Anything But Ordinary

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Author: Nebula

Rating: G

Summery: Songfic. Spike and Buffy have a much needed conversation when a song in the Bronze digs up old feelings. Set during S7.

This wasn’t a smart thing to do. She should just take the girls home, and they’d be safe there. Wouldn’t they?

Her cell-phone rang, and she answered it. “Hello?”

“Hey Buff, the windows are almost cleaned out. Then I can board ‘em up until tomorrow. I really don’t like working on those things at night.”

Buffy sighed and closed her eyes. There’d been an attack on the house, and most of the attackers had come through the windows. Why couldn’t she have an ordinary life? What was so wrong about that?

It was the reason she was getting the Potentials out of the house. They were safer in a place that didn’t say ‘broken glass, come attack’. Though, in Buffy’s opinion, the Bronze didn’t rank too high above it.

“I agree. Just be careful Xander, all right? I don’t need you cutting yourself.”

Xander chuckled. “Yes Mother Hen. As soon as I’m finished, Giles and I will head out and meet up with you guys.”

“Bring Andrew,” Buffy said, earning groans from Xander and the group with her. She raised her eyebrows at them, but inwardly agreed.

“We’ll let Andrew tag along,” Xander said grumpily. In the background, Buffy could hear Giles voicing his opinion, which wasn’t happy sounding.

“Be careful,” she said, pocketing her cell-phone.

Dawn rolled her eyes. “At least we get to go to the Bronze,” she said, trying to console the girls.

Spike snorted. “Yeah. With the lil’ geek.”

Buffy tried to hide her grin as she stepped into the Bronze. She had actually missed the place. So many memories…all right, so some of them weren’t good, but they were memories. And they were missed. She smiled wistfully, thinking about when things had been simpler.

“You okay?” Willow asked softly in her ear.

Buffy nodded. “Just missed this place, that’s all.” In a louder voice, she told the girls, “Tell them you’re juniors, and NO alcoholic beverages. Understand?”

The girls hurried off to the bar, as Buffy, Spike, and Willow took a seat at a high table.

“Either of you want somethin’? I can get it, if you like,” Spike offered.

“Ooh, thank you! A beer sounds good right now,” Willow said.

Buffy smiled at him. “Just a Shirley Temple, thanks.”

He nodded, smiled shyly at Buffy, and headed off to the bar.

“Quite the gentleman these days,” Willow said, with a sly look in Buffy’s direction.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Don’t even think about it, Will. Spike and I are just…good friends. There’s too much between us now to consider a relationship, and I don’t think he’s interested.”

Willow gaped, and was about to protest to the last comment when the band started up. A group near the stage cheered on a slim, blonde haired singer. She took the microphone and cleared her throat. “Hi, I’m Carrie, and I’d like to sing ‘Anything But Ordinary’ by Avril Lavigne. And Matt, I’m only doing this for you, sweetheart,” she said, peering down into the group. Laughter filled the area as everyone applauded.

“Oh man! We got Karaoke night?” Dawn complained, taking the fourth seat at the table. “She better be good. Some people really kill Avril.”

Carrie smiled nervously and began to sing.

“Sometimes, I get, so weird,

I even freak myself out,

I laugh myself to sleep

It's my, lullaby…

Sometimes, I drive, so fast,

Just to feel the danger,

I wanna scream,

‘It makes me feel alive…’”

Buffy sat up straighter. She’d heard this song millions of times, hadn’t she? Dawn played it enough times for her to know it backwards and forwards. Still, she felt like she was hearing it for the first time. She leaned forward and paid more attention to the words.

“Is it enough to love?

Is it enough to breathe?

Somebody rip my heart out,

And leave me here to bleed…

Is it enough to die?

Somebody save my life

I'd rather be anything but ordinary please…”

“Buffy? You okay?”

But Buffy wasn’t listening to Dawn. “Is my sister okay?” Dawn asked, frowning.

Willow shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just a song.”

Buffy shifted, and turned to look at them. “You all right?” Willow asked, worried.

“Where’s our drinks?” Buffy muttered, staring at the table. The last part of the chorus kept ringing through her ears. Is it enough to die…She must have asked herself that question a million times last year. Her answer had always been ‘no’. She’d been brought back from her heavenly state because of her duty. Her Slaying duty.

“To walk, within, the lines,

Would make my life so boring,

I want to know, that I have been, to the extreme…

So knock, me off, my feet,

Come on now, give it to me…

Anything to make me feel alive…”

“Forget the drinks,” Buffy said, rising suddenly.

“What…?”

Buffy shook her sister away. “I just…have to use the restroom,” she said, heading for the bathrooms. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and her eyes were starting to sting. Anything to make me feel alive…and he did, didn’t he? He made me feel alive. He gave it to me because I asked him to. Look where he is now…what’ve I done…

Holding back a sob, she hurried into the restroom.

< --- >

Spike listened to the song as he waited for the drinks. The girl had a beautiful voice. And she wasn’t butchering the song; thank heaven for small miracles.

He listened to the second verse, shaking his head ruefully. How many times had he been ‘to the extreme’? It hadn’t done him any favors, especially not last year.

A certain blonde rising from the table caught his attention. He frowned. Was something wrong with the girls? She looked tense, scared, and sad.

He managed to catch the last words of the second verse, “…give it to me…Anything to make me feel alive…”

Ah, he remembered the song now. Dawn wouldn’t stop playing it in her room, and it echoed into the basement. He recalled the rest of the verse, and his eyes widened. Now he knew what was wrong.

The bartender handed him the drinks, but he hardly noticed. His eyes were locked on the upset blonde running for the restrooms. He nodded distractedly and took the drinks. Walking quickly, he set the drinks down on the table and headed after her.

“Oh, thanks Spi…Spike? Spike, she’s really upset,” Willow called after him, but he paid no heed.

< --- >

Buffy sniffed and reached for another tissue. Her back lay against wall of the largest stall, as she furiously tried to wipe away tears. She was glad there was no one else in the bathroom.

She couldn’t take any of it back now, anyway. What was done was done. She couldn’t go back and say, “I’m sorry, Spike. Sorry I made your life a living hell.”

Through the air grates in the ceiling, she could still hear the girl singing.

“Is it enough to love?

Is it enough to breathe?

Somebody rip my heart out,

And leave me here to bleed…

Is it enough to die?

Somebody save my life

I'd rather be anything but ordinary please…

I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.”

“Yeah,” she said to herself, as the restroom door opened. “Somebody saved my life.” She began to choke up as she said shakily, “At the cost of his.” Placing a hand over her mouth, she began to silently cry.

“Let down your defenses,

Use no common sense

If you look, you will see,

that this world is a beautiful,

accident, turbulent, succulent,

opulent, permanent, no way,

I wanna taste it,

Don't wanna waste it, away…”

“Didn’t lose my life to save yours.”

Buffy jumped and turned at the sound of his voice. “Spike?” she said, wiping away her tears. “Wh-What are you doing in here?”

“Saw you leave the table. Wanted to make sure you were all right.”

Buffy nodded, smiling weakly. “Fine. I’m fine.”

Spike stared at her for a few moments, before taking a seat next to her on the floor. “It wasn’t your fault,” he said quietly.

She frowned. “What?”

“It wasn’t your fault. Last year. I know that’s what you’re thinkin’ ‘bout. I could see it in your eyes when you ran this way.” Buffy looked away. “And it wasn’t your fault. I could’ve said ‘no’, and I could’ve stopped it. You didn’t force me to get involved with you.”

“But I did,” she said, turning to face him. “I did. I knew you’d do anything for me, and I used that to my advantage. So yeah, in a way, I forced you to. It was either ‘do this, or I commit suicide’, and with the whole martyr routine and my selfishness…”

Spike growled angrily, and Buffy looked startled. “Don’t you dare talk that way ‘bout someone I love,” he said through gritted teeth.

“It’s true, and I had you,” she said quickly, before he could protest again. “Sink and lure, the whole thing. I had you, no matter what you call my actions. And you know it.”

“Sometimes, I get, so weird…

I even freak myself out…

I laugh myself, to sleep,

It's my, lullaby…”

He didn’t say anything for a few moments. “You said ‘enough’ though, luv. I didn’t. I kept goin’, and I ended up…” Spike swallowed, looking down at the tiles. “I hurt you,” he whispered. “And you didn’t force me to do that.”

“Is it enough?

Is it enough?

Is it enough to breathe?

Somebody rip my heart out,

And leave me here to bleed…”

Buffy stared at him for a few moments, and watched the tears pool in his eyes. He still loved her? Maybe I can’t go back, she thought, but I can go forwards. “I know I didn’t,” she said out-loud. “But I did things that hurt you, too.” His face after the alley incident flashed through her mind, and she flinched.

“Is it enough to die?

Somebody save my life…

I'd rather be anything but ordinary, please…”

“But you know what?” she said, cupping her hand under his chin. She pulled his head up to look at her, and wiped away the tears that fell. “You saved me last year, and now it’s time for me to save you.”

He frowned, puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I’m sorry, Spike. I’m so sorry. For everything I put you through last year, and the years before that. Please, forgive me?”

He stared at her, shocked. “Buffy,” he said finally. “If anyone should be saying sorry…”

“We’ve both done our share of hurting over the years,” Buffy said, cutting him off. “Will you forgive me?” she pleaded.

“Yes,” he said after a few moments. Spike began to smile as he said, “Yes, I do.”

Buffy could feel the tears running down her face. He really forgave her for everything. “Will you forgive me? For everythin’ I’ve done to you and yours, ‘specially…last year,” Spike said, cringing at the thought.

“Already done,” she said, smiling through her tears. “I forgive you, Spike.”

For a few seconds, they stayed motionless, just happily gazing at the other. The spell broke, however, as Buffy launched herself at Spike, all too happy to be wrapped up in his arms. Spike was more then happy to oblige.

“Is it enough to die?

Somebody save my life

I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.”

“Me too,” Buffy whispered, as the last words were sung. If she was ordinary, she wouldn’t be sitting on a bathroom floor hugging a vampire she loved.

And what kind of life would be fun without that?

THE END

AN: Thanks to Avril Lavigne, whose song I’m using. I have no copyright to it, of course. It’s all Avril!