. The popping sounds of little flying pieces of burning Styrofoam fill the increasingly smoky air, almost masking several soft, dull thuds. One smoldering fragment, bobbing randomly on the currents of hot air, catches against Spike’s cheek, and he yelps and brushes it away. Joyce bats them away from her hair.

Spike grabs Joyce and drags her down to the floor beneath the rising smoke as he searches for a way out. Knocking the door down proves futile: his fist easily smashes the doorknob and, when it still won’t swing open, splinters the hollow wooden door, only to encounter a heap of heavy bronze sculptures. He throws his weight against them but is rewarded with only the faintest wobble, and realizes he’ll never get them clear before Joyce’s lungs give out.

He scans the murky room looking for a ventilator shaft or other escape route. Just as he is about to give up hope, he spies a grate in the ground and rips it off of its hinges. He shoulders Joyce, who has passed out from smoke inhalation, and jumps down to the sewer system below, shaking slightly on his injured leg as he runs into the tunnels.

***

Back at the Magic Box...

Xander: I still think this waiting thing is a bad idea. If you're wrong, two weeks, that's what? Fourteen dead bodies, assuming he's on a diet. Plus why wait until the super powerful backup is safely out of the country before you take on the Big Bad?

Willow: We can watch him. I mean it doesn't have to be wait two weeks and count the corpses. Wait 'til he does something.

Xander: Oh, so one corpse is ok?

Willow: That's not what I'm saying! We can make sure it doesn't happen.

Buffy: So you're gonna spy on us, only Spike instead of me this time. No thank you.

Willow: No! We can do a spell that will let us know if he's hurting anybody.

Buffy: I just can't go along with that without his consent. What the Watchers did invaded my privacy; I will not do that to somebody else.

Willow: You went along with the chip. The chip was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Spike can't hurt anybody, that's why he's ok. It's not like he asked for that either and the chip hurt him, this won't.

Buffy: I had no choice with the chip. He had no choice with the chip. Yes it made things easier, but I cannot condone that being done to him again.

Xander: You did too have a choice in the chip! He tried to get it out and you stopped him!

Buffy: No! What I mean is I didn't have a choice when it was put in there in the first place. And if I had had the choice then, I probably would have been on board.

Giles: (mumbling) That was before you lost your mind.

Buffy: That was then, this is now.

Willow: I get that you have reason to trust him now, but amazingly, not that much has changed for the rest of us. (The phone rings and Anya excuses herself to go answer it) If we do this and he doesn't hurt anyone, then everyone wins.

Anya: (in a strange voice, as Buffy is about to retort angrily) Buffy, it's for you.

Buffy: (picks up the phone) Hello?

Spike: (Joyce is in the background, sitting at a bar, knocking back drinks as fast as Willie can supply them, and occasionally commenting to the demon on her right, as Spike presses a bloodied rag to his injured leg) Slayer, we were attacked. Your Mum and I are safe, but I think this lay low plan has expired.

Buffy: (scared) Where are you? Who attacked you?

Spike: Four blokes, cockney accents, serious firepower. (Buffy pales.) Heh, they burned the gallery to the ground.

Buffy: (urgently) Where are you?

Spike: Safer not to say. Meet us at that charming little boutique where I got that Hawaiian shirt.

Buffy: Why there?

Spike: Because I can get in. Call the Bit and warn her. Don't let her go home.

Buffy: Got it. See you soon. (She hangs up and returns to the group)

Buffy: Ok, waiting time's over.

Xander: I told you so...

Buffy: No. The Watchers attacked my mother.

Willow: Oh my god.

Tara: I-is she ok?

Buffy: She's fine, Spike got her out. We're going to meet them.

Everyone automatically jumps to gather supplies and leave.

Xander: (muttering as he gathers up his coat) He probably used her as a shield.

Anya: Not now! (Off of Xander's astounded look) You know how you're always telling me this is not the appropriate moment? This is not the appropriate moment! (She storms out after Buffy leaving Xander speechless)

***

A short time later, the gang arrives at Xander's parents' basement. Dawn has already come, and is clutching her mother, tears streaming down her face. Buffy walks straight over and joins the family hug.

Buffy: Are you ok Mom?

Joyce: (shaken) Just a bit singed. And jobless. Aren't these the people you work for?

Buffy: They don't pay me, Mom.

Giles: They pay me. They don't however, take me into their confidence.

Dawn: What happened?

Spike: (by this point having doffed the jacket, tie and horrible wig, and found time to dress his wounded leg) Lowbrow English types. You sure they were Watchers, Rupert? They don't talk posh like the rest of you lot.

Giles: I would assume that Travers has called in an assassin squad.

Spike: For me? (Lights up a cigarette. Xander opens his mouth to protest, but is again elbowed by Anya) I'm flattered.

Dawn: Ok, so now I know who, but what happened?

Joyce: I don't know. Spike was helping me get a box down when these four men burst in, armed to the hilt.

Spike: (to Buffy) Crossbows, stakes, the usual.

Joyce: When they couldn't take Spike down, they set some turpentine on fire and locked us in. Spike got us out through the grate in the floor... I don't think Jeremy made it. (She starts crying, and is hugged by her daughters)

Spike: (to Joyce) He could've, I had them tied up for a bit. He might've had time to get out.

He does not notice the pleasantly surprised look Tara directs his way at his show of empathy towards Joyce.

Buffy: (Leaves Dawn to continue hugging Joyce, and extracts herself) Ok, now we actually need a plan. Apparently the Watchers have no qualms about killing the innocent to get to Spike.

Giles: This is obscene! We're sworn to protect...

Buffy: We have to stop them.

Willow: What do we need?

Buffy: First off, can you do something so they won't find us?

Willow: Sure, I-I'm gonna need some spell components...

Anya: How's this? (She lays down a metal first-aid kit on the washing machine, and opens it to reveal a multitude of tiny packets.)

Tara: How did you…?

Anya: It's a field kit. We always need spell components on the run. Actually, I'm thinking of selling them, so let me know how this works for you.

Willow: (pleasantly surprised) Thank you Anya.

Anya beams.

Tara gathers a few hairs from everyone present, while Willow mixes a foul-smelling concoction in the kit’s mini mortar and pestle. Tara deposits the hairs in the mix and drops in a lighted match. A puff of greenish-yellow smoke swirls out of the mixture, and despite the smell of the original ingredients, it bathes the room in a fresh scent. Willow and Tara lock hands, close their eyes, and begin to chant. As they come to the end of their spell, the fragrant smoke swirls around the room, enveloping the group, before finally appearing to fade into each and every person there. The two witches drop hands and smile at one another.

Willow: Ok, we're good.

Buffy: Great, part one, check. Now, how do we find the assassin squad?

Giles: I know where Travers and the others are staying. If they're wise, the assassin squad will be in another location. But perhaps we can at least find a clue there.

Spike: Mate, why'd we just go through the trouble of hidin' our bleedin' whereabouts if we're gonna go knockin' on their door askin' questions?

Giles: (frowns, but surprisingly, doesn't dismiss Spike outright) So that we can go to them at a time and manner of our choosing?

Buffy: That can be our plan of last resort, but I think we need to deal with the squad directly.

Tara: We can do the locator spell again.

Willow: Sweetie, I think if they're using it, they're probably defended against it too. I mean, they must've used it to find Spike.

Buffy: Besides, the more magic we do, the easier they can trace us. (Willow nods) We need a way to draw them out without drawing attention to ourselves.

Joyce: And draw them far away from any innocent bystanders.

Buffy: Absolutely.

Xander: We could use the Eye of Exu! You know, show them where Spike is and then do whatever it is we're gonna do.

Anya: We can't honey, I already promised it to a warlock in Sheboygan.

Xander: Well it's already used, we can just use it one more time.

Giles: Unfortunately Buffy made her displeasure at the Watchers' surveillance quite clear. Should we begin using it again now, they're bound to smell a rat.

Spike: Think we're makin' this more difficult than it needs to be. They're after me, how 'bout I turn up, thumb my nose at 'em and run like hell, leading them straight into the loving arms of Slayer and company?

Buffy: No.

Xander: I think it's a great plan.

Buffy: No. The objective here is not to get you dusted.

Spike: I took 'em last time easy enough.

Buffy: It's too dangerous. I'm not going through all this hell just to have you accidentally staked.

Spike: What's the bloody alternative? Sit around in Harris' basement until we all die of boredom?

Dawn: (softly) Ummm...I think I have an idea.

Everyone turns to her, surprised.

Dawn: Willow, remember that spell you stole from the library?

Willow, recalling a few things she's "borrowed" from the high school and the private Magic Box collection, sends a sheepish look at Giles.

Dawn: (sighs) In England?

Willow: Oh! Yeah?

Dawn: Well, can't you use it to make me look like Spike and draw them out?

Buffy: Uh-uh. No way! Dawn, you're way more vulnerable than Spike.

Dawn: (triumphantly) Aha! Not with my magic sword I'm not!

Xander: (singing) Your spear and magic hel-met.

Dawn: (grins and sings back) My spear and magic hel-met.

Buffy: They could take it out of your hands just like I did to that general guy.

Dawn: Duh Buffy, I could have it sheathed on my back under Spike's way big coat, they'd never even know.

Spike: Bit's got a point, luv. (Spike leans over and ruffles Dawn's hair, making her smile, and the Scoobies shift uncomfortably, as Spike's pet name has more meaning now than ever before)

Buffy: I'm not 100% on this. When I said I wouldn't send my...Spike out into this I didn't mean I'd send my fifteen year-old sister instead.

Joyce: I know, I'd be terrified for her the whole time. (Buffy nods vigorously in agreement, and Joyce turns to her) Kind of like I'm terrified for you. But if this is something only she can do, then I think we should let her do it. (Buffy looks startled for a moment, but then nods in acceptance as she shares a moment of understanding with her mother.)

Willow: But what if we can't change you back?

Dawn: Why couldn't you, if you can change me in the first place?

Willow: I mean, the monks created you and your memories. What if we can't get those back? What if we make you Spike and you always think you're Spike?

Dawn: Well, things could get creepy with Buffy at that point (Buffy and Dawn shudder and look grossed-out) but I wanna do it! (Tears start to well up in her eyes) I don't want Spike to die.

Spike looks at Dawn, oddly touched by her admission.

Xander: Ok, so we have the rabbit trap. What do we do once we have the rabbit? We don't kill people, right?

Buffy: They attacked my mom.

Joyce: I don't want anyone to die because of me. Maybe we could hand them over to the police?

Buffy: (rolls eyes) Yeah, they love me.

Giles: The Council is all too adept at manipulating authority at all levels. I'm afraid that would hardly impede them for long.

Xander: Blackmail worked last time.

Buffy: For awhile. But we would need something to bargain with.

Willow: Ooh - ooh! Oreos!

Xander: I can go get some from upstairs, but not much of a bargaining chip there, Will.

Willow: No! The Oreo spell! You know, good stuff on the inside, bad stuff on the outside...or vice-versa. Like with Glory.

Tara: But these are humans, so it should work fine this time.

Buffy: So we nab them, then what? Even if the Council thought I would kill them, these guys are ready to die.

Spike: Didn't look too ready to me.

Buffy: Trust me, I saw what they were like when I was in Faith.

Spike manages to raise a questioning eyebrow while leering heavily.

Buffy: Body switching. Tell you later. (Her eyes widen as she recalls what Faith told her during her prison visit) Much later.

Giles: It's still a necessary first step. They may not be an ideal bargaining chip for us, but neutralizing them weakens Travers' position as well as ensuring our safety.

***

The next morning, everyone is crashed out uncomfortably around the basement. The fold out couch has been given to Joyce and Dawn, who appear to be sleeping more peacefully than the rest. Willow and Tara are curled up in a pile of spread-out clean towels, underneath an old Snoopy blanket, and Xander and Anya are curled in the opposite corner under their coats. Giles is sleeping in a fold out chair, seemingly as far removed from the group as possible. Buffy is huddled in the center of the floor under the silver coat from Spike’s suit, and Spike himself is awake, smoking a cigarette and swinging his legs from his perch on the dryer.

Xander: (waking up first, and suspiciously eyeing Buffy) Man am I hungry.

Spike: (startled out of his reverie, looks Xander up and down) Me too mate.

Xander edges behind the couch, and everyone else begins to awaken, stretching in an attempt to ward off the stiffness that comes from sleeping on the floor. Buffy sits up, pulls the coat closer around her and smiles at Spike, much to everyone's chagrin.

Buffy: You're up early.

Spike: (grins at her) I get nightmares down here.

Willow: (In an attempt to distract) Ok, so we have a plan. But, can we get breakfast first?

Xander: I'll sneak upstairs and get some food.

Joyce: Won't your parents notice breakfast for twelve?

Xander: They never do. (He goes upstairs)

Buffy: (edges over and says quietly to Spike) I'll get some blood for you later.

Spike: Thanks, luv.

Xander returns a few moments later, arms laden with cold pop tarts and granola bars. He doles them out to the group.

Dawn: So now what do we do? Wait for nightfall and then turn me all Spike-y?

Giles: (eyeing his surroundings) Hopefully not.

Xander: There's Atari.

Giles: (deadpan) Why didn’t you say so?

Buffy: We need to send word through the grapevine. Spike wouldn't just be parading around with them looking for him.

Spike: Yeah I would!

Buffy: (gives him a saccharine-sweet smile) And to anyone else but me that would seem strange. So you need to go and talk up the demon rumor-mill at Willy's. Tell them you’re only back to get your stuff and then you’re out of here.

Dawn: Wait, shouldn't I go do it? As Spike I mean?

Joyce: Oh no young lady, you're much too young to be in a bar. And don't think you can take up smoking during your time as Spike either! (Dawn rolls her eyes as Joyce turns to Spike) You be careful though.

Tara: What about the rest of us?

Buffy: You and Willow go get that spell and all the supplies you need from the Magic Box. Make it fast, then come back her until we're ready to get set up at Spike's crypt.

Willow: Ooh! Do we get disguises?

Buffy: (points to a pile on the floor) Mom's wig's over there if you want. Giles, you take Mom and go to a hotel out of town, I want her away from this. Separate rooms please! (Spike looks questioningly, and then amused at the uncomfortable Joyce and Giles).

Xander: What about us?

Buffy: You're on Dawn patrol again, so you're with us. But can you go to my house and get Dawn's sword?

Xander: Sure.

Spike: And my proper clothes. (defensively, off Xander’s look) For Dawn!

Anya: I can use a baseball bat.

Buffy: Um...not so much helpful, but thanks. Let's keep the fighting to the fight-y types.

Anya: Sure! (Pauses while an idea hits her) Oh, wait! I have an idea. I'll go to the Magic Box with Willow and Tara; there's some things I have to get.

Buffy: Great. So we're clear. Everyone meet back here in two hours.

Dawn: Wanna play Pitfall while we wait?

Buffy: (smiling at her sister) Sure.

***

That evening, shortly after nightfall, Willow and Tara are setting up supplies near the front door of Spike's crypt, while a newly transformed Dawn-into-Spike leans uneasily against the doorjamb. As soon as they complete their preparations, Dawn/Spike saunters out into the graveyard, bag slung over her shoulder, next to the sheathed sword, an unlit cigarette dangling from her lips, as she heads towards the conspicuously parked Desoto. As she swaggers between the gravestones in an exaggerated parody of Spike's usual walk, she is surrounded by the four assassins, one of them his arm in a sling. They pull out stakes and rush her all at once, and are thrown back in surprise as their weapons bounce uselessly off of a green forcefield.

Before they have a chance to regroup, Buffy appears, seemingly out of nowhere, and stands between two of them and her sister.

Buffy: Now what's a nice group of fellas like you doing in a place like this?

Before they can answer, Spike leaps in between the other two and Dawn, and gives them a toothy grin, completely throwing them off their game.

Buffy: Now!

Xander comes running out from behind a gravestone and tackles Dawn/Spike to the ground a few feet away. Before anyone can react, a purple-ish bubble envelops Buffy, Spike and the assassin squad. Buffy wastes no time as she spins around, taking the first man in the chin with a spinning heel kick. He goes toppling into one of his comrades, and before he can regain his equilibrium, Buffy drops to the ground, and takes his feet out from under him. The second assassin rushes her, crossbow in hand, and she deftly sidesteps his attack, yanking the weapon from his hands as he passes. She swings the crossbow around, catching him in the temple, and he crumples to the ground, unconscious.

Spike, meanwhile, has once again changed to vamp face, and leapt onto the first of his attackers. His superior strength takes them both to the ground, where, after a brief struggle, a quick clip to the side of the head with Spike's elbow renders yet another one of their foes unconscious. As Spike turns in an attempt to get up, he sees a stake heading straight for his chest. The stake hits its mark, but makes a dull thudding noise, and does not appear to even break the skin.

Spike: (grinning at the assassin) Welcome to the 21st Century, mate.

He kips up, punching the openmouthed man in the gut, doubling him over, and then double-fists him in the back of the head, sending their third adversary to the ground in a heap. At the same instant, Buffy is in the midst of finishing off their final opponent. She spins, kicks him in the chest, then leaps over his head, grabs him around the neck, and applies pressure until he too crumples to the ground. The purple glow fades as the spell is dropped, and Buffy and Spike take a moment to share a glance, broken by Xander tossing them a roll of duct tape so they can begin to secure their prisoners.

***

An hour or so later, the gang is convened at the Magic Box, and Dawn is Dawn again. The assassin squad is duct-taped to four chairs, and they look quite uneasy as Travers and the rest of the Watchers enter the shop.

Travers: (spluttering) This is unconscionable!

Buffy: It was unconscionable when you tried to set my mother on fire!

Travers: She was alone with a dangerous vampire, her life was already forfeit.

Buffy: (narrowing her eyes) You had no right. Who died and made you supreme ruler? And it was the vampire who saved her life.

Pinkerton: Interesting.

Travers: Be that as it may, I hardly think you called us here to debate the finer points of casualties of war.

Buffy: We're not here to debate anything. I speak, you listen.

Travers opens his mouth to reply, but wisely shuts it upon seeing the cold look Buffy directs at him.

Buffy: You and your entourage will be leaving my town post haste. You will not return to bother me or mine again.

Travers: Since when is the vampire yours?

The Scoobies all look at one another, silently radiating "hey, good question."

Buffy: Since now. (Spike looks about to burst with pleasure.)

Travers: We would be failing in our duty if we left such a menace at large.

Buffy: It's my duty, as you've so kindly pointed out. I'll take care of it if it needs taking care of. There are plenty of other vampires in the world for you to exercise your duty on. Without killing civilians.

Travers: You have proven that we can no longer trust you to see your duty clearly, or to carry it out. Why on earth would we leave you to Rupert's dubious guidance?

Buffy: (steely tone) Because if you don't, I'll leave. (All the Scoobies' mouths drop open. Clearly, this was not discussed beforehand.)

Wallace: (condescending tone) Miss Summers, being a Slayer is a sacred destiny, not a holiday job. You can't just quit and go gallivanting off to find yourself.

Buffy: Who said anything about quitting? I can go off and kill vampires in any state or country I choose. I can be a Slayer on wheels, and worldwide organization or not, you won't be able to find me and you won't be able to control me. You can send your own people to deal with the Hellmouth.

Travers: (gives a sharp laugh) You're bluffing. You've always been far too attached to the trappings of a mundane life. You wouldn't leave your friends to die.

Buffy: (glances at Spike) I won't stay for them to die either.

Travers: And if we cooperate?

Buffy: You still have a non-incarcerated Slayer patrolling the Hellmouth, and I let you take your friends (waves a hand in the general direction of the duct-taped prisoners) home as a parting gift.

Travers: (looks at the squad, and back to Buffy) They are well aware of the risks they take.

Buffy: Why have unnecessary bloodshed on your hands? That makes you no better than a vampire.

Spike: Hey! Don't compare me to his lot! (Mumbles too low for anyone to hear) At least I enjoy it.

Travers: (Pulls out a handkerchief and mops his brow) I shall consider your terms and put them before the Council as a whole. That's all I can promise.

Buffy: It's a start.

***

A bit later, the Watchers and the assassin squad have cleared out, and Spike has returned to his crypt to begin sorting through the mess. The gang, after calling Joyce and Giles, and assuring them that everything is fine, has ordered some pizza and are winding down from the night's events.

Dawn: It's good to be me again. Not that Spike's not way cool, but guy body? Hard to get used to. And how come I knew I was me?

Willow: I think maybe the monks used a separate spell, but I didn't see it in the manuscript. It makes sense though, separate spells for the physical and the mental states.

Dawn: Not complaining. (She grabs a second slice of pizza and turns back to Willow.) So how come stuff was bouncing off of the real Spike too? Was it a barrier spell?

Anya: No, that was me. And the magic of Kevlar.

Buffy: How did you get a Kevlar vest? Don't they arrest people for owning those?

Anya: (smugly) Networking is nine-tenths of running any successful business.

Xander: So now what?

Buffy: Now I take a long, hot, bubbly bath. Maybe two.

Willow: Amen sister.

Tara: And a warm, soft, comfy bed. (She looks at Willow and ducks her head, blushing.)

Xander: (turns to Tara and grins) Testify!

An awkward silence descends upon the group, minus Dawn who is happily munching on pizza, as they send flickering glances Buffy's way.

Xander: Look, there's a lot we still have to talk about, and yell about, but what's say we put it on hold until we've recovered from the worst slumber party ever.

Buffy: (quietly) Thank you.

Xander: You'll keep an eye on him, right?

Buffy: Two, even.

***

Hours later, Buffy is bathed and changed, and helping Spike sort through the ruins of his crypt.

Spike: (holding up a broken jewel case with a shattered CD inside) They smashed my Buzzcocks CD!

Buffy: Well, I'll give 'em one thing, they have good taste.

Spike hurls the jewel case at her and she snags it out of the air, rolling her eyes as she deposits it in the garbage bag at her feet.

Buffy: We'll get you another one. Too bad their taste doesn't extend to the fashion realm, my brown leather jacket's totaled. (She holds up what may once have been a jacket and puts it in the trash.)

Spike: S'okay, you look better in black.

Buffy: So true, but I was trying to get away from black, it's so...predictable.

Spike: (low chuckle) No one could call you that, luv.

Buffy: Nope, not me. Fly by the seat of my pants Buffy. Sometimes into a brick wall...but still, my pants.

Spike: (Eyes her jean-clad bottom appreciatively as she stoops to pick up more garbage) I like to think of them as our pants.

Buffy: (snorts) I'd like to see you fit into them.

Spike: (edging closer) Right now?

Buffy: (swatting him with a ripped pillow, and spraying stuffing across the floor) We're cleaning. If you'd rather your house was a pigsty...

Spike puts an arm around her waist, pulling her towards him as he begins a low rumbling growl in her ear. Buffy swats him again, and he lets go.

Buffy: Cleaning! Do you want me to leave you to do this by yourself?

Spike: (groans and resumes the excavation for a few minutes before speaking uncertainly, his back to Buffy and head down) Why are you doing all this for me?

Buffy: 'Cause your idea of cleaning is shove the empties under the couch and call it a night.

Spike: Is not! (Pauses) That's not what I meant, pet.

Buffy: (turns to face him) Huh?

Spike: All this. Fightin' the Council, pissin' off your friends...

Buffy: (waits a beat before answering) You saved my mom.

Spike: (turns abruptly, hurt by her words) Lucky for me the Watchers came by then, or I'd be out on my ass.

Buffy: (drops the garbage bag she was holding) What do you mean by that?

Spike: (starting to act like he is intent on cleaning) If I hadn't pulled your mum from the burnin' building it'd be good-bye Spike, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Buffy: (grabs his arm and spins him to face her) You know that's not true!

Spike: (Looks down at her, an intense look in his eyes) No, I don't. If you want me to know, you have to bloody well tell me!

Buffy: (angry and uncomfortable) What do you want me to say? Ok, even if the whole mom thing hadn't happened, you know I wouldn't have let them kill you!

Spike: (leans his face in so they are nose to nose) Wanna do it yourself?

Buffy: (grits her teeth) D'you think I can't?

Spike: Oh no. I think you won't.

Buffy: (takes a step back and puts her hands on her hips) Don't push me Spike, it's been a long day.

Spike: (gives her a shove on the shoulder) You're not the one who's wanted dead or dead by the Watcher's Council. I wouldn't have to push you (shoves her back a few steps) except the only time you'll answer a bloody question (shove) is when you're backed (shove) into (shove) a corner. (Buffy's shoulder blades bounce off of the stone wall, and Spike leans in once more) Tell me why. (He pulls back, and musters up the cockiest look possible) Because you're afraid I'll take off and you'll never find another bloke who can give as good as he gets?

Buffy: (pulls her arm back and punches Spike full force in the face. He goes sailing across the crypt, hitting the far wall, making a large crack in it, and then slides to the floor) No! Because I love you, you jerk! (Her eyes are blazing, a mixture of tears, surprise and anger.)

Spike: (lies still for a moment, stunned by the revelation and what is probably the hardest blow Buffy has ever dealt him, before getting up and straightening out his clothing with a smirk) Knew it all the time.

Buffy: (trying to contain a smile) You so did not.

Spike: (moves slowly towards her) 'Course I did, I'm irresistible, aren't I?

Buffy: You keep saying that.

Spike: (comes up in front of her, and brings up his hand to caress her cheek) You know I'm right.

Buffy: (mock petulance) I know nothing of the sort.

Spike: (leans his head down) Shut it Slayer. (He kisses her thoroughly.)

Buffy: (takes a moment to breathe) Ok. (She tightens her arms around him and kisses him back.)

They are caught up in the passion of the moment, kissing and groping at each other's bodies, hardly noticing when they topple to the floor amidst a pile of junk. Spike pulls back for a moment and looks deep into Buffy's eyes.

Spike: I love you Buffy.

Buffy's mouth curls into a smile so wide and genuine, Spike is too stunned to continue. Buffy quickly remedies that by pulling his mouth back down to hers.

THE END

Thus ends the series Strange Bedfellows. Stay tuned for our second season, Necessary Evil, coming soon to a website near you!