Lonely
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Hilary
Author - Harmony
Rating - PG13
Description - Response to Spike Lover's challenge 7. Spike stays with Buffy for a week. Fluffiness ensues.
Dedication - My brother, Ryan, cos I said I'd dedicate my next story to him, in exchange for not having to do dishes or something. :) That and he's a pretty cool brother.
Feedback - Purleese... I like feedback.
Disclaimer - Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own the Characters. Fiona apple wrote the song "Criminal". I just pieced them together.
------------------------------------------------
January 17th 2003
Dear Diary,
I haven't written for almost a year, but I had some bad news this morning. I received a letter from Riley's friend Graham. Riley's in a coma.
I feel numb. Everyone I love is slipping away.
I don't speak to Willow much anymore. She's always too busy working, or with Tara. She wrote me a letter and explained all that had happened to her recently. She's doing great, and has a job with Angel in LA.
Xander called me on the same day I got that letter.
He and Anya had a baby boy. I'm now a Godmother. I was so happy.
Giles not being here is awful. I miss him a lot. He moved to England about 6 months ago.
Mom and Dawn love their new house in LA. I should really hate that place. It's taken all the people I love.
Even my enemies. Spike's gone.
He's in LA too. I miss him I guess. Feel kind of bad for being so nasty to him when he was here. I feel like I drive people away.
It's my birthday tomorrow. Giles was the only one who was here last year. The guys couldn't make it.
Now nobody will be here. I'm 22 tomorrow. And I'm spending it alone. I didn't expect to ever hear from Riley again. I didn't expect to hear he'd died either.
I don't know where I'm headed, and I'm scared.
------------------------------------------------------
January 10th 2004
Buffy kicked out as a vampire came running at her. As she dusted it, another grabbed her from behind.
Pulling the arm roughly, she watched as it sailed over her shoulder and landed on the ground in front of her.
She dusted it, unenthusiastically, and shoved the stake back in her sleeve, before slouching onto a bench, and staring blankly into the night.
She'd taken to just sitting, afraid to go home to an empty house.
A cold hand pressed on her shoulder and the slayer jumped up, pulling the stake form her sleeve again.
Her eyes widened as she recognised the face.
"Oh my god!"
She vaulted the bench and threw her arms around the vampire's neck.
"Spike! When did you get back?"
Spike hugged her back, a little surprised by her reaction.
"About half an hour ago. Believe it or not, I was missing Sunny D, thought I'd come back for a visit"
Buffy bounced excitedly on her toes
"That's so great..."
Spike raised an eyebrow
"Can't say I hate this welcome, but it's kind of strange, considering that last thing you said to me was 'You're leaving? Thank god.'"
Buffy bit her lip
"Well, I hate to tell you, Spike, but I've missed you"
Spike smiled
"Mutual, Slayer. How's little bit?"
Buffy shrugged
"She's living with Mom in LA. But they are both fine. Where are you staying? Last time I looked the crypt was being used by a nest of vamps."
Spike looked around him
"I'm sleeping in my car"
Buffy shook her head
"You could come and stay with me"
Spike smiled, unsure
"Okay. Who are you and what have you done with Buffy?"
The Slayer laughed and shocked herself with the sound. It had been a long time since she'd last laughed.
"It's me. Just a different me. A lot has happened... People have gone. Stuff's changed. I've changed. How long are you planning to stay?"
They started walking towards Buffy's house
"A couple of days. Angel is a pretty demanding boss."
Buffy nodded, then laughed
"You're working for Angel?"
Spike nodded
"Yeah. The big poofter needed some help, and I got nothing better to do. Didn't Will tell you?"
Buffy smiled sadly.
"No. We rarely get to speak."
Spike stopped at his car, parked a little way from the cemetery, and held the door open for Buffy, who laughed again
"I'm not the only one who changed"
-------------------------------------------------------------
"You know you're way around, don't you?"
Spike nodded, and Buffy threw her house keys onto the kitchen table.
"I don't have any blood in for you. But I can get you some."
The vampire watched as Buffy dashed around the kitchen, excitedly.
"You can take my old room or Dawn's. I'm not using either of them. If I wanted to I could alternate. But I moved into Mom's room. Double bed. Why would I turn that down? Not that I have anyone to share it with"
Buffy blushed
"Okay, I said that aloud."
Spike laughed
"Slayer. Stop. You're hyper."
Buffy stopped, and sat down.
"I'm sorry. I just don't usually have anyone to speak to. I have like a years worth of conversation to get out of my system."
Spike shook his head
"Why didn't you move to LA with your Mom, and Dawn?"
Buffy shrugged
"Wanted to. But I'm tied to the hellmouth. You know, sacred duty and all that."
Spike nodded, and Buffy got up, and nodded in the direction of the window.
"Better sort the windows out. You've just arrived. What sort of host turns their guest to dust"
Spike shook his head in awe
"It's strange to see you being so civil."
Buffy walked out of the kitchen and beckoned for Spike to follow
"Ditto. You got a chip that stops you saying 'Bloody Slayer'?"
Buffy reached into a cupboard, and pulled out some heavy sheets.
Spike looked at them, puzzled, and Buffy held them up
"Windows."
---------------------------------------------------------------
January 11th 2004
"Spike. Wake up."
Buffy shook the sleeping vampire's shoulder, and he stirred
"Morning Buffy."
The blonde girl sat on the bed, next to the vampire, and emptied a bag onto the comforter.
"I got you blood, and cigarettes. I don't know if they are the right ones..."
Spike looked at the packets laying on his lap, and ran a hand through his hair.
"Bloody hell. Yeah."
Buffy clapped her hands, like a child
"Oh Good..."
Spike lifted a blood packet to his mouth, and Buffy shook her head
"Wait. I have a mug you can use."
Buffy leant down and picked up a tray, piled with food. She handed him a mug.
"My breakfast."
Spike emptied the contents of the blood packet into the mug, and drank it.
He watched as Buffy chewed a piece of toast thoughtfully.
"So how the hell did we go from mortal enemies to sharing breakfast in bed?"
Buffy blushed a little
"Okay. Admission time. I missed you, and I'm glad you came back to visit."
Spike smiled, and sipped from his mug again.
"Besides, I think we made lousy enemies. I liked you too much."
Spike almost choked on his blood.
"You liked me? Yes, that was evident, all the times you threatened to stake me."
Buffy laughed
"I'm the Slayer. It's my job. Are you saying you didn't like me?"
Spike picked up a piece of toast from the tray, and dipped it into the mug. Buffy screwed up her face in disgust.
"I really thought I would hate you. But I didn't. It pissed me off. It pissed Dru off too."
Buffy watched as he ate the blood soaked bread, then eyed the toast in her hand, before dropping it.
"I'm suddenly not hungry. What's Dru got to do with it anyway?"
Spike bit into his toast again
"She said, uh, that I...It's not important. She just didn't like you is all."
Buffy nodded and squeaked as a white cat jumped up onto her lap.
It hissed at Spike, who glared at it.
"What the hell?"
Buffy laughed and stroked the fur on its back.
"This is my cat, who is currently proving the theory that cats and dogs can sense the undead."
Spike smiled slightly.
"Uh huh. Whats it's name?"
Buffy blushed.
"Uh...Will."
Spike took his eyes away from the cat, and looked at Buffy.
"After Willow?"
Buffy shook her head
"It's a boy. Will as in William"
Spike looked at the cat curiously, and back at Buffy, when he realised.
"Oh"
Buffy let the cat back onto the floor.
"His hair is white, so I thought of you. Stupid huh?"
Spike shook his head.
"No. Cute."
Buffy smiled, still embarassed.
"I've got a pet porcupine called Spike too."
The vampire looked up at her, and raised his eyebrows. He smiled when he realised she was joking.
------------------------------------------------
January 16th 2004
Buffy tiptoed quietly into the room occupied by Spike, and knelt down by the bed.
She stared at his unmoving chest, and looked up at his face.
"Spike" Buffy whispered his name, and smiled as he woke up, and looked at the alarm clock sitting on the bedside table.
"Buffy? It's 3:30."
The blonde slayer shrugged
"Couldn't sleep."
Spike lifted his arm for her to climb in with him, and her smile widened
"Thanks"
She snuggled against his chest, and sighed as he kissed her forehead
"Goodnight Spike."
"Yeah. 'night, pet."
Buffy woke up, and looked around the room. Leaning out of the bed she could just see Spike lying in her old bed, and she leaned back onto her pillow with a sigh.
She'd had the same dream for the last four days.
Running her hands through her messed up hair, she thought about how happy she'd been since Spike had been staying with her. He'd been there for 5 days, already longer than he'd planned. He had to go back to LA that night, and she sighed, knowing she'd miss him even more.
He'd stayed the same cocky vampire, but he seemed to be gentler in his approach to everything.
Leaning out of her bed, she opened a small draw, and took out her diary.
Dear Diary,
It's Spike's last day here today. It's been weird, but I've enjoyed every second of it. There's not much to do in Sunnydale at night, but we went to see a movie last night. He liked it. I think. I don't think it was his type of thing, but he said he enjoyed it anyway. He paid. It was like a date. The ticket attendant thought he was my boyfriend, and I won't say I didn't like being linked to Spike like that.
I didn't realise how much I missed him until we had an argument in the kitchen yesterday. We were swearing and shouting at each other, and I threw a plate at him. It was great. We ended up laughing.
He's still asleep. I had that dream again.
Maybe he can get Angel to give him a few more days off?
-----------------------------------------------
"Spike. I'm home."
A grunt from the lounge acknowledged her and she strode in and switched the TV off.
Buffy produced a bag and held it out to him.
"Ta-Da!"
Spike raised a suspicious eyebrow
"What's this?"
"It's a "Spike's going home, but we're going for dinner tonight" present"
Spike reached out to take the bag, and Buffy slapped his hand.
"Wait. Let me do this. I haven't done presents for a while..."
She dramatically reached into the bag and carefully pulled out a pile of clothes.
"I booked us the classiest restaurant in town, and there is no way you are going dressed like that."
Spike looked down at his red and black shirts and jeans.
"I've dressed like this for 30 years. Now I've got to change?"
Buffy laughed
"Spike. I'm not saying you don't look sexy. I'm just saying these are more suitable for a restaurant."
The vampire raised both his eyebrows in shock.
"Sexy, huh?"
Buffy blushed and sighed with relief when the phone rang.
"Buffy Summers speaking."
"Hey Buffy, it's Dawn. What's up?"
Buffy leant back against the wall, aware that Spike was gazing at her from the sofa.
"Oh nothing much. You?"
Dawn laughed
"Ditto. Have you seen Spike? He's visiting Sunnydale."
Buffy groaned
"Yeah. He's staying with me."
Dawn laughed louder this time.
"It's not funny, Dawn. Just a friends thing. Is Mom there?"
Dawn spoke for a little longer, and eventually her mother spoke.
"Hi Mom. Missing you. I wanted to ask you something...about Spike."
"Yes. What is it, Buffy?"
The blonde put her hand around the mouthpiece of the receiver
"Does he ever talk about me? He mentioned he talks to you a lot."
"I don't think you should ask me."
Buffy sighed
"Mom, I'm having major sad feelings about him leaving tonight. I don't want him to go."
Buffy shocked her mother by sobbing quietly down the phone, unaware that Spike was listening in the doorway.
"Buffy. Don't cry. He'll come back."
"No. I mean, I enjoy him being here. I went to work today, and couldn't wait until I got home to him."
Joyce sighed down the phone
"Buffy. I suggest you tell him how you feel. Something tells me you won't be disappointed by his reaction. I'd better go. I can smell the food burning. Love you Buffy."
"Yeah. Love you Mom. Love to Dawny too."
Buffy hung the phone up, and turned around to face Spike, who was smiling.
"Okay Summers. What's the crying about?"
Buffy rubbed her eyes on her sleeve
"Just talking to my Mom and Dawn again."
Clapping her hands, in an attempt to change the mood, she picked up the bag of clothes, and beckoned for the vampire to follow her.
-----------------------------------------------------
"Buffy. I don't know. You're making me look like Soul boy"
The slayer shook her head
"Don't be silly."
Buffy did up the final button on the shirt, and put a tie around his neck.
Standing back when she'd tightened it, she shook her head again.
"So the tie looks gross."
Spike nodded, as Buffy loosened it and pulled it over his head.
"Can you believe the tie was almost as expensive as the shirt?"
Spike laughed
"You're joking right?"
Buffy shook her head a third time, and stood back again.
"The bottom half is good. But the shirt. I don't like it. It's too... I don't know."
Spike looked down at the navy blue shirt.
"Angel."
Buffy nodded slowly.
"It's not you. Makes you look like Riley, when you're really more exciting and dangerous..." Buffy's voice trailed off, and Spike laughed at the muttering blonde slayer, who was now taking his shirt off.
"So what do you suggest? I go shirtless?"
Buffy smiled
"You could do that. But...where's that red shirt you normally wear?"
Spike signalled to the bed, where it lay, and Buffy picked it up.
"Put this on."
Spike slipped his arms into the shirt, and buttoned it up.
Buffy tapped his hands away, and carried on buttoning for him.
She reached the top and stood back again, before moving forward and undoing the first two buttons.
Nodding her head, Buffy picked up the black jacket that matched the rest of the suit, and handed it to him.
She stood back again, and she raised her eyebrows.
Spike saw this and looked down
"Is it okay?"
Buffy nodded
"It's uh, great. You look brilliant."
Spike smiled and looked down at the black suit, and red shirt.
"I was right. The red shirt makes you...uh, you. But can I just do something I've wanted to do for years?"
Spike stared at her, and nodded slowly.
Standing on tiptoes, she reached up and ruffled his hair with her hands.
If not melting was hard before, it was near impossible now, as he stared at her confused, by her actions.
"What did you do?"
Buffy stammered
"I...I...messed your hair up"
Spike tutted, and raised his hand to brush it back, but Buffy stopped him.
"No. Leave it. It looks really good like that."
"I wish I could bloody see myself. I probably look like a complete tosser..."
Buffy touched his arm, and took a breath
"Spike. You look stunning, and I'm going to have a tough job keeping you to myself"
The vampire grinned as she turned and walked out of the room.
He sat on the bed, and lay back, staring at the ceiling.
He was angry with himself for not having the nerve to tell her exactly how he felt about her before he left Sunnydale for LA.
He slammed his fists on the bed for thinking he felt differently about her.
"Bloody stupid...oh my god"
Buffy stood in the doorway, wearing a long red dress, with black lace on the bodice.
She laughed nervously.
"It cost me a fortune, so if it looks bad it'll have to do."
Spike stood up, and Buffy blushed at his scrutiny.
"No. I mean, bloody hell. It's...you look great."
Buffy beamed, as Spike kissed her forehead.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I'm not sure I make a good Slayer anymore"
Spike scoffed
"You're the best Slayer I've met. You got me out of my jeans...That's some challenge."
Buffy blushed, and Spike laughed as he realised what he'd said.
"I didn't mean...Okay... Start again, Spike."
Buffy laughed at his nervousness.
They'd finished their food, and sat at a table in the near empty restaurant, talking.
"You dusted those vamps the other night than I've ever seen you. You haven't lost it."
Buffy sighed
"Yeah, but it's become boring. I'm not saving the world anymore. I'm just doing a job."
Spike played with the tablecloth
"What changed?"
"I'm lonely."
Spike exhaled an unnecessary breath
"Everyone's still around. Just not...around."
Buffy laughed a little
"Exactly. They are all within reach, but too far away. Know what I mean?"
Spike nodded
"I just know that you'll go tonight, and I'm going to miss you."
The vampire chuckled to himself.
"I would never have left if you'd have said something like that before."
Buffy looked up from the candle she'd been staring at.
"I treated you like crap."
Spike shook his head
"Not really."
"No. I was horrible, and nasty, and just a bitch. And I'm sorry."
Spike leant back in his chair.
"I had already forgotten it. It's not important."
Buffy wasn't listening. She put her head in her hands and sobbed quietly.
Spike rounded the table, and pat her arm.
"Don't cry. It's not important."
Buffy looked towards the small dancefloor, and held her hand out.
"Dance? Before you go?"
Spike nodded and led the petite blonde to the wooden square.
I've been a bad, bad girl
I've been careless with a delicate man
And it's a sad, sad world
when a girl will break a boy
just because she can
Don't you tell me to deny it
I've done wrong and I want to
suffer for my sins
I've come to you cause I need
guidance to be true
and I just don't know where I can begin
Buffy rested her head on the blonde vampires shoulder, and smiled as he rested his cheek on her head.
Though she fought it, tears came back again, and she closed her eyes tight.
What I need is a good defense
cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
to the one I've sinned against
cause he's all I ever knew of love
The blonde slayer sighed, as she felt his cold hand on the back on her head, holding her to him.
"I'm making this whole night depressing, huh?"
Spike laughed
"No. Absolutely not."
Buffy pushed her cheek against his chest as close as she could get.
Let me know the way
before there's hell to pay
Give me room to lay the law and let me go
I've got to make a play
to make my lover stay
So what would an angel say
the devil wants to know
"Spike?"
Buffy looked up at Spike, who looked back down.
"Hmm?"
"The song stopped...about 2 minutes ago."
The vampire laughed.
"Tell me another one started and we don't look completely stupid."
Buffy giggled.
"No. We do look completely stupid."
Spike led her off the dance floor, and picked her coat up.
He held it out for her
"Do we have to go?"
Spike sighed
"Yeah. Angel will rip my arms off, and hit me repeatedly if I'm not back tomorrow."
Buffy reluctantly slipped her arms in the jacket, and picked up her purse.
"Okay. But you can tell Angel, that I might just rip his arms off for making you leave."
Spike winked at her
"I'll just drive the car round. Wait here?"
Buffy nodded, and watched him run down the steps at the front of the building.
She began to walk towards the door, but stopped when an elderly woman touched her arm
"That was lovely, dear. You look very much in love. You know, we've been married for 50 years."
The woman nodded at her husband, sitting opposite her.
"You're a lucky young lady. He's a fine looking young man."
Buffy nodded
"I know. Thankyou"
The woman leant back in her chair slightly.
"Want to swap?"
Buffy laughed with the woman, who smiled and went back to her dinner.
The blonde slayer ran to the black DeSoto now sitting at the front of the restaurant, and got in.
"They've been married 50 years, Spike."
The vampire peered through her window, at the couple, as he drove off and nodded
"Yeah. I know. She spoke to me while you were powderin' your nose."
Buffy smiled
"What did she say?"
Spike shrugged
"Nothing much. Told me I was lucky to have a pretty girl like you on me arm."
Buffy giggled
"Told me pretty much the same thing."
Spike frowned
"I'm not a pretty girl."
Buffy giggled again
"No. But you are a fine looking young man."
Spike nodded
"Better, but I'm also not young."
Buffy shrugged
"Okay. I'm just plain lucky. She said something else too."
Spike knew what was coming because she'd said the same thing to him.
"She said... No. It doesn't matter what she said. I knew anyway. Spike. I love you."
The screech of brakes shocked Buffy, and she looked out of the open window.
"Pardon?"
She looked up when she realised that it was their car that had stopped, and that Spike was staring at her.
"I said I love you."
She looked out of the window again, this time for fear of rejection.
She moved backwards as Spike leant over her and rolled the window up.
"Okay better. Look at me, Buffy"
Buffy looked up shyly.
"This reaction is taking a little longer than I'd expected."
Spike shook his head
"No. There is a reaction in here somewhere. My head is aching, and I could have sworn my heart just thumped"
Buffy laughed
"Is that good?"
Spike nodded
"Oh yeah. It's good."
Buffy's smile widened
"Good god, you're difficult to declare love for. Say something."
Spike shrugged
"I don't know what I can say that will compare to the effect that had on me. How about 'Bloody hell. I've loved you for four and a half years. I still love you now, probably more than I ever have'?"
Buffy choked back a happy sob, and threw her arms around his neck.
"Oh my god, I love you so much."
Spike grinned, and pulled away to start the car. He pressed his foot hard on the pedal, and drove away at top speed.
"What are you doing, Spike?"
Spike peered through the small spaces in the blacked out windows.
"I am going to take you home, relieve 7 years of sexual tension between us, and then I've got to get back to my poncy sire to finish off a couple of cases then I quit."
Buffy laughed
"7 years, huh?"
Spike nodded as he stopped the car, and got out.
"Absolutely"
He bounded around the car, and practically dragged Buffy out.
"Before we go in... are you sure Willow hasn't done another spell?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I'll miss you even more now."
Buffy leaned in the window of the car, and kissed her new lover on the cheek.
"I'll be back soon. I can't really leave hairgel boy to solve a case about mutant dogs on his own."
Buffy giggled, and handed Spike a box.
"Open it."
Spike lifted the lid, and pulled out a stuffed pig.
"Buffy. No. I can't take Mr Gordo"
The Slayer shrugged
"Just to remind you of me. I've got Will. I'll be just fine."
Spike put the lid back on and put it in the passenger seat.
"I hope Angel doesn't see me sleeping with a stuffed pig."
Buffy leant in and kissed the bleach blonde hair, that now smelt of vanilla after a shared shower.
"Love you."
The car pulled away, and the vampire leant out of the window and shouted back at her.
"Love you too"
----------------------------------------------------------
January 18th 2004
Buffy padded in her hallway two days later, and stared at a pile of birthday cards.
She opened them all and smiled at the various birthday messages.
The doorbell rang, and she opened the door.
A fairly large box sat on the porch, and she picked up the envelope, opening it excitedly
"Dear Buffy,
I bet you thought I didn't know it was your birthday. Well, I did. In fact, I've bought you something every January 18th for the last five years. Even before I fell for you. I just never got the chance to give them to you.
So they are all in this box.
Bring it inside. Sit on the sofa, and open them...
I'll be back later.
All my love,
Spike."
Buffy picked up the box, and sat on the sofa.
She quickly pulled the wrapping off and took out four smaller presents, each with different years on them.
"Spike, forever dramatic" she sighed as she unwrapped a box of chocolates.
She noticed as she opened the presents, that they got better through the years.
He'd bought her a teddy bear for her 20th, and a watch for her 21st.
She pulled open the wrapping for her 22nd birthday present, and she stared at the leather box.
Carefully, she opened it, and a small dagger sat on the red velvet interior.
The inscription simply read
"For Buffy"
She picked it up, and twirled it in her hand
"It's beautiful" she said to the empty room.
Putting it back in its case, she looked at the letter again.
On the back of the letter, there was another note.
"I love your pyjamas but get dressed and come downstairs again"
Buffy looked down at herself and stood up, before padding up the stairs.
Once dressed, she walked down the stairs, and into the lounge, where her friends and family popped up from various locations around the room.
Tears welled up in her eyes, as she hugged them one by one. Angel pulled her aside, and took an unnecessary breath.
"Spike came back, ultra happy, and clinging onto Mr Gordo. We fought a bit, but uh, yeah. You have my blessing."
Buffy hugged her ex lover, and looked around the room.
"Oh. Giles couldn't make it. Where's Spike?"
Buffy looked past Angel's shoulder.
"Oh my god."
Spike was striding up the driveway, following Giles, who was racing towards the Slayer.
"Giles!"
Buffy threw her arms around her watcher's neck, and he hugged her equally hard.
"I've missed you. Spike, paid for a flight back."
Buffy reluctantly let go of Giles, and ran to Spike, who stood waiting for her with his arms open.
She hugged him tight and showered his face with kisses
"Thankyou. I love you ten times as much now..."
Spike smiled
"Bloody love you too. And I'm back for good now. During our fight over you, Angel fired me"
The End