Credits: I would like to thank you Joss Whedon and the wonderful cast for putting together such a great show that inspired me to live outside of my own mess of world. Also, my friend in New York that inspired me to write again.

Author’s notes: I wrote this just for entertainment value, and as far as I can figure it doesn’t come from the show in anyway. The idea just popped up in my head one day coming home from school.

Ratings: R/NC-17

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Bound by a Dream

The darkness consumed him like it never has in over 125 years of his immortal life. The pain with every step was unbearable, more than all the torture an eternity in Hell could provide. The smallest faint of light shined out to him like it was his savior. He moved slowly thru the darkness trying for his vampire eyes to see what surrounded him, but he could only make out shadows. The light seemed farther away every step he took towards it, every un-needed breath he took paralyzed his dead body. He yearned for the light, and when he finally got to it, it swarmed around him like it had just defeated an enemy. The colors he saw he took in as if he has never seen them before. Purple roses flooded the pathway he was in, tulips cascaded a gorgeous white box in the middle of the light. It was so beaming it pulled everything towards it, even Spike. He couldn’t control his actions, and moved slowly to the box. There she laid, humble, and for the first time he has ever seen, at peace with everything around her. His tears flooded his eyes until he could no longer see her beautiful face, so he did the one thing she had never allowed him to do while she was alive, he reached out and grabbed her hand. He caressed her small lifeless hand in his, and for the first time both of their skin was frozen cold, and all her fire was gone. Drawing an un-needed breath he kissed her forehead.

“Buffy I should have saved you.”

“I should have been the man I was hoping you would one day see me as, and give my life before you ever had to make that choice. I want you to know that I am taking care of little bit like I said I would, and I will never fail you again.”

He laid his head down on her hand he still held, and his tears ran down his cheek onto her hand in a pool of sadness. He wanted to hold on to her until God himself sucked up the world. The slightest touch grazed his head wiping the tears from his eyes. Buffy touched him with kindness he never believed he would ever feel, or deserve to feel.

“Spike?”

He felt his heartbeat for the first time since he turned so many years ago. He flew back in fear and confusion. Remembering her lying there on the crumbles of stone, just yesterday, anguish flushed over his face, and now seeing the monster sitting in front of him, taking the love of his ‘un-life’s’ body, he was mortified.

“Buffy”

“What am I doing here, Spike, and why are you crying?”

He was speechless, something he wasn’t really used to, but every time he tried to speak the words choked in his throat. He pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, and sure enough he wasn’t. Thank God he didn’t need to breath.

She reached up and touched his face.

“Spike, what is wrong with you?”

“Yo-you are here. W-with me. Aaaa-live.”

“What in the world are you talking about?” Buffy screamed out.

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and when she looked down she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Flowers surrounded her, and she sat in a white casket, with a beautiful gold plate engraved with ‘Buffy Summers’ on the bottom half of the lid. She began to cry, but for some reason no tears fell from her eyes. Spike couldn’t say a word, couldn’t even blink. Shakily she pulled herself from her coffin, and Spike never took more than a step away from her, still holding on to her. Afraid this was a dream, and afraid this was real. Standing to face Spike, he reached up and touched her face. Her bumps on her forehead, her piercing yellow eyes, and her fangs that curled around her lips.

“You must be hungry,” Spike said in a low voice.

“H-how did you know that,” Buffy said shuddering at the hunger building up inside her.

“Because I remember what that felt like, Buffy”

His words flooded in her ears and echoed in her head. She was starving, but this craving that ran thru was unknown. She never has felt this feeling before, has never felt this hunger. She began to move away from Spike, and walk down the pathway, out the doors. Walking down the street towards her home she could hear the heart beat of every passing person, and her hunger grew. She stood in front of her house and could hear her friends talk, and cry from the inside. Heard Willow comforting Dawn, and ran up to the door with Spike not too far behind. Throwing open the door to walk in she was slammed back by an invisible barrier. Xander came running to the door to see what was going on, and there was nothing, or nobody there.

Before anybody could see Buffy, Spike flung her from the porch in his arms and ran from the house as fast as his legs could go. Holding her tight to him as he ran all the way to the cemetery, he never felt so lost and empty being around her. Kicking the door to his crypt open he walked in with her still in his arms and laid her down on the dank sarcophagus that laid in the middle of his modest home. Buffy laid there in shock that she couldn’t run to her friends when they needed her, couldn’t hold Dawn when she was crying, and couldn’t go into the house that her family lived in for years, and her mother died in only months ago. She forgot to breath, when finally she realized that she didn’t have to. It all came together, and when she pulled her hand to her face she could feel the monster that she had become. Tears swelled up inside her as she jumped off of where she lay and ran to the door out into the cemetery falling to her knees. Curled on the ground she sat and tried to cry, and Spike came and gently wrapped her arms around her, shuddering at first, afraid she would pull away from him. He knew though, she was no longer Buffy, as we was no longer William.

“I am a vampire, aren’t I Spike?”

Spike nodded.

“Buffy, you need to eat,” Spike said as he tilted his head just enough for her to see his neck in clear view.

“Feed from me, for now.”

Buffy trembled from his words. Her hunger grew and became unbearable. She leaned into his neck and kissed it gently, slightly licking over the vein when her eyes grew, she pushed herself away like he had burned her. Ripping a stake from the inside of his coat she held it in her hand.

“Thank you for caring for Dawn, she needs you now more than ever.”

“I don’t see you as monster. I see you as man,” Buffy said in a whisper.

“What are you doing?” Spike screamed.

“Give me back the stake, Buffy.”

“I am not supposed to be here Spike. I am not supposed to be a monster. I can’t”

A tear finally fell from Buffy’s eyes, she slowly reached out to Spike, but before he could grab her she launched the stake thru her chest into her heart.

“Spike.” In a low whisper was all Buffy could say before she turned to dust.

Buffy jumped nearly off the couch, and when her eyes sprang open she could feel the piercing pain in her chest. It has been nearly 6 months since Willow and everybody brought her back from her death. The last 6 months she has spent so much time with Spike. If anybody knew what it was like to die, and come back he would. Not only has Buffy died twice, and is now one up on the vampire, she has shared his experience of crawling up thru the earth out of her casket, clawing at everything in front of her. For Spike rising it was his hunger that brought him fiercely thru the ground, for Buffy though it was the need to take a breath she had not taken in 3 months. Spike comforted her more than she realized, for when he was not at her side she ached. She longed for happiness, and for peace, and for some reason Spike gave her both of those things and so much more. During the day she yearned for his touch, and at night she was conflicted by her duty.

Why am I dreaming about Spike, Buffy thought to herself? She knew she could never be with another vampire, not when it posed so many dangers for the people she was chosen to protect. It was her destiny. She was confused by her dream, and wondered what, if anything it meant as she got ready to go out on patrol. For once in her life as the slayer she looked forward to go on patrol because she can be next to Spike.

Spike opened his eyes as a single tear ran down his face and curled down his neck. He lay there with his arms hugging around him, reaching out for something. When he realized he was in his home, and Buffy wasn’t next to him. The dream was so intense, and for the first time since Buffy’s return it was about her death. He lay there breathing with no reason, except out of pure habit. Keeping the tears on his neck to show his emotions he could feel something, something he hadn’t felt in a long time, but couldn’t quiet place it. He couldn’t shake the memory of the dream, or the words she spoke in his thoughts. He sat up from his bed, and smiled at the darkness that flooded the sky. He couldn’t wait until he saw her tonight for patrol. To breath her in, to fill up his emptiness. He threw a black shirt on and his trench coat and boots, and ran out of his crypt to find her.

Buffy walked slowly thru the cemetery until a rather familiar feeling of content ran thru her, and she stopped in silence and smiled.

“There you are pet. I have been looking for you.”

“Oh, you have, have you?” Buffy said with a smirk without turning around to face him.

He was right behind her within a single breath, reached out for her shoulder, and spun her around. He gazed into her green eyes, and she became lost in his sea of blues. Standing there lost in each other’s eyes for a second not a word was spoken or breath given. If her heart could stop it would have right where she stood. With a blink of her eye, and a strange familiarity of the feelings coming up on her she came back into reality.

“What are you doing tonight, Spike? Following me around with puppy dog eyes?” Buffy said slyly.

“You would miss me if I were gone pet, and I know you like having me around.” A smirk crawled over Spike’s face.

Buffy could only roll her eyes at his remark because she knew he was right, and she hated him for that more than any other reason she could possibly think of. She turned away from slowly and began walking thru the cemetery.

“Tonight I fell asleep and had a weird dream. Gave me the wiggins.” Buffy said.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

Buffy shook her head. She barely even wanted to think about. The feeling of her staking herself in her dream was still in her chest, and it was just so painful and way too real for her to start reliving it thru her words.

“Don’t worry pet, I had one bloody odd dream too.”

Buffy stopped and looked up at him. Her eyes fell a little bit, and she feared asking anything about his dream. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t want to ask about his dream, she didn’t even know what he could have possibly dreamt about, but something inside her kept her from asking.

“Don’t you wanna ask me what I dreamt about, slayer?

She nodded her head trying to make it seem like she was interested, and if she were honest to herself she would realize she did want to know what he dreamt about. Spike hesitated for a moment before he began. He got this creepy feeling crawl thru him when he thought of what it would sound like to her to hear him dream of her being a vampire.

“N-no, never mind. It is just a stupid dream.” Spike said softly.

“Come on Spike, tell me what you dreamt. I won’t laugh or anything. Promise.”

Another brief period of hesitation Spike gestured for Buffy to have a seat on this near by tombstone. She lifted herself on it and got herself comfortable as Spike began telling her about his dream. Every statement flew over Buffy’s face, and every once in awhile she would catch a tear fall from her eyes. When Spike finished he cupped his hands around Buffy’s face and with his thumbs gently whipped her tears away.

“I am sorry luv. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Spike said as he looked into her eyes.

“Spike, I had that same dream.”

Silence consumed them both. He dropped his hands from her face slowly in disbelief, and stepped back.

Was it true? Did it really happen? Is she a vampire? Was all Spike could think.

“H-how could this be Buffy?”

“I-I don’t know. Why would I know? All I know is that I had that exact same dream and when I woke up my heart hurt. My chest ached so bad, like something was jammed right thru it, here in this world, outside of the dream.”

Her face dropped and words softened when she spoke those last few words. She and the vampire couldn’t understand what was going on.

“Do you really see me as a man, Buffy?”

She nodded her head gently.

Spike leaned in very slowly and gently pressed his cool lips to her warm forehead. He kissed her, and followed down her cheek tasting up her tears she was crying into his kisses until he reached her lips. As soft as he could he kissed her lips, and backed away to look into her eyes.

“I would die for you luv. I lost you once already, and I am not going to loose you again, in my dreams or in my reality. You will have to kill me to make me let go of you”

He dropped a tear down his face when he finally realized what that feeling was he had when he woke up tonight. The feeling he didn’t have in his dream when he held her.

“You are my soul luv. Everything I gave up years ago, I found again back in you. I will never let you follow me down the darkness of this path I walk, but I will follow you for eternity until God pulls me from you, and even then pet, I doubt you will be getting rid of me.”

Buffy looked at him, and she was no longer crying. His words, those wonderful words penetrated whatever she had over her heart blocking him away from her. Those words moved all her doubts, and her destiny aside, and she knew this is where she wanted to be, where she needed to be. That is what the dream had to have meant. She would follow Spike into the darkness to be with him, but it was the monster in her she couldn’t live with, not the monster in him. She loved him. She loved the monster, and she loved the man more than anything in the world. Spike is what gave her what she longed for peace, strength, happiness, and more importantly love. She was his light, as he was hers.

Buffy wrapped her arms around Spike’s neck and brought him in for a loving kiss. As they kissed it became more passionate, and intense. They longed for one another, and yearned for each other. She wrapped her legs around his waist pulling him into her, as their kisses grew more intense as their lips collided. Spike brought his hands down and wrapped them under her, and picked her up from the tombstone. Her legs wound tightly around Spike’s waist, he let out a small whimper as he walked back to his crypt. Kicking the door open and slamming it behind him with his foot, he held onto Buffy so tight she moaned under her breath from the strength in his hands. He moved her to the wall where he brought one hand up to the back of her head and grabbed a handful of hair pulling her head back exposing her neck. He licked down her neck and kissed over her jugular. The pulsing on his tongue brought his vampire forward and he scraped her skin with his fangs. Pulling away from her he brought his human face back, and looked at her.

I almost bit her, and she didn’t run. Rushed thru his mind.

Buffy unwrapped her legs from him and ran her fingernails down his chest over the shirt to the bottom and grabbed it to lift it up over his head. Looking at his muscles on his chest she scraped her fingernails down to his belt. Ripped his belt from his pants and unzipped them. He pulled her shirt off up and over her head gently, carefully exposing her lace bra. He took the clasp in his teeth and undid her bra, and she let it fall to the floor at her feet. He cupped her breasts gently in his hands and moved to one of her erect nipples. He kissed them, and licked the tip, playing with it with his tongue. His other hand moved down her stomach to her pants where he unzipped them. Spike licked down her stomach and followed with his other hand where he took her jeans and pulled them slowly down her legs to the floor, following behind with his tongue. When he stopped for a moment she cried from the miss of his lips. He finished taking off his own pants and throwing them down next to hers on the floor. He slid one hand up the inner part of her thigh still kneeling at her feet. Watching his hand move up this gorgeous woman’s thigh made him so hard he didn’t think he could handle it anymore. Buffy leaned down and grabbed Spike by the ears and pulled him up to her kiss.

“I want you inside me.”

Spike was not going to make her ask again when he grabbed her and pulled him closer to him. She lifted her legs back up and wrapped them around him again inviting him inside of her. He slowly sheathed himself inside her warmth and stopped for a moment in heaven. Looked into her eyes, and slowly moved out of her. They both cried when they lost each other’s touch. Emptiness fell on both of them until he was back inside of her again. They rocked liked that as Spike held Buffy in his arms. She clenched around him, muscles began to tighten and she reached her orgasm. When she lost control she threw Spike to the ground and sat on top of him placing him back inside of her. She rocked with his motion, leaned down kissed his neck, and with another orgasm shooting thru her body she bit down hard and scratched his shoulders with her finger nails. Spike went nuts, and grabbed her shoulders and flung her to the floor underneath him. His rhythm picked up, and he kissed her, and licked down to her breasts, exploring every part he possibly could of this heaven before it all ended. Buffy looked up into his eyes and saw the tiniest bit of blood come from where she had bit him on his neck. She moved her head to the side and brought his face down to kiss her neck. Her motions became stronger as she slammed her hips forcefully into his speeding up his rhythm. He was loosing control and that is exactly what she wanted. The force moving inside of her was sliding her across the concrete floor scrapping her back up. The pleasure from him being inside of her was so much she could barely feel the concrete at her back. His kiss and licking on her neck intensified and with his dull teeth he bit her over Angels and the Master’s old scars. Laying claim to his woman his fangs thrust forward and he bit into her hard and began to drink from her, still moving inside of her warmth. Her muscles squeezed and her legs crushed around him as she came once again. Reaching down into her to feel her tightness he moved away from her neck, brought his nice guy face back, looked deep into her eyes, and he followed right behind her unloading himself into her. With his fingers he rubbed on her wetness and she came once more. Spike collapsed down on top of her, and slowly rolled off, whimpering at the loss of her warmth.

He curled her up into her arms and held her there on the floor never wanting to let go.

“Tonight I was in heaven.” Spike whispered with a smile.

“What?” Buffy said kinda confused by his words.

“I said that, tonight I was in heaven. I will never make it to heaven, no matter how hard I try to follow you there, but tonight, I know in my heart that if I were in heaven, that this here is exactly what it would be like. With you, next to you, inside you.”

Buffy raised her head and looked at him. “You don’t have a heart,” she said with a small grin.

“Oh yes I do luv. Don’t you get it yet? Buffy you are my soul, you give me my heart, and you let me be in heaven. You are my everything.”

Buffy had a tear run down her face, and she took a deep breath in. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and she had no words that could describe what she was feeling, or what she even wanted to say.

“I know you will never love me, slayer. I know I will always be a monster, but it is you that makes me a man.”

“Spike. That dream that I……I mean we had. I couldn’t go on being a monster because I couldn’t love yo…..”

Before she could continue, Spike stopped her. Right now the last thing he wanted to hear was her telling him she would never love him. He couldn’t bare the thought of that right now, and would rather sit in silence for eternity holding her, than hear those words come from her.

“You don’t have to say anything pet, I know.”

“No, you don’t know. I was going to say that I couldn’t love you if I were a monster because it wouldn’t have been really me. The real me, the one right here in front of you, holding you, the one who just made love to you. That is the one that loves you.”

Spike’s eyes grew wide. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Unknowingly his arms got a little tighter around the slayer for fear this was all a dream and at any moment he would wake up and he would just be her patrol buddy.

“I-I love you Spike”

“Say it again,” Spike said with a slight smile.

“I love you Spike. You give me more then you can ever imagine. You give me more than love, you give me the other half of myself I was missing. You give me my heaven.”

Spike’s smile grew so big it covered his entire face. He leaned down took one hand and placed it on the side of the slayers face, and kissed her gently on her lips.

“I love you too Buffy.”

Spike ran his hand down her neck where his new bite marks covered her old scars. With her hand she brought it up to his face, and whipped the tear from his eye, and with her wet finger traced it down to his neck where her little bite mark of her own was, and she smiled.

“You’re mine luv, forever. Not even death can separate us.”

Fin Celtic

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