The Sweetest Gift

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Disclaimer: The genius that is Joss Whedon owns Buffy, not me, if I did, well, then let’s just say there’d be plenty of B/S action going on.

Rating: PG-13

Distribution: It’s cool with me. Just let me know the site.

Feedback: YES! Just let me know the site.

Summary: The final story in my series. Spike gets one final gift.

The Sweetest Gift

Buffy really wasn’t meant to come back after all. We all thought, that when Doc had brought her back, we all thought, that there was a reason that she was supposed to. But, like usual, we were wrong.

And now Buffy is gone.

* * *

It used to be a gift to walk into the Summers house. It used to be a gift to see Dawn and Buffy, to hear them laugh, to watch them, just to be in their presence, was all he’d asked for. But now, now it was a curse.

“I’m not hungry,” he heard Dawn’s voice snap from the back of the house.

Why did I come back? The thought rang in his head for the millionth time. He was starting to remember how much it hurt.

“Hey,” Willow smiled. “Nice to see you around.”

She knows, he could tell, she knew what was happening.

“Yeah, I just wanted to stop in,” Spike offered her a smile.

“Thanks,” Willow nodded. “Why don’t you come into the living room, we could use some thing to talk about.”

“Sure,” Spike shrugged. He wandered into the living room and sat down on the couch across from Xander.

“Hey,” Xander mumbled.

“Hey,” Spike replied in turn. That was usually as far as the conversation got. Spike and Xander had been on pretty good terms for the last few weeks. Well, as good of terms as the two guys could be in.

“You doing all right?”

Good, he doesn’t know. “Fine. You?”

“Fine,” Xander nodded.

The whole house smelled like her. He couldn’t take it. “You been staying here?”

“Yeah. Are you planning to stay?”

He knows. Of course, he does. No luck for Spike. “For a bit. Then, then I have to go.”

“Yeah, I thought so,” Xander nodded. “I’m gonna go check on Dawn,” he sighed and got up.

Spike leaned back and closed his eyes.

* * *

“Ha! See, that’s what happens when you mess with the big blond bad! Buffy, look, I killed it, Buffy, he’s-“ Spike voice stopped suddenly. “Buffy?”

* * *

“Spike?” Giles frowned staring at him.

“Sorry,” Spike cried.

“It’s quite alright,” Giles nodded. “You feeling okay?”

“Yeah, just, a, yeah, I’m fine,” Spike said.

“This is hard Spike, we all understand that,” Giles nodded.

It’s not your fault she’s dead. “I know, thanks, mate,” Spike stuttered through the words. They didn’t understand what he was going through. They hadn’t been there when he’d lost her.

“So you came to say goodbye,” Dawn’s cold voice snapped from the kitchen.

“Yeah, yeah I did,” Spike nodded.

“Are you ever coming back?”

“’Fraid not.”

“Oh,” Dawn’s voice stopped. She stepped out into the living room. “Where are you going?”

“Not sure,” Spike said. “I’ll try to drop you a line every now and then.” He stood up. “I should get going. The sun’s going to be up in a few hours.”

Willow hugged him. “We’ll miss you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she stepped back.

Giles shook his hand. “You’ve, you’ve been a good man, thank you.”

“Okay, I’m not really good at goodbyes, but, uh,” Xander stuttered. “Much remains unsaid between us. Let’s just leave it at that.”

“Agreed,” Spike nodded. “Dawn?”

“I don’t want to say goodbye,” Dawn sighed. “To anyone. I hate saying goodbye.”

“Then don’t,” Spike said. He hugged her.

“I’ll miss you. But, I guess without Buffy, I guess you’re not really whole, so, this is what you have to do. See you around sometime?”

“Sure,” Spike lied. And with that he left the house.

* * *

As he walked towards her grave, he felt overcome by memories from that night. He dreamed about it every day, each time, running through how it had happened, as seeing if there was any way he could have changed it. He knew he could have.

Spike sat down next to her grave, placing a single rose on it. He’d buried her next to the tree they’d sat at. The tree where the demon had slashed her, and then, where it had killed her.

“Buffy, I’m sorry,” his vocal cords were thick and he wasn’t sure if they could still work. “I should have…” his voice trailed off. He still wasn’t sure how he could have saved her.

* * *

“What’s done is done,” Buffy smiled at him warmly.

He ran his fingers through her hair. “I love you Buffy Summers.”

“I love you,” Buffy smiled back. “Okay, let’s put this thing in the ground.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “I have this feeling patrol won’t end soon enough.”

* * *

She had been right.

“What’s done is done,” her words were still with her. “I know, I know your probably with your mum now, and I know that’s probably making you happy, and I’m sure I’m not one of the top people on the list that you miss, but I miss you Buffy. Every day, it’s hurts worse without you. I didn’t know, I thought that when I became a vampire, I would be evil, and I was right, but I never thought I could still feel pain, not, not like this. I still love you.”

His voice broke and he stopped. He looked up at the sky, he could see the top of the sun at the horizon.

* * *

“Buffy, just, just hold on, Xander, he’ll come and find us, and then we can go to the hospital, and it’ll all be okay. Please, stay with me.”

She smiled. Her hand gently drifted up to his cheek. He placed his hand in her own. “You’ve been a rock. I love you for it.”

“No,” he rocked her, as if a baby, with his free hand. “Buffy, the blood, it’s not that much. I mean, it’s just, you can’t leave me.”

“I left once before,” her voice was hoarse, and fading quickly.

“But, that was different, you, you had to save the world, you had to.”

“And I was meant to give my gift, I don’t think I was supposed to take it back,” she smiled. “Spike?”

“Anything, please, anything, just don’t leave.”

“I love you…” what ever else she had wanted to say was lost, as her eyes slowly drifted shut.

* * *

“Buffy, I still can’t believe your gone, I still love you,” he cried. The warm tears ran down his face. Suddenly he stopped. “I still love you.”

After he had died, Cecily, he hadn’t loved her anymore, and in time, Dru had become dead to him also. He hadn’t loved either one of them when they were gone.

But Buffy, Buffy he still loved. With his whole heart, he’d still loved her.

Perhaps she’d give him her only gift, love.

Spike turned, the sun was now a few moments away from him. He smiled. He hadn’t seen a sunrise in many years.

The sun seemed to sparkle at him; it was as if it was trying to welcome him. It was an amazing sight. He was glad his first, and last sunrise would be so beautiful.

Soon he would be gone; soon he’d be lost, lost in a sea of voices that he’d never known. And his pain would lessen, but not enough to stop the hurt. But he’d be gone, and perhaps, perhaps his essence, perhaps that would find Buffy. But his love for her, that would never die.

And perhaps, that was the sweetest gift of all.

The End