Earniny Eternity
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Hilary
Author: Christy
Rating: One section is R/NC17ish
Distribution: Just let me know
Disclaimer: All characters and the Sunnydale universe belong to Joss.
Spoilers: No Tara in this universe
Feedback: I need it like Glory needs to suck brains
Dedication/Summary: I love everyone's dark fics but I get all broody without a happy ending. This is dedicated to everyone who needs happy endings too. So all you people go ahead and kill Spike and Buffy as many times as you want but now those of us who still want a happy ending have hope.
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"Please, you have to let me help him," Buffy said with anguish
and desperation in her voice. "Something, anything. Please!"
Her voice devoid of the contentment and bliss it should hold in this place.
"He won't make it. He won't find the answer on his own."
The Archangel Gabriel studied the former warrior with compassion and
confusion. She never looked like what she was. There had never been even
a hint of her strength and abilities in her appearance. Just a fire in
her eyes and a beauty rivaling that of the heavenly residents he knew
so well.
"What is it you wish from me?" he asked sternly but with infinite
patience.
"Let me go to him. Let me communicate with him. You were the one
who told me he has a chance to win his soul back but he'll never find
the path without guidance."
"It is forbidden!"
"How can it be forbidden?! How can you, Gabriel, first among all
the angels be so cruel? I gave my life for your cause, and what a pathetic
life it was. Did I ever have one moment of true happiness that wasn't
followed by torturous pain? I gave all, grudgingly yes, but willingly
still. I died 20 years ago in your holy war and still I am denied the
perfect peace that heaven promises. He was the love of my life. I lost
him when I died but was I granted sweet oblivion? No, I've watched him
every day. Watched his agony and loneliness. Able to see but never comfort.
Heaven has become my hell!"
She was hysterical. The Archangel had never witnessed anything like it.
No soul had ever suffered in heaven until Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer,
was ripped from the arms of her demon lover. All she said was true. Her
life had not been much of an existence. She had been called to war as
a child and learned everything about loss and too little of love. There
had been
bright moments, her few friends and family, and the brightest and most
improbable of all, her all-consuming love for the vampire she now watched
from heaven.
That vampire was only slightly more confusing to Gabriel than she herself.
A vampire that loved with such passion and tenderness that the lesser
angels wept to see it, see it and never touch it. Gabriel had watched
the vampire go from evil human to even more evil demon to earthbound savior
of the former soldier of light standing weeping before him now. It had
never
happened before, not since time began. A demon had never earned his way
into the light, into heaven. Gabriel had realized, however, as he looked
down upon the Slayer and her love that nothing was certain even in heaven.
He did not understand his own mind. Did not know why he had told her that
there was a way he could earn eternity, a way they could finally have
the time together denied them on Earth. He only knew that something about
her, her utterly ruthless determination to keep the balance of good and
evil in the world at the expense of her own happiness had touched him.
Never had he seen such
light in a human soul before. He reflected on what the Archangel Michael
had once said after watching one of her more brutal and soul-wearying
fights,
"What a splendid warrior angel she would have made." Gabriel
knew it to be true. And that was the answer. She had more of the divine
in her than any purely human soul he'd ever encountered. But still it
was forbidden.
"He must find the truth on his own. It is wrong enough that you
watch him constantly. It is not the way of things. It means nothing if
he doesn't do it himself."
"Please Gabriel. I am begging you." She said as a faint, sad
smile played about her lips.
"Why do you smile?"
"Because he once told me I wasn't the begging type. He was right.
But I'm begging now, ONLY for him."
Gabriel suddenly became still as though listening to something only he
could hear. Buffy wondered at the Angel's sudden stillness. She hadn't
known it was possible but the Archangel actually looked stunned.
"Your request is granted," his voice thundered.
"But-"
"I suggest you don't question your blessing. Just take advantage
of it."
"I will," she said in awe. She didn't even want to think about
how she had been given permission or from whom it came.
"Buffy, there are rules you must follow. You will be allowed to
visit his dreams just once and you must go back in time to before he realized
his love for you. You may only tell him the words I will give you."
"It will be enough."
"We shall see."
"I thought you guys knew everything already, don't you already see?"
"Don't try my patience girl," the Archangel said in a tone
very near exasperation.
"Giles always told me I could try the patience of a saint. I guess he wasn't far off." She smiled. The first expression other than worry and pain he'd seen on her face for 19 years, 364 days and some odd hours. The first happiness she had tasted since the moment she had demanded to see her grieving lover.
******
"Spiiike...Spiiike...SPIKE!"
"Bloody hell Slayer! What do you want?! A Vampire can't even dream
in peace anymore, is that it?" The somewhat unnaturally blond vampire
mumbled in his sleep. Buffy let her eyes wander over his sleep-tousled
face. She would have caught her breath at his beauty if spirits needed
to breathe. So close. If only she could touch him, but no that was against
the rules and her mission here was about forever, not about one fleeting
moment of pleasure. Her desire was so great though when he rolled and
she saw
his face fully that she considered risking it all for that one moment
of what she knew would be intense pleasure. But no, 1000 years of waiting
and watching would be worth it in the end.
"Spike, listen to me. For once in your annoying undeadness, just
listen to me."
The surly vampire focused on the girl invading his dream. She didn't
look like she usually did in his dreams. She was glowing softly and looked
like nothing more than a spirit. Usually she looked just as she did when
he was awake. Usually they were fighting and he was winning.
"Spike?"
"What?! Just get on with it so I can get some fucking sleep!"
"Tsk, tsk, tsk is that any way to talk to a heavenly being?'
"BUFFY!" a voice thundered in her head warning her not to say
more.
"Sorry Gabriel, I didn't mean to say that, I swear. It's just he
gets me so worked up, as always."
"Slayer, who are you talking to? If you're interrupting my sleep
you'd bloody well better talk to me and get out."
"Listen to me Spike, I have something very important to tell you
and you have to remember it."
Spike couldn't get over how beautiful she was. She did indeed look like
a heavenly being, she always had but that never stopped him from trying
to kill her. No, only this stupid chip in his head did that. Made him
fucking impotent. If he ever got his hands on those soldier boys he'd..."
"Spike, do try to pay attention. You're wandering off topic."
"I wouldn't be if you'd spit it out."
"Alright, here goes. Spike, you're going to be faced with a situation in the future where you'll have to make the ultimate sacrifice for love. If you can do that and go on after, fighting for good, you'll be given a chance to earn not just your soul back but your place in heaven. It's an unfathomable gift Spike. Remember what I've said and you'll have your heart's desire for all eternity."
She spoke earnestly and with a gravity he'd never seen in her before.
"I must have drank some bad blood last night. That's why I'm having
this bloody stupid dream. Why would I want my soul back and why would
I want to go to heaven, providing anyone ever has the balls or skill to
kill me Slayer?" He looked at her with that infuriating, cocky way
she had learned was a defense mechanism against the pain life and death
always seemed full of
for him.
"Spike," she floated closer to him, a look of deep concern
and panic on her face, "Just remember. Someday, something may make
you feel differently."
"Not bleedin' likely."
Her face saddened, "Please remember." As she disappeared he though he heard her say "Remember me and our love." Then she was gone and he settled back into a troubled sleep.
******
"Oh, Gabriel, why did I have to go back to that time. He was so
bitter then. He hated me more then than at any other time I knew him.
I was a constant reminder of his inadequacies after they put that chip
in his head."
"Do you have so little faith in him, this man you would spend eternity
with?"
She pulled her shoulders back and faced the Angel, "I believe in
him."
"Very well. We will see if your trust is well-placed."
"Yes, we shall."
"Buffy, you cannot continue to watch him."
"I have to!" she said desperately. "I may not be able to comfort him but a part of me believes in some way I lend him strength."
With that she walked away to watch her love. She saw him. The Spike she
saw was not the infuriating vampire she had just visited. She was looking
at him 21 years after the dream she had just visited. He was nearly broken
by grief. She sat and watched, refusing to turn away.
The Angel left her, not wishing to add to her pain by removing her.