Fluffy The Girl in Question

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E-mail Hilary

by Nebula

Note: This is a response to Challenge 43

Someone was watching her, she knew it. Buffy stood up straighter but continued to dance as she scanned the overhead terrace. No one staring at her directly, from what she could see.

 Are you all right? the Immortal asked.

Buffy turned to her partner, smiling at him.  Everything's just fine. Don't worry. Even if I do, she added dryly in her head.

The Immortal gave her a perfect smile and went back to dancing, causing all the girls in the vicinity to lock their eyes on him, wishing they were his partner.

Perfect. That's what the Immortal was. Buffy couldn't even begin to describe him to anyone without saying 'perfect' once. A smile that dazzled the ladies (and gentlemen), a body that begged for attention, and a sweet disposition that came from spending a hundred plus years in a monastery. Oh yeah; he was older than Angel and Spike combined. Looked good for his age, though.

Buffy cringed. Dammit, couldn't she go through one night without thinking about him? Or either of them? Granted, Angel made it hard, considering he had people keeping an eye on her. She'd put on in the hospital, hoping Angel would get the message. He hadn't.

But Spike...she closed her eyes for a brief second, allowing herself to think about him. It wasn't something she did often, because when she did, she wanted to do nothing more than crawl into a hole and disappear. And that wasn't what he had died for. He'd died for her to live, right? She couldn't do that if she kept dwelling on the past.

She could see him perfectly in her head. His smile, his bleached hair gleaming in the moonlight, or under any light. His gentle touch, as if he'd been trying to give all his love through that caress. His constant support through those last two years that had been hell. Never letting her fail or fall. Always there for her.

Except he wasn't anymore, was he?

Let him go, a voice said inside her head. Let him rest in peace.

 I can't, she whispered out loud.

But she should. She was with THE perfect guy. The Immortal. He was nice to Dawn, to her, even to Andrew, who'd starting living with them not too long ago.

If he was so perfect, then why couldn't Buffy let Spike go?

Because the Immortal was too perfect. Too nice. He didn't really even seem...real, at times. She liked him, certainly. Who wouldn't? But she probably didn't like him the way he wanted her to.

 You are really messed up, Summers, she muttered under her breath. Now she knew she had no shot at a love life. She was about to break it off with Mr. Perfect. She was officially nuts. Though, she was sure she'd make a lot of the girls here tonight very, VERY happy.

A new band took the stage, and Buffy was reminded of the Bronze, so long ago. That was one of the things she'd missed the most when Sunnydale had gone down. The Bronze had been the place for a lot of firsts, inside and outside. Inside, she'd dusted the first minion of the Master. Fought with Angel. Danced with Xander. Gotten a drink with Willow.

Outside held memories, too. Her first fight with Spike. His first display of love for her. Their first, passionate kiss. The second one had been inside the Bronze itself.

Great. Just make yourself think about him, why don't you? She rolled her eyes, almost growling at herself.

A familiar, slow guitar chord was struck a few times, causing her to look up. Her eyes widened as she recognized the dark-haired girl who had played once at the Bronze. Another reminder of home.

The girl smiled and began to sing.  Of all the things I've believed in...I just wanna get it over with. Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry. Countin' the days that pass me by...

 I've been searchin' deep down in my soul. Words that I'm hearin', are starting to get old. Feels like I'm startin' all over again. The last three years were just pretend. And I said,

 Goodbye, to you. Goodbye to everything, that I knew. You were the one I loved. The one thing that I tried to hold on to...

< --- >

Spike stopped, turning away from the bar. Angel was still trying to talk to the bartender, and try to find out where Buffy was. Spike didn't care. The song that was being played was hitting a little too close to home, in more ways than one. It sounded...familiar. Like he'd heard it before.

He headed over to the railing and peered down at the small girl on stage. She looked familiar, and the tune was nagging at his memory, telling him to remember something from years ago.

As she launched into the chorus, the words began to float around in his mind. Goodbye to you...you were the one I loved...the one thing that I tried to hold on to. The words formed a picture, and all he could think of was her. Buffy.

He sighed. He'd thought about telling her that he was back, but had decided against it. It just hadn't seemed right, somehow. Giving her a chance at a normal life, only to walk back in, forcing her to face up to what she used to be? He hadn't died to do that. He had died to save the world, and save her. Save her from the mess she'd gotten involved in.

The second verse began, but Spike didn't care. He'd seen something down in the crowd, a flash of blonde. It was turning his way...

He growled. Not her. Dammit. He listened to the music, thinking of another night in a club, where he'd been trying to find her. Find her and make her see that it was him she wanted and loved.

 I used to get lost in your eyes. And it seems, that I can't live a day without you. Closin' my eyes, and you chase my thoughts away. To a place where I am blinded by the light, but it's not right...

And then, he saw her. His jaw dropped at the sight of her. She looked healthier, and seemed to glow with a new light. A new reason to live. A man wasn't dancing far from her, and he knew it was her partner.

Spike blinked away tears. He'd done his job, then. Buffy was doing well, and she was happy. She was alive.

He frowned, watching her. She wasn't dancing with her partner, though, and she didn't look very happy. Her eyes were fastened on the girl on stage, and she was listening intently to the song. Was she remembering, too?

 Goodbye, to you...goodbye to everything, that I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to...

< --- >

Buffy swallowed past the lump in her throat. She couldn't deny it anymore. She couldn't just push the thought of Spike out of her head, or her heart. She missed him. She needed him. She loved him. But it was too late.

The girl began to sing,  And it hurts to want everything, and nothing at the same time. I want what's yours and I, want what's mine. She paused, getting ready for the next chord.

Buffy backed away from the stage, away from the Immortal. Who was she fooling? She was Spike's for the rest of time, and no one else was going to fill the hole in her heart.

She heard the Immortal call her name, but kept her eyes on the stage. The girl looked out, then began to sing without the music.  I want you, but I'm not givin' in this time...

Buffy covered her mouth with her hand and turned, running as fast as she could out of the club. Away from the sudden clash of music as the girl began to sing the chorus once more. Goodbye to you...Goodbye, Spike...

With a sob she hurried out to the plaza beside the club.

< --- >

Spike watched her run, felt his heart break a little more at the pain she was in. Because of him.

He clenched his fists, trying to make up his mind. Should he do this? Should he...?

 Bugger this, he growled, racing down the stairs after her. Angel called after him, but Spike ignored him. He had a girl to find.

< --- >

Buffy collapsed on one of the benches, rubbing at her swollen eyes. Of all the times he had to be heroic, it had to be then? Damn him!

She looked up, then down, then up again.  I hope you can hear me Spike, wherever the hell you are! she yelled at the sky.  Can you hear me now? You'd better! Because damn you, Spike!! Damn you, damn you, DAMN YOU!! She coughed, choking back another sob.  Damn you for leaving me, she whispered, burying her head in her hands.

 Do I get a 'bless you' if I come back?

Buffy froze. That had been his voice. Great; now she was hearing things. Slowly she sat up and looked towards the origin of the voice. Black duster, black shirt, black pants, black shoes, bleached hair, and a tentative smile. It couldn't be.

He stepped forward, and Buffy scooted away. She'd gotten rid of the First, hadn't she? This wasn't happening. She was dreaming, she had to be.

But the bench felt cold and hard underneath her. The air felt misty, as if fog would likely roll in during the night. He stepped towards her once more, and Buffy found she couldn't scoot back any further. She did the only thing she could think of: she pulled her left arm back and punched.

He caught her fist in his right hand, and the two stared at each other for a few moments. Buffy relaxed her hand, opening it up to put them almost palm to palm. Slowly, ever so slowly, she inched her hand up and slid her fingers between his, praying with everything she had that this wasn't a dream.

With an understanding look in his eyes he clasped her hand to his, staring at where they were connected.

She finally pulled her eyes away from their hands and gazed up at him.  Spike? she whispered.

He smiled at her, gripping her hand tighter.  No more goodbyes, he whispered back.

The next moment she was flying off of the bench and into his arms, her hand still never leaving his. Desperate touches from both sides assured the other that this was really happening, and then lips met, and oh, it was just like she had remembered. She could taste him, and it really was him, and she was happy again.

Spike pulled away, brushing hair out of her eyes.  I missed you, he said softly, almost rolling his eyes at the understatement. He'd tried to forget about her through the months, but it had never worked. He was hers, and always would be.

She laughed, giving him a watery smile.  If I tell you something, would you believe me this time?

 I think so, he replied, staring into her eyes, his fingertips dancing along her skin. Trying to memorize everything all over again. Bloody hell, how he'd missed her...

 I love you.

He glanced down at her, and realized he didn't have to hear the words. The look in her eyes was enough.  I love you, too, he said, watching her eyes light up.

 And the next time you try to do something heroic, remember you're an evil, wicked vampire who doesn't do things like that, right?

Spike laughed out loud.  Right. I'll 'member that, don't worry.

 And you're not leaving?

He stopped laughing at the desperation in her voice. He stared at her, her eyes fixed on him.

Buffy mistook the pause for bad news and grasped his hand hard enough to crush bones.  Please, Spike, stay. Please, please...I lost you once before, and I don't think I can do it again. Don't leave...

 Hey, hey, shush, Spike soothed, pulling her to him. He ran his fingers through her hair, noticing she'd decided to grow it out again.  I'm not goin' anywhere. Promise.

She looked up at him, letting him wipe her tears again.  I missed you, she admitted brokenly.  When...when I left you, I felt like I was leaving part of me with you.

 I'm stayin', Spike reassured her, kissing the top of her head. Their eyes met, and then lips touched. It wasn't as desperate a kiss as before, but more of a gentle, in love kiss. No more goodbyes for either of them.

Angel watched from the alley, finally allowing himself to smile for the two.  Take care of her, Will, he whispered, before turning and walking away, leaving the two wrapped up in each other.

THE END