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When Buffy came down, he sat up on the cot he’d found earlier.
The bleached vamp greeted her curiously. “Hey Slayer, what’s up?”
Clearly she’d been deep in her own thoughts and was startled by the sound of his voice.
“Huh? Oh. Hey Spike. Uh, nothing’s up, just thought we should talk... you know, about the girls training session and stuff.”
Spike got the sense that the Potentials weren’t really what the Slayer wanted to talk about, but he knew better than to argue.
“Right, well, then...” Spike proceeded to tell her about the training session. While training young girls wasn’t really something at which he was experienced, fighting certainly was. He felt he’d been able to teach the girls a thing or two, and actually felt proud when one of them got a move he’d shown her. You’re gettin’ to be another soddin’ poofter, he berated himself. Stupid soul.
Buffy did try and listen to what Spike was saying, though at first she was a bit distracted by her own thoughts. Soon though, she started really listening and realized, Spike actually enjoyed this! He liked teaching the girls. Weird.
When he’d finished, she remained silent for a moment.
“All right then. I’m taking the girls out patrolling tonight. I’ll bring along Connor, see if he really can fight.”
“I offered to ‘ave him train with us, but I think he needed to be away from the gals for a bit. I can certainly understand that.”
Buffy’s first instinct was to say something along the lines of, ‘Aww, are human girls about a hundred years younger than you too much for you to handle?’ But she resisted. She wanted to keep this business-like. No personal stuff. No teasing... no fun allowed... she sighed...
Spike continued, a bit surprised Buffy hadn’t taken the opening he realized he’d given her with his last words. “So, what time do we leave for patrol?”
Buffy shook her head. “You’re not going.”
“I’m- wha’? I’m not goin’?”
“No. You’re still hurt.”
Spike got defensive. “What makes you think that?”
“First of all, I can tell, ‘cause... I can just tell.” Buffy paused briefly, realizing that sometimes she understood Spike, too - and not just physically. Determined to ignore all thoughts along those lines, she resumed. “Also, one of the Potentials said she thought you were hurt.”
Spike groaned. So one of the girls had noticed, eh? Oh well. There goes my Big, Bad, Evil and Scary image. “Lemme guess. Was it that chit, Kennedy?”
“Uh, yeah, how’d you know?”
He shrugged. “Just figured. Kinda a nosy gal. Good fighter, but overconfident. Might want to do something about that. Maybe Willow could help with that, I noticed the two of them are gettin’ pretty close. I hope Red’s movin’ on... not that I didn’t like Glinda...”
Buffy stopped listening at this point while he nattered on for a bit. She closed her eyes briefly. Damn! Exactly what I was thinking... that’s not fair! He shouldn’t.... She wasn’t able to end that thought, since she didn’t know what he ‘shouldn’t’ do. Shouldn’t have the same insights and thoughts as she did?
“...I’ll never forget when I hit her that one time ‘cause she thought she was a demon...” Spike realized Buffy wasn’t listening. “Uh, Slayer? You in there?”
Her eyes snapped open. “What? Oh! Yeah, I was listening... and that reminds me... about your chip...”
Uh-oh. “What about my chip?”
She took a deep breath. “Riley said... the chip was only meant to be temporary, since it was so experimental... the Initiative had planned on replacing it later on.”
“So you’re tellin’ me, what, tha’ my chip may not be workin’ any more?”
Buffy nodded.
Spike swallowed. I guess that’s that. Used up more than my fair share of time on this Earth. “Gonna put me down now?”
“What?!” Buffy exclaimed. He thought I was going to ‘put him down’ like some dog? “I didn’t let Riley kill you, and if I was going to do it, I would have already done it. No, Spike, I am not going to ‘put you down,’ I wouldn’t kill a souled being. I just thought you should know, all right?”
He winced. Buffy sounded pretty pissed, and he had to admit she had a point. He didn’t know why exactly he’d said that, except that for so long, during the time post-chip but pre-soul, he’d known that the chip was all that was keeping Buffy from killing him. She would never kill a ‘harmless’ being.
Except he hadn’t needed to be harmless. He could have gone with Drusilla, could have gotten minions to kill for him. But he hadn’t. Shouldn’t that have counted for something?
He shook off his pointless pondering.
“Uh, yeah, thanks for tellin’ me an’ all...”
“Yeah, ya know, in case any evil humans come around. Like Ethan Rayne. I think the army put him away for good, but if he comes back, you’re free to hurt him. Ugh, just thinking of that chocolate bar incident... I can still picture my mom and Giles... and the time he turned Giles into a demon, and...” Buffy trailed off, realizing she was babbling. Bad Buffy! Back to business.
Spike was staring blankly at her. “Uh... your mum and Giles?”
“Never mind,” Buffy said hastily. “Anyway, so, I just wanted to tell you about the chip. So, I’ll just, um, be going. Upstairs. For patrolling. Ok, bye-” She stood up to leave, but stopped as Spike grasped her arm.
“Buffy, wait. There are some things I’ve been thinkin’ about... and worryin’ about... maybe you ought keep me locked up again, in case the First ever gets into my brain again... in fact, maybe I should just leave...”
Despite all of Buffy’s attempts to keep herself unemotional, this last statement really hit her hard. They all leave.... “No!!”
Her vehement shout surprised them both. She continued, more quietly. “I just mean, no. I don’t think the First can get in to your head again.”
Spike cocked his head at her curiously. “What makes you think that?”
“Well...” Buffy said, stalling for time as she tried to think up a reason for why she’d said that. Honestly, she didn’t know why... “Um, because you told me that the First was tryin’ to get you to join its side, in the cave, right?”
He nodded.
She continued. “The way I see it is, why would the First have had to do that if it could just control you? Plus, I know you can fight it off, like you did in that basement... especially now that you’re all, ya know, sane and stuff.”
“Couldn’t stop myself from biting Andrew.”
“Yeah, well, can’t blame ya for that one,” Buffy joked. Argh, no joking allowed, she reminded herself. “Seriously, if the First could still control you, why wouldn’t it have had you kill me last night? Besides, I think you can fight it. Just lemme know if you start seein’ or hearin’ weird things, k?”
“Will do.”
Buffy got up to leave once more. As she headed up the stairs, Spike’s voice once more stopped her.
“It... it means a lot to me that you believe in me. That I can fight it, I mean. Thanks.”
She felt a rush of emotion at his heartfelt words. Meaning so much to someone was scary, but at the same time gave her a great feeling of confidence.... No. No no no no no. Doesn’t mean anything.
Buffy turned away silently, her face empty.