The Truth of the Matter
Fanfiction
-My Fics
-Collaborations
-Other Buffy/Spike
Fics
-Series
-Challenges
-Non Buffy/Spike
Fics
History
Links
Link to Me
Updates
Awards Won
Back to Main
E-mail
Hilary
Title: The Truth of the Matter
Author: Hilary & Heidi
E-mail: ImmortalBeloved2000@yahoo.co.uk and angelus0@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Pairings: B/R, B/S
Spoilers: General Season 5 post Out Of My Mind
Summary: When Spike's chip threatens his life Buffy and the gang must make a difficult decision
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of these characters. It all belongs to Joss and co.
Feedback: YES PLEASE!!!!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Giles sat down on the couch heavily and took off his glasses. He retrieved the handkerchief from his pocket and concentrated on cleaning the imaginary smudges from the spectacles. He drew a deep breath and surveyed the two people in front of him. Well, he thought to himself, a person and something that was quite like a person, but now he wasn’t sure.
“Are you sure?” he asked wearily.
Buffy nodded, drawing Spike closer to herself and Giles. “You can feel his chest for yourself if you want,” she offered.
“No, no. That’s quite alright,” Giles replied distractedly. He and Willow had discussed the ritual that took place at the hospital earlier that morning. They were both confidant that it had worked. Now Buffy and Spike were telling him otherwise, that something had gone awry.
“Tell me then,” Spike asked quietly, “What am I?”
He was still in shock. He hadn’t expected the pain of knowing he had ended countless lives. He thought about it and thought about it until he finally came to his own conclusion. He could never take back all the evil that he had done, and there was no point in brooding over it. Becoming like Angel wasn’t going to solve anything.
He stole a glance at Buffy as she waited for Giles’ answer. She had stayed with him from the time he had woken up until he was released from the hospital. The doctor had been surprised at how quickly he had healed and released him early. Through their walk to her Watcher’s home, they spoke about nothing at all, but the silence was companionable.
“I don’t know,” Giles replied, breaking into Spike’s thoughts. “Technically speaking, you are no longer a vampire. You did say that you walked here, and it is still daytime. But, you healed so quickly that the doctor had to release you early.” Giles added thoughtfully.
“What about the rest?” he asked.
“Rest?” Spike asked, not following.
“Strength? Speed? Instincts? What about those?” Giles pressed.
Spike shook his head. “I don’t know.”
Buffy looked from Spike to Giles and back to Spike again. She thought about what he had told her before Giles and Willow went through the ritual. Riley had said that the chip was causing the degeneration of Spike’s brain cells. Could that have been responsible for his outburst? She backed up in her thoughts and came to rest on Riley. She hadn’t seen or spoken to him since he walked out of the hospital. He just didn’t understand. If they stayed together, he would be hurt or killed by something just because that something wanted to get to her. She just couldn’t have that on her conscience.
She looked at Spike again. She couldn’t shake the fear that it could be him getting hurt because of her. Her mind lingered on that thought and she decided that she didn’t like the idea of that either. He had gotten under her skin in the time since he had gotten the chip installed in his head. She was pretty sure that it wasn’t love that she felt, but she cared enough about him to call him a friend.
Forcing a smile she didn’t feel, she spoke up. “Enough with the doom and gloom already. Giles, is there a way you can figure out what happened with the ritual?”
Giles looked up, startled. “Well, I suppose –“
“Good,” Buffy interrupted. She turned to Spike, who was smiling because she was, although a little uncertainly, and grabbed his arm. “Let’s go.”
Spike allowed himself to be dragged away by Buffy, partially because he enjoyed being with her and partially because he wasn’t sure what he was meant to do with himself now. There was no way he could go on living in the crypt now that he was human. He’d have to find somewhere decent to live, and he’d need to get money too. This was going to complicate things a lot so he tried not to think about it.
“Slayer, where are we going?” He was still trying to get used to the fact that he could walk in the daylight. He remembered back to the time when he’d found the Ring of Amarra and had fought with Buffy in broad daylight, that had been just before the Initiative had got hold of him which had ended any plans he’d had of killing her. And now here he was, human and in love with the girl who he’d tried to kill on several occasions. He doubted his life could get any stranger.
Buffy chose not to answer his question instead she carried on walking in silence, her hand still on his arm. It was clear that Giles had no idea what had happened to Spike so it was up to her to try and find some answers herself. They soon arrived at the magic shop which, luckily for her was empty. She could hear Anya rustling in the back room, probably looking for some stock to fill up the shelves with. Quickly ducking past she pulled Spike into the room which she and Giles used for training purposes.
Spike looked puzzled. This wasn’t really where he’d expected her to bring him. He looked around at the assortment of weapons and gymnastic equipment.
“Well Slayer, I figured you wanted to be alone with me but this place isn’t exactly first date material now is it?”
Buffy rolled her eyes. It seemed that despite having his soul back and being human, Spike was the same as he always was, minus the killing of course.
“Spike, shut up.” She said teasingly. “We’re here to get some answers. Giles wants to know where your strengths are and we’re going to find out.” She pulled off her jacket and threw it on the floor. “Hit me.”
Spike raised an eyebrow in surprise. “What?”
“I said hit me.” Buffy watched as Spike hesitated. “Come on! You’re not going to hurt me. Hit me! We need to see how strong you are.”
Spike slowly raised a fist, he really didn’t want to do this.
“No holding back.” She said firmly. Finally he nodded and hit her with all his might. The blow sent Buffy flying backwards where she landed in a heap on the floor.
“Bloody hell.” He whispered as he ran over and knelt at her side. Buffy sat up holding her jaw.
“Well, I guess that answers that question.” She smiled.
“Are you okay?” Asked Spike with concern. He honestly hadn’t expected to do that much damage.
“I’m fine, Slayer strength remember?” said Buffy as she climbed to her feet. “Well, we know you’ve still got your strength and your healing abilities, there’s no way you’d be out of that hospital if you were a regular human. There’s just one thing left to do. A fight, you and me. We need to test all your skills and see what you can and can’t do.”
Spike nodded and raised his fists. This time neither of them would hold back. He knew it and she knew it. They began to fight.
Two hours later they both sat against one of the walls in an exhausted silence. The fight had been exhilarating and long. Spike still had the speed, skill and agility of a vampire which begged the question of exactly what he was. Not fully human, but not vampire either. Still, it comforted Buffy to know that Spike could still look after himself and wasn’t going to get killed by the first demon that came along.
“I guess we should go back and see Giles.” She said quietly. It was the first time she’d spoken since they’d started fighting.
“I guess so.” Agreed Spike. Neither of them moved.
They sat in silence for awhile, shoulder to shoulder, not talking. They listened as Anya shuffled around the shop, locking away the till from the register, putting this thing away or that until she finally closed the front door behind her with a bang and locked it from the outside.
With a sigh, he rose and turned to look down at Buffy. She gazed at his outstretched hand for a moment before taking it in her own and allowing him to help her stand.
He couldn’t help but notice her lithe grace as she stood. His eyes travelled down her, head to toe and he felt the love that had grown for her wash over him untamed.
Buffy stood before him, letting his piercing eyes graze over her. She felt as though she had never seen him before. The planes and hollows of his face, always dismissed in the past, now came together as she resolved them to the man who stood before her. She felt herself lean into his touch as he carefully traced his fingertips from the edge of her brow to the base of her neck.
Spike could not believe the emotions that filled his being with such savage joy. Whoever said that demons couldn’t feel was only partly wrong. The passions of his being when he was a vampire were there, but now they had been eclipsed. He recalled the love he had borne for Cecily. What he had felt for her still did not compare to the bright consciousness that he felt now. He felt her face move under his touch, ever closer to his and he closed his eyes, wanting to drink in every sensation. He felt his head drift downward and paused.
After a long moment, he opened his eyes to see Buffy similarly poised. Her eyes opened suddenly and they stayed like that for a few seconds, neither wanting to look away. Finally, he straightened. Clearing his throat, he cast his eyes at their still clasped hands. “We’d better go.”
Not trusting herself to speak, Buffy nodded and led the way to the back door. Making sure that the lock caught behind her, they made their way through the back alley and towards the main road. She felt the faint thrum of his heartbeat as his thumb gently brushed her wrist. ‘Why am I still holding his hand?’ she thought to herself. For that matter, what had just happened back there? They had fought long and hard and finally collapsed against the wall. But when her hand touched his, something changed. She smiled to herself wryly.
“Something funny, pet?” Spike asked, lighting a cigarette. He let out an explosion of coughs as he drew in the first bit of smoke, causing her small smile to turn into a burst of full blown laughter. He tried to get a word in as he sputtered, but to his dismay, it only made her laugh harder. He settled for a stern look as he waited for her to calm down.
When she finally died down to small giggles, she looked up at him, swinging their arms between them. “Things never change do they?”
“How do you mean?” he asked, genuinely curious.
She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and turned to look him in the eye. “You’re so stubborn.”
“Hold on a second here. I’M stubborn?” he asked, exasperated. “What about you?”
She smiled slyly. “I’m not the one who has been smoking for over a hundred years and just tried again for the first time with real lungs, that’s all.”
Spike opened his mouth to retort, but surprisingly, nothing came to mind. He just closed it and smiled down at her, pulling her towards him so that they continued walking with his arm around her shoulders and hers around his waist.
They stopped when they reached Giles’ door, neither of them really wanting their time alone to end. Buffy felt like she’d gotten to know Spike more in this one day than she had in all the years that she’d known him before. And if she was honest she was starting to like what she was seeing.
Spike turned to face her, reaching out his hand and tucking a loose tendril of hair behind her ear.
“You know, I don’t think I ever thanked you for saving my life.” He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.
“Thank you.” He breathed.
Before she could respond the door was flung open, to reveal Giles standing in the doorway. The two jumped apart like a couple who had just been caught by the girls parents. Giles seemed oblivious to what he’d just walked in on.
“There you are.” He said with relief. “I was just coming to look for you. I think I may have figured out what has happened to Spike.”
He stepped back, allowing the two to walk in. As they sat down, they unconsciously put a little more distance between them than was necessary. Giles began to notice that they looked a little uncomfortable but put it down to stress and concern. With what had become almost a constant habit, he took off his glasses and began to clean them.
“It appears that I made a slight mistranslation of the ritual.” He began. “Rather than just restoring a vampires soul which is what I originally thought, it actually was used to bring people back from the dead. However, I still don’t understand why he has kept his vampiric healing abilities.”
“That’s not all he’s kept.” Chipped in Buffy. “We spent the afternoon in the training room testing Spike’s skills. He’s still just like a vampire apart from having a soul and not having a demon inside him anymore.”
“Fascinating.” Murmured Giles as he stared at Spike for a few minutes. Spike was beginning to feel like an exhibition in the local science museum.
“Giles, will you stop bloody staring at me.” He eventually snapped. “I’m not the sodding Mona Lisa.”
“Sorry.” Giles quickly apologised. Spike’s words bringing him back to the current situation. “I’ll carry on with the research and see if I can find out exactly why this has happened. Spike, you’re more than welcome to stay here until you find some permanent accommodation”
Spike sighed and nodded. He’d have to start looking for somewhere to live as soon as possible. Buffy suddenly had a brainwave.
“Angel’s old apartment is empty. He gave me the keys for it ages ago in case I ever needed it. It’s all paid for and he’s got some sort of arrangement with a guy so all the bills are covered too. You could move in there.”
Although he didn’t like to admit it, Giles was slightly relieved. He remembered how unpleasant it had been last time Spike had stayed with him. Things were a lot different now, but Buffy’s plan suited everyone.
The Slayer stood up. “Giles, keep researching. I’ll take Spike round to the apartment and then go out and patrol. I’ll come back in the morning.”
Giles nodded and Spike rose to stand beside Buffy.
“Goodnight Giles.” She said before she and Spike left and headed out for Angel’s place.
The walk to Angel’s apartment was uneventful and Buffy was beginning to wonder what had happened to the town’s normally busy evening activities. Was it just a quiet night or the calm before the storm? Shaking her head out of her reverie, she realised that they had arrived at the apartment.
She laughed to herself as she produced the keys from her pocket. Since the night Angel had given them to her, she had never removed them from her keychain. She opened the door and memories flew at her from the quiet interior. The night she first met Kendra. Her seventeenth birthday and all of its ramifications. It was enough to make her drop her keys. She dropped to the floor in confusion and retrieved them, ignoring the look that Spike was giving her.
“Just tired. Long day,” she said just a little too quickly, entering the abode.
Spike hung back and crossed his arms. “You expect me to believe that?”
Buffy whirled around with a look of hurt and anger stamped onto her face. Spike only looked at her, his eyebrows raised.
She sighed and gave him a resigned look. “What are you waiting for? An invitation?”
Taking his duster off and slinging it over his shoulder, Spike entered the apartment, taking in the décor. He made a mental list of things he had to do remove the essence of its previous owner. Carelessly, he tossed his coat on the floor and launched himself into the bed. He sprung into a sitting position and bounced a couple times, experimentally. He smiled and looked over at Buffy, who had not moved since she had entered the studio.
Buffy had been staring blankly from her vantage point in the doorway. It was as if her feet had grown roots and she couldn’t move any further into a place which reminded her of all the pain of her junior year of high school. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, she thought to herself. The sound of Spike vaulting onto the bed cut into her thoughts and she forced herself to look in the direction she was trying to avoid. Seeing his infectious smile, she couldn’t help but smile a small smile in return and join him.
As she went forward, sudden tears sprang to her eyes and without hesitation, Spike pulled her arms around his neck and shifted so that she could sit in his lap. He made soft shushing sounds in her ear as he stroked her back and waited for the tide to pass. As he did, he could not help but feel two very conflicting emotions. Rage at the fact that someone had hurt her, even though it was a past hurt and pleasure that she sought comfort in him.
He had taken a huge risk in kissing her in front of her Watcher’s home earlier that night and despite the fact that he was more or less human right now, he still felt the paranoia that she would kill him if he overstepped their bounds. If they had any right now. If he knew what they were. But, he thought to himself, smiling, it was a bloody good kiss. The first they had shared when not under a spell or as a result of his sleeping mind. Her shakes began to dissolve into slight tremors and he looked at her.
Buffy gazed at him, feeling a bit sheepish at bursting into tears for no apparent reason. She let him brush the last of the wetness from her cheeks and rose to her feet. “We both need some rest.”
Spike nodded and guided her to the door. With a fleeting kiss, she slipped out, promising to stop by in the morning. As he closed the door, Spike turned and leaned against it, cursing Angel’s name and mourning because even though she hadn’t been gone for more than thirty seconds, he missed his Slayer.
As Spike’s door closed behind her Buffy took a deep breath, she hadn’t expected it to be so hard seeing Angel’s apartment again. At least Spike had been there. She felt a little embarrassed about crying in front of him, but at the same time she couldn't help but smile at the comfort she'd felt in his arms. Shaking her head she began to walk towards the cemetery for patrol. A few slays later she was ready to go home.
As she climbed into bed her mind began to wander over the day’s events. She still couldn’t believe that Spike was human, more to the point she couldn’t believe that he’d told her he loved her, and he’d kissed her. Thinking about it logically it was all a bit weird. They’d fought for so long and until yesterday she’d thought he’d hated her. Maybe the chip really had fried his brain. Sighing she decided to sleep and try not to think about it.
Buffy awoke feeling quite refreshed and after having some breakfast she decided to go and call on Spike before she went to see Giles. As she walked the short distance to the apartment she wondered how Spike had coped with his first night as a human. Although he hadn’t said so, she knew that this must be really hard on him. He was having to change his whole way of life in a very short space of time. She just hoped she could be supportive.
She knocked on the door and it was quickly opened by Spike. He looked genuinely happy to see her and they both smiled as he stepped back and let her inside. Buffy gasped. She barely recognised the place. It had all been dusted and Angel’s various sculptures had been replaced by a TV and the walls were adorned with various posters rather than Angel’s paintings. It was all very Spike.
“Looks like you’ve been busy.” She observed, almost glad that there were hardly any reminders of Angel left.
Spike shrugged. “I’m still trying to get used to this sleeping at night lark. I was awake so I figured I might as well make the place look a bit more homey.”
Buffy smiled. He seemed to be adjusting to his new life quite well.
“I just came round to see how you slept. Kind of a dumb question I guess.”
“No it’s not, I’m glad you came.”
Buffy felt her face flush red. “Well, I’m going over to Giles’ to see how the research is going. You want to come with?”
Spike nodded before picking up his duster and putting it on. He still wasn’t sure what he was meant to do with himself during the day. Buffy had college and researching with Giles wasn’t really his idea of fun. Still, he had plenty of time to think about that.
They remained in silence as they walked. Spike wondered what Buffy was thinking but didn’t like to ask. At least she seemed happier than she had yesterday and he was glad that he’d been up all night sorting the apartment out for her. He didn’t like to say that it was her tears that had moved him to remove almost all traces of Angel, it was better if she thought that it had just been because he couldn’t sleep. The entire lack of sleep was starting to take its toll now but he didn’t care. All he cared about was making Buffy happy.
******
Elsewhere, Riley Finn was waking up. He looked around and didn’t recognize his surroundings and finally remembered what had happened to him in the past few days. His entire world had been turned upside down and shattered before him. All because of a couple of vampires. Well, one specifically, but the other lurked in the subconscious of everyone around her. He had been liked, loved, hated but always respected. Angel. He had ruined Buffy for anything resembling a normal relationship and thus a relationship with himself and he hated Angel for that.
Despite all of Buffy’s negations of lingering feelings for Angel, Riley knew they were there and he was on the road to accepting them as par for the course if he was going to be with her. He wasn’t Superman anymore, but at least he was a man. Alive and capable of giving her a normal life separate from her Slayer lifestyle. Then came Spike. The platinum eighties reject he had first come to know as Hostile 17.
The Initiative had been destroyed and even though Spike had betrayed Buffy to Adam, she still accepted having him around because he had helped in that last battle. Even the entire Scooby Gang behaved like having a neutered vampire around was a normal thing. Riley just couldn’t get over that. Maybe that was why he could never really fit into the gang. That didn’t matter to him before. Fitting in with Buffy used to be enough for him and damn everyone else and what they thought of him.
He had once told her that she was like a jigsaw puzzle and he just had to put together the pieces to figure her out. Now, he felt as though the puzzle pieces were coming together for him and he didn’t like the picture. That night not so long ago when she shocked him by announcing that she was engaged to someone ‘way old’ by the name of Spike. She had denied it later, but all he could think now was how could he have been so blind?
All of those verbal jabs. The two of them always in the company of the other. Buffy’s stalwart refusal to stake Spike simply because he was helpless. The glint in Spike’s eyes whenever he spoke of or to Buffy. It was so clear that they were in love.
A tear rolled down Riley’s cheek and he wiped it away angrily. He had helped her. He had helped her help him. All because he thought for sure that he had been wrong. She was a Slayer. Slayers don’t fall in love with vampires. Yet, with Buffy, the opposite was true, not once but twice. Riley went on believing it right up until the very second she told him that she didn’t love him. Oh, she claimed that she loved him, but he knew that he had lost her; probably never had her to begin with. He was just a plaything between evil undead boyfriends, he thought to himself bitterly.
He had left the hospital, never once looking back at the face of who he thought was his true love. He went straight to the cemetery, not really knowing why. If he could dust a few vamps he would be happy, but he almost hoped he would be caught. Caught and killed or caught and turned. Either way he wouldn’t have to deal Buffy ever again, because he would be dead or she would be.
Things have a way of never going as planned though. As he’d been fighting a particularly viscous vampire he’d gotten sloppy, the vampire had managed to bite him. He’d felt himself slipping into unconsciousness when the vampire had suddenly turned to dust. He’d looked up, expecting so see Buffy and found himself facing Graham. His friend had helped him to his feet and taken him home. After patching up the wound on his neck, Graham had demanded an explanation. Not wanting to mention the full details he’d just said that it was over between him and Buffy. Graham seemed to understand and it was then that he’d made Riley an offer, one he’d decided to accept
And now here he was, back in the army and on mission in Belize. Despite the fact that the Initiative had been shut down and destroyed it seemed that the government still had use for demon hunters, especially ones with the high level of training that Riley had. Riley was happy, well as happy as he could be. He was far away from Sunnydale which was good, and far away from Buffy which was better. Plus he was helping people. This town had no Slayer and Riley was more than happy to do his bit to help. With each vampire that he killed he liked to imagine that it was Spike, or Angel. It was a good source of motivation.
His thoughts subsiding for the moment Riley got up and climbed into his army uniform. He tried not to think about all the protective body armour he was required to wear, compared with Buffy who was equipped to slay in whatever she was wearing. Charging up his blaster he went to the main base to report in.
Thirty minutes later, after the briefing he was on his way to small area on the edge of town. There had been reports of people going missing during the night and their bodies being found with their throats torn out. Clearly the work of a vampire, Riley was going to find it during the day and kill it while it slept. Not really fair play, but then, when were demons known to play fair?
After talking to the local townspeople he’d managed to more or less pinpoint the vampires location. A small hut, separate from the rest of the area. The family which lived there hadn’t been seen for days, but their bodies hadn’t been found either. Riley guessed that the vampire had hidden the corpses to disguise the fact that it had killed them.
Stealthily Riley walked in and was met buy the obvious shape of a person in the bed. He walked over to have a look and was quite surprised by what he saw. She was more beautiful than any vampire he’d seen before, her pale skin contrasted by the dark hair which was spilled across the pillow.
Suddenly the girl opened her eyes and looked up at him. She smiled, and it wasn’t the smile of a ruthless killer, more like that of a small child.
“Look who’s come to visit.” She said softly and reached up to caress his cheek. He knew that he should move, that he should kill her, but was mesmerised both by her beauty and they way she spoke.
Suddenly the girl frowned and began to moan.
“You stink of the Slayer.” She wailed. Now it was his turn to frown.
“You know Buffy? Who are you?”
The girl stopped wailing and smiled once more.
“Drusilla.”
Riley continued to stare at Drusilla as she rose from the bed. Unafraid, he allowed her to stroke his face. Her eyes were closed and she began to sway.
“Poor boy. She never loved you. Her heart beats for hearts that don’t.”
Her eyes fluttered open and she looked innocently into contorted mask of pain and anger that was his face.
“Don’t. Say. That,” he growled in a forbidding tone.
Her only reply was a giggle. Without warning, her face turned deadly serious and she had Riley pinned against a wall of the hut by his throat. “She took my boy. Maybe I should take hers.”
Riley struggled in her grasp as she morphed into her demon face and moved in to bite. Just as suddenly, she released him with a pout. He fell to the ground and clutched at his throat, gasping for air. He watched as she collapsed onto the bed and put her face into her hands.
“But he isn’t here,” she wailed mournfully.
Breathing normally now, Riley couldn’t help but be moved by this being’s tears. He sat down on the bed next to her. She looked up at him and ran the tips of her nails around his cheeks in slow sensuous circles.
“The moon whispers in pretty colors. But the moon needn’t tell me that the Slayer has my Spike.”
Riley nodded as he stared into the bottomless pools of her eyes.
“She hurt you.”
Another nod and she brought her face closer to his. His mind screamed at him to get away and quickly. This was a vampire! Why are you letting her get so close? But, to his surprise, she bypassed his neck to whisper in his ear.
“You want to hurt her too.”
Riley jerked his head back and broke the connection between them, his eyes never leaving hers. He shook his head slowly, eyes squeezed shut. She brought her legs up from the floor and tucked them under her and leaned into him, placing her hand on his chest. She spoke, lips a whisper away from his.
“Your head lies, pretty tin soldier. I see the truth in your heart.”
Riley’s mind raced. No, he told himself, that’s not true. I love Buffy. I would never want to hurt her. A new voice spoke up. It laughed at him. What has that love gotten you? Nothing! You gave her everything, your heart, your body, your soul, and she took it with a nod and ran into the arms of the nearest vampire. She doesn’t deserve to be happy after what she put you through. He recalled his waking thoughts of wanting Buffy dead. That’s right, buddy, the voice continued. She doesn’t even deserve to live. He nodded along with the voice and opened his eyes to find Drusilla’s gaze boring into him.
“I want to hurt the nasty Slayer too,” Drusilla sighed.
She collapsed against him with her head in his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He stroked her hair and held her like a child. The voice in his mind that protested his proximity to a vampire was drowned out by the overwhelming satisfaction of holding her.
She tipped her head up to his and he took her offer. The last bit of the old Riley Finn, the voice that had been quelled several times in the last few minutes, the voice that had been protesting quietly up until now, shrieked a denial in his mind as his lips roamed over hers.
Vampire or not, she needed him right now and that feeling drowned out all else. All else except his new desire for revenge. Vengeance was the language of the new voice. For the pain that Buffy had caused him, for sending him into the arms of his enemy, for destroying all that he was. She would pay.
******
“So we’re still no closer?” Questioned Buffy as Giles sighed and put his head in his hands. He’d been researching all night and had drawn a blank, now the exhaustion was beginning to show itself.
“Buffy, I’m sorry. There’s just no record of anything even remotely like this having happened before, I don’t know what else to tell you.”
Spike remained silent throughout this conversation. Like Giles, he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to just sleep. Now was not the time though, he needed to stay focused, he had to find out what had happened to him. He needed to know what he was.
“Buffy, pet, it’s alright.” He assured, sensing the frustration in her voice. “Me and Giles will keep on reading. You go off to college and maybe we’ll have something for you by the time you finish.”
Aware that there was nothing more she could do Buffy nodded. She’d missed enough classes as it was and Willow was beginning to have a hard time covering for her.
“I’ll meet you guys later.” She said.
Giles nodded. “Meet us at the shop when you’re ready. There are some more texts there which Spike and I can look through today.”
Shooting Spike a reassuring smile Buffy nodded once more before leaving. Giles sighed deeply before looking up at Spike. The former vampire was still staring at the door which Buffy had just left through, already feeling like a part of him was missing. Giles saw the vampire’s pained statement and attributed it to the strain of everything that had happened over the last couple of days.
“How are you….coping?” Giles asked, trying to think of a suitable word.
Hearing the Watcher speak, Spike snapped his head round, his thoughts of Buffy broken. He shrugged.
“I’m alright, well as alright as I can be I suppose.” Unable to stop himself he continued. “Buffy’s been a great help.”
Giles merely smiled. He’d noticed how Buffy had taken good care of Spike, despite all that had happened between them in the past. He was proud of her, she’d grown so much as a person since he’d first met her.
“Yes, she is a remarkable girl.” He mused.
“That she is,” Agreed Spike. “So, it’s a day of fun research for the boys today. Are we going to the shop now?”
Giles nodded and picked up his coat.
******
“So, how’s Spike doing?” Whispered Willow during one of their more boring classes.
“He seems to be dealing,” replied Buffy. The truth was that she didn’t really know how he was doing. Spike had gone through a lot over the last couple of days but he seemed to be acting like nothing was wrong. She wasn’t sure if he was genuinely OK or if he just wasn’t letting it show.
“I’m not sure though.” She admitted, “Sometimes I really wonder what’s going on inside his head.”
“This can’t be easy for him.” Agreed Willow. “I guess all we can do is be there when he needs us.”
Willow couldn’t believe she was saying this about Spike of all people. He’d tried to kill them on several occasions, but since getting the chip she’d found herself liking him a little more. He could still be a pain but she had noticed that he’d changed.
Buffy nodded. “I’m meeting him and Giles at the Magic Shop later. They’re still trying to figure out what’s happened with the spell.”
Willow nodded. “Tara and I will come and help with the research later, I told her what happened and she’s never heard of anything like this either. I haven’t seen Xander yet but I’m guessing if Giles told Anya then he’ll know what’s going on too.
“I think it’s best if the whole gang knows.” Agreed Buffy. “I know that not everyone is keen on Spike, I wasn’t keen on him myself until this happened, but I think the more people that are there to help him through this the better.
******
Spike sighed loudly and threw the latest book back on the table. Nothing. They’d been looking through books all day and they’d found nothing. This was ridiculous. Giles looked similarly frustrated. It was obvious that they were both tired and this was clearly getting them nowhere.
“What do you say Giles, coffee break?”
Spike had found that since becoming human he’d developed a bit of a taste for caffeine, it also helped to keep him awake which was also a definite plus.
“I couldn’t possibly drink that dreadful stuff,” replied Giles. “But a break would be nice.”
“That settles it then. Demon-girl can watch the shop while we’re out.”
Giles nodded and after telling Anya that he and Spike were popping out for a short while they left.
A few hours later found the magic shop closed, but still full of people. The entire gang sans Giles and Spike had gathered to go through the texts in Giles’ possession.
“You would think, that after the zillions of hours we’ve spent researching other stuff, we would know these books backwards and forwards.” Xander commented.
“These are different books, Xander.” Willow replied in a ‘duh’ tone.
“Does anyone else think that this is the first time in recorded history this has ever happened?” Buffy asked, to which everyone nodded emphatically and closed their respective volumes with sighs of relief.
“M-maybe there was something in the spell that we missed.” Tara spoke up for the first time that night. She looked up and noticed everyone staring at her and realized that she had spoken out loud.
“But, sweetie, we’ve been through it a hundred times. What could have gone wrong?” Willow asked with a furrowed brow.
“A-hem!” Anya cleared her throat loudly. “Am I the only one who’s happy about not being the newest member of humanity?” She looked around, hopeful. No response. Blank looks.
“Sorry, hon, I sorta got over that about twenty years ago.” Xander replied comfortingly.
The mood broken, everyone looked grimly at the stacks of books in the ‘unread’ pile, when the door slammed open.
To everyone’s shock, Giles and Spike entered the shop laughing hysterically and still attempting a conversation.
“So I said – what do you mean this is marshmallow fluff?” Spike concluded between guffaws and gasps for air.
Giles wiped his eyes and replaced his glasses to notice that everyone at the table was staring at the two men with disbelief.
“What?” he asked innocently.
The gang eyed each other uncomfortably until Xander spoke up. “We’re just not used to you making with the ha-ha.”
Giles had been looking more and more flustered and embarrassed. “Well, Spike can be quite humorous,” he replied with a dignified air. He seated himself at the table and began to flip through a book that was in the ‘read’ pile.
“Have we made any progress?” he queried.
“Not unless you count ‘none’, ‘nada’ and ‘zilch’ as progress.” Buffy countered.
“We even cross-referenced.” Willow added helpfully.
“So nobody knows what I am.” Spike interrupted from the place he had taken on the countertop. “Fine. I’m tired of all of this researching. If any higher powers send down a flash of insight, you will all promise that I will be the first to know. But for now, let’s forget it, Ok?”
“Spike, I hardly think that it’s prudent-“ Giles began.
Spike favoured him with a sly grin. “You’re hardly one to talk about prudence.”
Giles gave Spike a withering look but remained silent. The ex-vampire hopped off of the countertop and moved over to the table and stood behind Buffy. “Now, let’s go have some fun. Who’s game?”
The gang looked at each other. Spike evidently had decided that he didn’t mind not knowing what had happened to him, and if that meant they got let off doing the research then that was just fine.
“Spike, are you sure?” Asked Buffy
He nodded. “One day away from the books isn’t going to hurt anyone. Come on, let’s go and unwind.”
Before anyone could protest he took Buffy’s arm and pulled her out the door. The rest of them shrugged and followed. Half an hour later they were at the Bronze sat around their usual table drinking and laughing.
“This is much more fun than sitting round a table looking at a load of dusty old books don’t you think?” Asked Spike.
With the exception of Giles they all nodded. A new song began and Spike got to his feet.
“Come on Slayer, I want to dance.”
Buffy looked at him as if she hadn’t heard straight. “What?”
“I want to dance.” He repeated, holding out his hand.
“Spike…I….”
“Oh come on!” He insisted, ignoring her protests, pulling her onto the dance floor and into his arms.
“Relax.” He said as he felt her body stiffen. “I won’t bite….I can’t.”
Buffy couldn’t help but laugh at this and she relaxed, allowing them both to sway in time to the music.
From their table the gang watched with open mouths.
“Is it just me,” Said Xander. “Or does anyone else think its weird seeing Buffy getting all cosy with Spike?”
“He’s different now, he has a soul…plus he’s human, I don’t see the problem.” Replied Willow who was actually quite glad that her friend looked happy, it had been a while since she’d seen her smile, or laugh.
As the group began talking in earnest about the growing friendship between the Slayer and the ex-vampire they failed to notice a figure moving through the shadows, his eyes fixed intently on Buffy and Spike who in turn seemed oblivious to their surroundings.
“All I’m saying is that we should be careful.” Said Xander. “We still don’t know what’s happened to him, what if it’s only temporary and he goes all psycho again. He hasn’t got the chip anymore.”
Giles sighed and wiped his glasses. Xander was right, despite the fact that he’s spent a surprisingly enjoyable afternoon with Spike they did need to be careful, they were on uncertain ground here and it was best not to take anything for granted.
“We’ll continue with the research first thing in the morning. Xander’s right, until we find out exactly what’s happened to Spike we should be careful. I’m fairly sure the effects of the spell will be permanent but we should still try and be on the safe side.”
The group nodded, the good mood of the evening gone. Willow stood up.
“I’m just going to grab a drink.” She said before walking towards the bar. She was halfway there when a large hand gripped her arm tightly. Gasping she looked up.
“Angel?”
The music slowed down noticeably and Buffy pulled away from Spike slightly.
“What’s the matter, love?”
Buffy looked around as if noticing where she was for the first time and up into his eyes. She didn’t feel like there was anything wrong, but something had made her move her away from Spike as they danced. “I – I. Nothing.”
She tried to snuggle back into his arms, but this time he held her at an arms distance. “Tell me.”
She felt a prickle at the edge of her senses, but ignored it. Instead, she asked the question that had been plaguing her since they had hit the dance floor. “Where are we Spike?”
Spike looked at her, his mouth slightly agape. He had been wondering the same thing, but he wasn’t sure either. He went for a different response. “What happened, love, you hit your head before we started dancing?”
Buffy fixed him with a dangerous glower. “I know that you know what I mean Spike.”
“Can’t fool you, huh?” he asked rhetorically, though she shook her head in response. “Where do you want to be?”
Now it was Buffy’s turn to be quiet as she thought about her answer. She didn’t know that she was actually going to have to think about it; she just assumed that Spike would answer her question and the discussion would go from there. Another sensitive surprise from the lean ex vampire. His motives for the redecoration of Angel’s apartment weren’t lost on her.
Angel. She was still hurting a little from the memory of him. It was no longer a sharp, bleeding hurt; it was more like a dull ache. Surprisingly, Riley’s departure didn’t hurt at all. It was more like a release. Angel had told her to move on and have a normal life without him. Riley had been normal, but she didn’t love him. Moving on seemed like a good option though.
She thought back to everything that she had seen with Spike since she first met him a few years ago. The first time they met before the night of Saint Vigeous. Their uneasy alliance against Angelus. His coming back to Sunnydale for good after Drusilla left him. When he told her and Angel that they would never ever be friends. The Gem of Amarra. His appearance at Giles’ door after they found out he was chipped. Memories picked up speed as they came back to her from the last year. Adam, Dracula, Riley.
Willow’s spell. Giles had told her the reason why her spell had worked so well and why the spell didn’t bring Oz back was that all of the successful spells she cast that night had some morsel of truth in it. Giles did have a problem with his vision, Xander had some problems in the past with female demons, Amy really was a human girl and most distressingly, there was deep rooted feeling between Buffy and Spike. Buffy denied it when she heard the last, refuting that the deep rooted feeling was revulsion.
Now she knew what people meant when they said there was a fine line between hate and love. She realized that what ever moment she considered important in her life and even those not so important, Spike was there for almost all of it. He knew who she was and where she had been. More importantly, he was her equal. Strength and power, knowledge and experience; he had them and she needn’t fear for his life should he decide to take up her cause. She smiled for she had come to a conclusion, and for the first time, she was completely sure of her choice.
Buffy stood up on her toes so that she was face to face with Spike. “I want to be….,” she moved so that her lips were pressed lightly on his. “….right here.”
Willow cast a furtive glance at the dance floor and looked at the tall vampire in shock. “What are you doing here?”
“Cordelia had a vision and Buffy was in it. I came because I thought she was in danger.”
“No-no danger here, Angel! Everyone’s safe and sound.” Willow offered meekly, trying to direct his vision away from the dance floor.
Angel continued as if he hadn’t heard Willow’s mild protests. “Now I see that she’s lost her mind.”
“Now that’s not fair!” Willow rebuked him. “You’re the one who left her and told her to move on. Besides, Spike – “
Angel cut her off as he abruptly turned and made his way towards the dance floor.
Spike felt as though he was soaring, the sensation of Buffy’s lips upon his completely overpowered the kiss he’d given her the day before. As they parted he smiled and opened his mouth to speak when suddenly a hand grabbed his arm and jerked him away from her. Looking up he found himself facing a less than happy looking Angel. The old Spike would have made some cutting comment without thinking, but now he had a soul he somehow couldn’t work himself up to be cruel. He could understand that Angel would be angry, even if Spike’s happiness was the cause of it.
“Angel?” Buffy could hardly believe her eyes. “What are you doing here?”
Angel continued to glare at Spike.
“I thought you were in danger. Cordelia had a vision, nothing specific but you were in it. I came to make sure you were alright and it looks like I got here just in time.”
“What?” Buffy suddenly realised what Angel had seen. “Oh. Angel, maybe we should go and sit down. A lot has happened since you were last here and there are a few things I need to explain.”
Angel whirled round to face her, his face expressing a mixture of anger and pain.
“Why don’t you explain it to me now, because from where I was standing it looked like you were kissing Spike.”
“Well, I-“
Angel interrupted. “And the last time we spoke you told me how happy you were with Riley and how much you loved him. What went wrong?”
Tears welled up in Buffy’s eyes as Angel’s words reminded her of what had happened with Riley. The sight of Buffy crying was too much for Spike. He grabbed hold of Angel and spun him round.
“Now listen here mate, what gives you the right to turn up out of the bloody blue and start telling Buffy how to live her life. You made it quite clear that you didn’t want to be a part of it when you sodded off to LA.”
Infused with rage Angel grabbed Spike’s shirt with one hand and raised a fist. Suddenly he sensed something which he hadn’t noticed before. His eyes went wide with shock and he dropped Spike.
“Your heart’s beating.” He whispered, his vampiric senses allowing him to hear Spike’s new pulse.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” Said Buffy.
Angel looked back at her, his face now just expressing pure confusion. “Maybe we should sit down.” He now agreed. The three of them walked over to a quiet corner table and sat down.
Willow had now rejoined the rest of the gang and they were now watching Buffy, Spike and Angel with interest.
“Man, I’d love to be a fly on THAT wall.” Said Xander.
“…and when he woke up he was human.” Buffy concluded. “We’re still trying to figure out what went wrong with the spell.”
Angel, surprisingly, didn’t look as shocked as she’d expected him to be. In fact, he seemed almost pensive. He was still having problems dealing with the fact that he’d seen Buffy and Spike kissing. Human with a soul or not, he’d only been that way a couple of days and it took longer than that for romance to blossom. He was pretty sure that Buffy must have had feelings for Spike before he changed and that bothered him a lot.
Buffy continued, “We’ve been through every book and manuscript we can get our hands on and we haven’t found anything that happened that was anything like this.”
She absently stroked Spike’s hand as she gazed across the table at Angel who was showing the beginnings of a grin. “What’s so funny?” she asked.
“The Powers that Be sure have a great sense of humour,” Angel began bitterly. “I’ve lived with a soul for over a century and have been striving for redemption. I follow the visions they give Cordelia blindly and fight the good fight every night of my life. Wesley found a prophecy about a vampire with a soul. I was supposed to be rewarded. Do you know what that reward was supposed to be?”
Buffy shook her head.
“I was supposed to become human,” he stated flatly.
Buffy inhaled sharply and put her hand to her mouth. Her mind made all of the connections that Angel didn’t need to say out loud.
“And now that’s me, right?” Spike spoke up for the first time since they sat down, he too realizing the ramifications of what Angel had said. “Nothing went wrong with the spell. The Watcher and Red made me a vampire with a soul, but these Powers made me human. It’s a bloody wonder you haven’t killed me yet for it.”
“You’re damn right I’m angry. I worked for so long to get what you have,” Angel glanced at Buffy and turned back to Spike, his pale countenance tinged darker with a glower. “And you get it without lifting a finger. But,” his face relaxed noticeably, “it won’t get me anywhere if I kill you.”
Buffy smiled uncertainly as she watched their exchange. “Maybe what happened to Spike is a sign.”
“What?” they both asked turning towards her.
“Well, think about it Angel. They wanted to show you that you do have a chance to become human,” she answered softly. Buffy felt a pang of regret as she said this. All this time Angel was working to become human so that he would be free of the curse, and free to be with her. To give her the life he always told her she deserved. As with everything else in her life, the timing of this revelation couldn’t be worse, because for the first time since Angel had left her for good, she was happy.
“So I’m just a sodding visual aid?” Spike asked, mistaking the tone of Buffy’s voice for something else. He couldn’t believe that after all Angel had put her through, she was just going to go back to him under the promise that he would be human someday, when he was human today.
Spike rose abruptly from his chair but was stayed by a gentle touch from Buffy. “Spike, don’t you dare leave. I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong. You’re still not entirely human so the Powers must have a plan for you too. They did this for some reason. And I’m glad that they did,” she said firmly, grasping his hand and kissing his palm.
They stared at each other intensely until Angel cleared his throat. Loudly. He looked like he wished he was anywhere but this table. “So, uh, how long have you two…?”
Buffy and Spike glanced at each other and they answered with confidence.
“About half an hour.”
“Years.”
They looked at each other, confused and Angel was equally puzzled. Buffy gave a sheepish grin and asked. “What was the question again?”
Angel shook his head. “Never mind. If Spike isn’t the danger that Cordelia saw, then something else is going to happen. I’d like to stay in town for a few days, see if I can help, if that’s alright with you two,” his voice cracking on the last two words. Without waiting for an answer, he rose and left the Bronze.
Buffy and Spike watched as Angel swept out of the club and the two sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to digest all that had happened. Finally Spike spoke.
“Buffy are you alright?” He asked gently, worried about the effect Angel’s return would have on her. She sighed and nodded.
“It’s always hard seeing him…but I’m ok. What about you?”
Spike grinned. “I’m peachy pet.” This was true. No matter what Angel said or did to him, he knew now that Buffy cared about him and that was enough to see him through anything.
Buffy smiled, despite all the pain she felt at seeing Angel, somehow just sitting here with Spike made her feel better.
“We should go back and join the others.” She said eventually. Spike nodded.
“One thing first.” He smiled and he leant across and kissed her. Buffy responded and the two spent the next few moments completely absorbed in each other. Finally they parted and walked over to rejoin the rest of the gang, still holding hands.
The whole interaction between Buffy, Spike and Angel had been observed by them all, including the kiss. They now stared at the couple in open mouthed shock. Finally Xander collected himself.
“So, what did deadboy have to say for himself?” He asked, and received Willow’s elbow in his ribs in response.
Buffy gave a small smile. “Cordelia had a vision. Angel just came to make sure we were alright.”
Xander rolled his eyes. “You mean he came to make sure you were alright.” Willow elbowed him again.
Buffy remained silent for a moment, Xander was probably right. Angel only ever seemed to turn up if she was in trouble. It was good that he still card about her, but at the same time it made it harder seeing him and knowing that he was going to leave again as soon as the danger had been averted.
“Guys, I think I’m going to go home. I’m pretty tired.” Inwardly she winced at the lame excuse she was giving but she just wanted to be away from everyone to think things over.
“Do you want me to walk you home?” Asked Spike
Buffy shook her head. “No, thanks. I’ll be alright. You stay here and enjoy the rest of the night.”
With that she picked up her coat, brushed a quick kiss on Spike’s lips and left. As soon as she’d gone Spike became aware that everyone’s eyes were now on him, clearly expecting him to explain what had been said. He picked up his duster.
“You know, I’m pretty tired myself. I think I’m gonna head off too.”
He was out of the door before anyone could respond. A stunned silence fell over the rest of the table.
******
As Buffy walked home she became aware that someone was following her. She couldn’t see anyone but her Slayer senses told her that someone was there. Stealthily she slipped a stake out of her pocket and grasped it tightly in her fist before spinning around. She nearly dropped it in surprise when she saw who it was.
“Riley?”
As he stepped from the shadows she gasped as she saw the dark and almost cruel statement on his face. It was something she’d never seen before, and never wanted to see again.
“What are you doing here?” She asked carefully. “I heard that you’d gone back into the army.”
Riley smiled, although to Buffy it looked more like a sneer.
“Well, the thing is, I heard something interesting while I was away. I heard that you and a certain blonde vampire were now something of an item. I’m glad to see you didn’t wait to long to jump on the next guy who came along.”
“Riley, Spike’s –“
“It doesn’t matter anyway.” He said casually. “Spike’s in the middle of getting reacquainted with an old friend, who I happened to run into while I was away.”
Buffy’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. “What are you talking about?”
“I was hurting, but she was hurting much more. She spent over a hundred years with him after all.”
Buffy stared at Riley for a second, unsure if she’d heard him correctly.
“Dru….” She whispered. Pausing for a second she turned and ran, praying she’d get to Spike before she did.
******
“Dru, what are you doing here?” Asked Spike, who had been more than a little surprised to find her waiting for him when he arrived home.
Drusilla just smiled and stood up to greet him.
“My darling Spike.” She cooed. “It’s been forever.”
Walking over to him she placed one hand on his chest and the other on his cheek. Spike flinched at her cool touch. Her cold flesh had once been one of the many things that he’d loved about her, now it just served as a reminder of the life he’d left behind. He stepped back from her, his eyes cold. For a hundred years he’d loved his life with Dru and the adventures they’d had. No he couldn’t help but hate her for turning him into a demon and a killer. But, then again, maybe he should thank her. If he had never been a vampire, he never would have lived to be with Buffy.
“What do you want?”
Moving her head forward she began to nuzzle his neck, this time Spike moved completely away from her, standing on the other side of the room.
“I want us to be a family again my William.” She whimpered, tears filling her eyes.
“It’s too late for that pet.” He replied, her tears and whimpers not stirring any of the emotions they had in the past.
Dru suddenly looked remorseful. “I know my love. The Slayer’s nasty friends have given you the kiss of life. You’re like my Angel now, but I can fix you.”
Spike looked confused. “Fix me?”
Dru took a few steps towards him and raised her fingers waving them in front of Spike’s face.
“Be in my eyes….be in me.”
She watched with satisfaction as Spike’s eyes glazed over and he began to sway slightly. Her eyes never leaving his she stepped closer to him….
*****
Buffy burst through the door of the Bronze and ran over to the table where the gang was sitting
“Where’s……Spike…..” She gasped heavily.
They glanced at each other before Willow spoke
“He’s at home. He left just after you did.”
Fear pierced Buffy’s heart and she turned and ran back out of the door.
******
Spike felt as though a heavy fog had invaded his mind. He was barely aware of his surroundings and all he seemed to be able to focus on were those mesmerising grey eyes in front of him.
Dru slid into her vampiric features and bit down into Spike’s neck before he had time to react. She opened her eyes in surprise, but continued to drink until she felt his body go limp in her arms. She’d almost forgotten what he tasted like alive. By the time Spike was aware of what was happening he was too weak to push her away. She gently lowered him to the floor and quickly bit into her wrist, allowing her blood to flow. Pressing the wound to Spike’s mouth she worried for a moment that she drained him too much. Then she felt his lips suck on the wound and she stroked his hair as he drank. Finally she detached her wrist.
“Sleep well.” She crooned. “Mummy will be waiting for you when you wake up.”
Picking up her shawl she draped it over her shoulders and swept out of the door.
Minutes later Buffy burst in and stood in the doorway and paused for a moment as she took in the horrific sight her eyes saw. Then she ran over to Spike and knelt at his side, pulling him into her arms and laying a hand in his cheek. With a sick feeling she realised that his skin was already turning cold.
“No….” She whispered, tears pouring down her face.